What if i could feel good without God too?

This is for my christian people, I wish there would be a community group for religious people. I wrote another post where I shared that my dog has something, he vomited out the food he ate for 2 days and now he doesnt want to eat, but he is still energetic and playful. But it scares me cause I dont know if its serious or not, we want to wait it out until we take him to the vet, but still if we would take him we have to wait some days... So uncertainty is really hard. I prayed for him and after that I felt like I dont trust that God will heal him, cause there are still uncertainties. Maybe im hard with myself but i expect that trusting means that I dont feel high anxiety and it gives me a feeling of calmness/peace. I dont feel that now. There were many times when i prayed for healing and there were no healing, so then i said i will never ask for healing but to be as God wants it to be and be with me and help me go through it. This helped me until something happened. I follow 2 man who is christian and at first one of them said to me that I need to trust that God can heal, and if i dont then i should work on that. I thought about it but then ignored it, until i heard it from the second person when i asked him about what to do when i have a health problem and the first thing he said was that I have to trust in the healing power of God... and that made me see that I dont trust it. I question it cause there were times when healing did not came, but i dont expect Him to come down everytime and fix my problems. But if I have to be the one who figures out what I have to do and after all that struggle I find it and say "It was God" that makes me question my faith... I can see someone saying that you just labeled it to God when it was you. I dont say this is the truth but how should i trust God will help me when at the end of the day its on me what will happen,many times its on others too and God wont come down and change me or those people. Then how God helps?

Have any of you ever felt like God is perfectly capable of helping you with your mental health, but just chooses not to for some reason, and so you get angry and frustrated? Bc I feel that way sometimes, but i don’t stay mad for too long. But whenever i’m not frustrated, i’m just feeling hopeless, like why is this going on?

Is it possible to follow Christ without actually believing? I want God but don't always trust and especially with Jesus/Christianity. I want to believe and I don't but I am still drawn in; it is comforting and compelling. I like what Jesus represented, I like the teachings (although don't always seem practical and seemingly so hard to live up to), and I LOVE Christian music. I love the community. It is so hard to embrace it really and it although gives me comfort brings on a lot of anxiety and confusion. I feel like I have no control to function when I am supposed to let myself be led; I don't even know what that means when I have to think and move my body to live. I want to have a strong faith in God in general without feeling condemned. I want to feel there is a God holding on to me so I don't feel so alone, restless, and lost. Who better to love than your creator? Who better to put your trust in to help you in times of despair. I cant help to think that the Bible is a myth and although if Jesus did exist was only a prophet. My conditioning and impulses are constantly rejecting it and so many times I opened myself up only to quit the next day because it doesn't stick. I am constantly met with rejecting thoughts and fear. It's not sustainable. At the same time, I love him and his story well I only read a little of the Bible and intended to sermons, etc. Another thing, how do I know what is the truth when I am getting interpretations of the Bible when reading, listening to others interpretations through pastoral sermons and other people voicing their opinion?