hellou :)

I just wanted to tell you that I feel much calmer when I feel something identified with most of you, knowing that I wasn't going crazy or something similar gives me that hope I wanted to feel :3 I keep working on my soocd because I don't like at all the idea of becoming someone I don't want to be, you know? Never before did I come to doubt my sexual orientation, I even came to think that it would be cool to be bisexual so I could enjoy my sexuality more, but it was just like a comment because it wasn't really something I wanted. I usually feel bad when I see a woman and I don't feel attracted to her as I used to, it's like it makes me feel less like a man or something like that, and this strengthens my ocd with my sexual orientation, I've changed too much because of my ocd in general, it's hard to ignore something you feel real, more because by pretending that nothing happens, it feels like you realize the fact that you are what you overthink, shall I explain?? I hope so because I'm writing this with the help of a translator hehe I worry that I don't like women anymore, I worry about losing myself or something, I worry about that feeling of being attracted (?? For a man, I sometimes avoid using social media because it bothers me that my mind makes me believe those things. I know I'm not gay because I've proved it to myself, but as much as I remember me that it's like my mind doesn't have enough proof for it :( I've even come to think that I'm making up all this ocd stuff to keep "pretending" that I'm not gay, even that sounds illogical, but that's the problem, that even knowing it's illogical, sometimes it feels like it's logical. Thank you for taking the trouble to read it, I needed to vent even a little of one of my most recurrent thoughts If you have something to comment on, do so!