What ifs

So, i haven’t posted on here in a while. Which, honestly I should have. Bc this is a great place to hear I’m not alone. But, I have been with this girl Julie, then Kaleb, and then Julie again. Now I’m not with her, and I’m with Eleanor. She’s lovely. But, I’m thinking “what if she isn’t? What if she’s just like them and is lying about how fine it is that I’m being open.” All these what ifs. Cause I have always thought the past people I was with were “good people” but they didn’t listen like she does. And just the decent thing a human should do. It’s hard thinking I’m ruining everything. And thinking I’m not good enough. Usually these relationships fall apart, so with that mindset Im retracting my emotions. I feel like i’m Oversharing with her. And it’s bothering her. And I ask if it is, she says it isn’t. Again it’s just a bunch of what ifs bc ik I would lie and say it isn’t bothering me sometimes. But she isn’t me. GRRRR THIS SHIT IS JUST FRUSTRATING

So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time

So there's this lady that I'm thinking about all the time and I would love for us to hang out more than anything. I think she's cute and we get along pretty much flawlessly. We have a lot of things in common and it always feels like my day is so much better whenever I get to see her and talk with her. I want to ask her if she wants to hang out with just the two of us someday, but I just seem so nervous and unready for dating. My mind is always thinking of cop out responses like "she's too good for you" or "You're not ready for this" or worse, "You're gonna mess this up and hurt her" which is the one I'm really scared about because that's the last thing I want to do. I would not want to hurt her. I'm not even sure I want to date but I do want to just hang out with her. I haven't gone on a date before, so it gives me a lot of this anxiety, but I don't know when it will ever go away. I don't know what to do about this.