Thoughts? *Trigger warning sexual assault*

I need advice on something because I’m freaking out. Anxiety is sky high and I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I was taking my kids to get soMe ice cream and my 3-year old son was being super goofy and silly. He’s in a stage where bathroom humor (poop, pee, butt, pee pee) is just his favorite thing. He said, “Grandpa showed me his pee pee!”and he was laughing and giggling. My daughter is 6 and said, “No he didn’t!” I asked her again when we got home and again she said her brother was just being goofy and it never happened. I immediately spiked because sexual abuse of my kids is my nightmare. Add to that that my dad (their grandpa) is my best friend, one of my biggest supporters with my mental health and just a really decent man. This does not fit into who he is at all; he’s basically the opposite of a predator. I told my husband, who immediately said, “This sounds like your OCD acting up and playing on your biggest fears. This doesn’t fit your dad or his values,” I took my emergency anxiety meds and I’m trying to sit with it and let it go. Should I talk to my dad? Should I chalk this up to OCD trying to mess me up?

My heart hurts so much right now. I am a mother of two and I am afraid to be near my children. Two weeks ago, everything was fine. I never had an intrusive thought about them at all. My mother recently told me that my father SA’ed me and I do not remember it because I was too little to remember. Well, while trying to cope with that information… I had a terrible intrusive thought. “What if I become like my father?” “What if you’re attracted to you kids?” I instantly felt sick, I threw up and then I could NOT stop thinking. I keep getting this horrible sinking feeling near them. I keep crying and missing how simple it was before. I love them so much and it’s only pure mother love. I don’t even have any urges it makes no sense why I can’t let this thought go. I just want to go back to being their mommy. I was looking at videos of when they were tiny babies or even from a few weeks ago and just crying because it was just simple and life was amazing and I cherished my children… now I am afraid to be near them. I told my boyfriend because I was having such terrible anxiety from this and I’ve been in a dark place. He knows I’ve had other obsessions and panic attacks so he is being very helpful through this. He says he trusts me and knows I would never harm our kids. But I keep feeling so guilty for even having this thought at all.

Hi all. I opened up to my psychiatrist today (my therapist and ocd therapist know) about the intrusive thoughts I've been having. The one thought would pop up over and over "child porn" and it made me so sick to my stomach because I can't believe I would think of such a thing. Then the thoughts were more dark like thinking of touching my son and even images of that happening..then came urges...and i felt so guilty and disgusted with myself :( after I told my psychiatrist ( who is currently treating me for bipolar 1) he was so concerned and told me I need to stay with my mom to make sure my son is safe. To not trust myself and have someone watch me. Well that made me feel a whole lot worse! The thoughts were actually subsiding this week and talking about it with him made the "child porn" thought pop up again. I just feel like I'm failing at life and as a mother. My immediate family think I should turn myself into a mental health facility and have intensive treatment. They think because I have those thoughts that I want to act on them or to let it go. I don't want to act on them and would never! Im scared of my thoughts and thats the problem. This is so frustrating.