New user (not sure how to do this)

I downloaded this app yesterday hoping to find a bit of comfort among other people struggling with the same things. I’m really scared to post but I’m trying anyway. I have two really bad intrusive thoughts that make my life very difficult. One is this intrusive memory of when I was dog sitting when I 14. I was impatient so I pulled on the dogs leash (as his owner said I could tug on it and he would come). But he didn’t move and think I pulled way too hard and I’ve been wracked with guilt. This was 5 years ago and it still haunts me. I can hear the dog coughing and I think it was from me pulling too hard. About 6 months later he passed away and I fear greatly that something i did caused it even though he was old. In my head I wonder if I’m a truly evil person to hurt something smaller and less powerful than me. I didnt intend to hurt him but I worry I hurt him more than I know. It haunts me. I go over and over the memory in my head with seeing which parts are really, wondering if I’m evil. I also deal with POCD. I am in college currently but I feel like I’ve aged ten years since the onset of my symptoms. It’s taken my joy and innocence from me. I just want to live a good life and be a good person but my brain is malfunctioning. In addition I am frustrated bc my psychiatrist did not diagnose me with OCD but said all my symptom were due to GAD even though I meet all of the requirements including cycles of intrusive thoughts and compulsions( though mine are mostly mental). It’s difficult not having an official name for what I going through.

Username: shazam_shazam_

Date posted: 45w ago

You’re not alone in any of this. I’m going through the same things you’re going through. It’s definitely hard but you will get through this. I’ve been in this community for a while and I can confidently say that everyone on here is amazing and will always try to help the best they can and can almost always relate to what you’re going through. Also I wasn’t diagnosed with OCD either but I know I have it. And when compulsions are mental, it’s called pure OCD, you have pure ocd and it’s a valid thing and it DOES mean you have OCD and not GAD. Hope this helps ‼️

Username: micky26micky26

Date posted: 45w ago

Definetly change providers! you want a provider that actually hears your voice and your concerns! lots of stigma with mental health disorders so it’s best to find a provider that will sit with you listen and help you understand your OCD better! Hope this helps

Username: DSXDSX

Date posted: 45w ago

I’m a college student who has struggled with similar/the same issues. It can get better! I hope this helps, and as someone else said maybe consider seeing someone who will actually help you with your OCD symptoms

Username: Iloveyou24Iloveyou24

Date posted: 45w ago

Just remember, those thoughts bother you so much because it is opposite of your character- your brain is probably saying it was intentional or blah blah blah- but the reality is that you were taking care of the dog (probably because you love animals) and you pulled him along- he coughed (which If you go to the animal shelter and walk the big dogs that pull- they cough the WHOLE time- and are fine) and because you care. And love that dog, fear of hurting him was absorbed by the OCD which now is holding onto. You aren’t alone, I’ve been here before and sometimes still fall back into fear surrounding animals. If you can try, Let the truth that you love and care about these animals release you from this fear

Username: ocdomi

Date posted: 3y ago

hi i just recently joined this app and i am terrified. i am a 15 year old girl that has been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life. my first recollection with it was the constant fear that my siblings would forget how to breathe. i would stay up all night just to check on them and ensure that they are ok. it went away but then i started having problems with my religion. i was so constantly scared that every move i made would disappointment god and that i would be sent to the devil. it got to the point where i would feel as if a demon was watching me while i slept. now i am dealing with my sexuality. i have known my entire life that i am straight. only ever had romantic feelings for men and never thought of women as anything more than a friend. cause of quarantine i have developed these intrusive thoughts where i feel as if everything i do will make people believe i am gay. i am an ally to the lgbtq community but i keep having these unwanted thoughts of me being homosexual even though i have never felt attracted to women. i need help. i am just a teenager but i have been suffering with ocd my entire life and just now i decided to acknowledge it. i am also way too scared to tell my parents. they are so loving and protective of me that i feel as if i will disappoint them. im sorry this was long i just needed to let it all out. have a good day!!

Username: strangestraycat

Date posted: 1y ago

Terrified to be here

Hello! I am new here and I'm not sure what to do or say. I honestly was diagnosed with ocd almost 30 years ago. I do believe I had a lot of anxiety and some ocd before hand. In the years that I was diagnosed I was in an abusive relationship that I finally was able to get out of in 1999. During those years my contamination ocd was off the charts. Upon leaving that relationship ( safely.. at least physically for the most part) my ocd calmed down. But I'm not sure if that is because of my leaving or the fact that I was then on pills. Afterwards I was a sleeping pill addict for almost a decade. I finally left the pills behind and I started running marathons. I feel better than I had in decades I've continued running but after a few traumatic experiences with hearing domestic situations in my apartment complex and being robbed twice I find my ocd symptoms coming up with a vengeance. It's more than just contamination now. I'm constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone. I'm always worried that there is an animal in need that I didn't see and/or couldn't help. I feel I can't do enough good in the world. I'm paralyzed. I find myself putting off normal chores and organizational tons that drive me crazy because my ocd wants them so so badly I don't know how else to describe what I'm experiencing. I am also concerned that I have some mild form of Tourette's. I'm so embarrassed and I want to feel normal again. But every trigger seems to prolong my agony. Sorry for the long post and for any writing errors. I can't see very well with my new bifocals. lol

Username: CJW-182

Date posted: 40w ago

POCD

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

New user (not sure how to do this)

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community