Advice? Please

It all started when my winter break started like 3 weeks ago or so. Me and my bf are a new couple. We started dating late november 2023. Not even three months into dating. And also it's my first relationship. Fresh into dating i had concerns but it wasn't taking much of my time and my mind. It was mostly about if he was gonna leave me and was the relationship going at a pace as it should be. I would occasionaly ask him whether we are doing it right. Like was it too fast? It felt normal in my normal and he told that's what mattered but something in my brain would tell me it should all be by a book but there is no book. We kinda got physically intimate a little too early and i couldn't tell if it would affect the relationship badly in the future . As time passed i was kinda letting go of the "should be's" in my mind. Also the feeling of high dopamine was wearing off and i realized myself becoming sad often not knowing why. I questioned whether it was relationship. He said he didn't know and if it was what can we do about it to make me feel more confident. We decided we gotta spend not everyday together but i failed at that. I wanted to be with him every second. He was kinda less affectionte. I told him about it and he tried to be more affectionate again. I thought that would fix my sadness and thay was the problem. But then i started to find other things that annoyed me as if trying to control him. But then i realized i was keep finding stuff to critize about him and that wasn't really nice of me. So we decided doing weekly relationship check ins would be healthier rather than me keep finding stuff to be sad about. Anyways we went into winter break and i started to feel distant because we weren't seeing eachother. I would feel okay when we talked on the phone. But rest of the day i would spend overthinking whether we are right for eachother. And i started to pick and more and more flaws about him. And that would make me question my feelings. I lose my mind in the course of day and feel better once we facetime or talk on the phone. But then the overthinking and anxiety got worse. It turned into a cycle of finding flaws in the relationship, hyperfixating on the flaws, questioning if it's right, feeling less feelings, questioning my feelings, urge to break up, stoping myself from the urge, remembering all his good qualities, feeling not deserving of his love, questioning if i shoulf leave him cuz he deserves someone better. And it's this same cycle for two weeks. Over and over again in the day. I talked to my cousin and had a relief because she told me she found all those things normal in the relationship. But then questioning my own feelings became a really big deal and often i struggle to feel love. I just have glimpses of love throughought the day. I keep telling the thoughts im having and sensations to my boyfriend. He keeps asking if he can do anything to help. I just never feel relief. I keep telling myself i love him then what if its not enough thoughts hit. I don't find the strength in me to show love. My boyfriend says he does feel it but i can't. I keep freaking out if this means we have to break up. I dont want to i can't stop thinking about it. When we facetimed i would feel better and go to sleep. But it didn't help today. The thoughts came back. I keep crying a lot during the day. I can't eat or sleep. My stomach is icky and heart is tight. I dont wanna feel this way. I want to feel love again. I can't tell if im lying to myself about this bejng rocd. I can't fully believe it is. I watch ROCD videos on youtube. But they arent %100 what im going through. But im scared i am falling out of love and scared to admit it so im hiding behind this mask. I told my boyfriend this exact thought yesterday. He says if you don't love me why would you be so worried. And i don't know. Why am i? Also it feels like i don't exprience relief at all. It's always with me. I pull my hair and squeeze my legs but it never leaves. I feel like my relationship is going to end and i have no control over it. I used to struggle with HOCD back in 2020 so i thought this must be ROCD but what if it isn't. What if it's real and i don't love him. I am going to see my old therapist next saturday. I am not sure if she is really informed on this type of ocd and i am scared she'll say "yep you have fallen out of love, leave him" i dont want to. I just want to feel in love again. And feel the same as him. He deserves a lot of love. And i am sat here crying if i am able to give it.

Relationship OCD

Olivia2121

Date posted: 1y

Hi love. I’ve felt exactly what you’re feeling so many times. I saw a therapist about it for a long time, and it did help. There’s a chance that she might try to sway you that direction, but knowing what therapy is like, she probably won’t. She’s probably going to ask you more about the feelings side of it. Most of the time, therapists don’t interject their opinions, but they try to get you to see the bigger picture and navigate where the stress and anxiety is coming from. I think therapy is the best step that you could take after reading your post. But ROCD does exactly what you’re saying — making you question if you even HAVE ROCD and if you even love this person and if it’s denial about how you really feel. I can tell you though, it’s probably not the relationship. It’s more likely your ROCD. Especially if you have HOCD. Cause OCD has so many umbrellas that fall under it so it’s not uncommon for you to deal with more than one at once. I would wait it out. Don’t make any rash decisions immediately. Because let’s say you decide to leave- you’re going to feel either relief or guilt, but if you feel relief, you could feel it for a while and then miss him and realize you made a mistake and go back. You could also feel relief and then date someone new and the cycle continues over and over again. This is a very common cycle for us. Which is why I say wait to make any decisions, because one day, the feeling of all this anxiousness will pass. And you’ll look in the mirror and realize that it was all the OCD. it might come back after, but those moments of peace make you realize that it’s an illness. So talk to your therapist. If anything, you could always find another one who specializes in OCD and go from there. I’ve been there though babe. I AM there. I know how you feel, and I’m sorry you’re going though this. But I’m wishing you lots of healing and peace ☮️🩷

silabuse

Date posted: 1y

Thank you so much. Me and my bf are having a virtuel movie night and i was so stressed about seeing him cuz what if i dont feel anything. Then i saw him and felt relief. But even tho i was kinda sure minutes ago. The anxiety in my stomach comes back. I hope the therapist helps. Thank you for responding tho

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

please, i need someones help. sorry for long post

Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.

user36373738

Date posted: 14w

Does this mean I don’t love him 😭

I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.

Relationship OCD

Madz!;)

Date posted: 8w

ROCD or not.

Okay. This might be a little long. Basically I’m just wondering if this is really ROCD or if I officially lost feelings for my current boyfriend. BACKGROUND ABOUT ME: I assume this might help whoever reads this, and that may explain my situation. Long story short I have bad anxiety and OCD about intrusive thoughts. I figured out about my anxiety from a therapist after it started to get really bad when I was in middle school. However I figured out about my OCD this year. Before middle school I started to get anxiety from my dad. My parents divorced and he was an emotional abuser and very narcissistic. So since I was little I was always careful on what I did and said. And then another topic is that I had an ex bf who acted close to him. He was very insecure so he was controlling over me and was narcissistic and also emotionally abusive towards me. Always played the victim, etc. So he kind of traumatized me because we fought daily and just the way he treated me. My current bf is a green flag to me. We don’t fight, he is kind, understanding, funny. He checks all my boxes. Me and him were friends for about a year before we considered being together. 2 MONTHS AGO: this is when it started. It was a Sunday and me and him were going to an event at my school. It was for seniors because we were graduating the Sunday coming up. And we hung out the past 2 days and from what I remember things were like they were. Me and him were about to hit 8months the up coming Monday and I did understand that’s the time where the “honeymoon” phase becomes more.. I’ll say realistic? Anyway, we were close to leaving and something in my gut was off. Idk what it was. Idk if I was nervous for the event or something. But I just had a weird feeling. Again I have bad anxiety and OCD so I was scared about all the kids that were there. I don’t know. Anyway we left and when got to about 3 minutes away from our location my bf turns to me in the car and tells me how lucky he is to have me and how much he loves me. Then the thought “idk if I love you the same anymore” came in my head. And my gut feeling worsened. It was unnoticeable before but after he said that and I thought what I thought it got so much worse. Like it was sickening for me. I I love you back immediately but that thought.. I didn’t let it go. I couldn’t enjoy the night at all. I tried to act like everything was fine but inside I was suffering. Later that night he took me home. And I couldn’t get rid of that thought in my head. We FaceTimed a bit later like we did almost every night but I couldn’t be on the phone. Every time I looked at him I felt guilty and that thought kept coming back that I lost my love for him. So about 5-10 mins later I told him I was tired, said our goodnights and hung up. I cried. I didn’t like what I was feeling and I didn’t know what it meant. It was hard to fall asleep but once I did I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the thought about my bf. I got up to splash water in my face to cool me off because I was sweating. I got ready for school and I was crying I was confused, worried, I didn’t even know. I cried to my mom later and she didn’t know what to say or do. I cried all day at school and my gut feeling was horrible. I’ve never had it as bad as I did the first few days after this started. PRESENT(2months later): I already typed a lot so I don’t want to make entire book. But now, it’s like the gut feeling is there but tolerable. I still get the thoughts and the gut feeling does worsen a bit when my bf texts me and I see his face in photos and such. Or even think about him. My main concern is that we are supposed to go on a trip together next month and before this happened I was so excited to go with him. And now it’s like “what if I’m not better” “I don’t love him anymore to go with him.” Idk what to do. It’s like a chore for everything, when I text him, hanging out, calling him. Everything. Idk why to do. Idk if it’s because I was reck for the event or because of graduation and needed a reason for my nervousness? Idk. He didn’t do anything, he hasn’t done a single thing but be there for me. As much as I’ve been there for him. I don’t want to lose him. There is more to this story so if you want to ask go for it. I know this is hella long so. But I just want the help. Please let me know!!

Relationship OCD

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