someone respond w advice

i have a cycle of themes and my two themes as of late is relationship ocd and suicidal. right now it has been relationship and i feel just constant physical anxiety. i go to college and my boyfriend goes to school 5 hours away. i love him very much and we’ve been together for almost 5 years. this is the first time i’ve ever made guy friends that aren’t his and the one boy in particular is overall nice and seems to be a little flirty but i think that’s just how he is and it comes off as flirty and i feel like ever since i felt that flirtatiousness it triggered me and causes me insane anxiety. now i constantly think about this person in ways i do not want to at all because the thought of not behinfbwjyh my boyfriend literally kills me. i think to myself oh you don’t have false attraction you actually like this person you wore this outfit for them you wanna go hang with your friends and the guys because you wanna see them and it’s to the point where i avoided going tonight because it made me feel so guilty and anxious i just wanna run to my boyfriend and cry to him and tell him every thought that runs in my head. someone help

Relationship OCD

helpme1234

Date posted: 1y

thank you so much for the kind words ❤️

xyz123s

Date posted: 1y

I went through this in college too! Almost exactly! It's very very hard and you're soooo strong for dealing with this. A lot of the proof that you DO love and want to be with your boyfriend is all in what you just said! You love him so very much, you can't picture yourself without him, and you clearly aren't interested in other guys if his "flirtatiousness" gives you anxiety. If you and your boyfriend have been together that long does he know about your ocd at all and what OCD looks like for you? I think it would be helpful to maybe have a conversation with him about it. Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, I think you're doing a great job already by labeling this as an OCD thing :) you clearly care so much about your boyfriend and would never do anything to hurt him if this is how upset you are by these thoughts. And that's all they are!!! Thoughts!!! Completely normal ones. You are a caring and compassionate person. If it wasn't OCD you wouldn't be this fixated on it and probably not think twice about it!

xyz123s

Date posted: 1y

Hope that helped a little!

helpme1234

Date posted: 1y

thank uou so much you don’t know how much you just helped me. yes he is well aware of my situation and it physically hurts me and gives me anxiety knowing that these thoughts may hurt him. he has begun to understand and he’s such a compassionate person when it comes to listening i got really lucky cause i feel like if it was anyone else they wouldn’t be able to put up with me 😭😭 it just sucks cause it feels like you’re lying to yourself when you say you don’t like that person. like i don’t think the kid is bad looking but even then i feel like that’s a indicator i like him and it sends me into a spiral.

xyz123s

Date posted: 1y

@helpme1234 I promise you aren't lying to yourself. You clearly know what you want and that's your boyfriend!! . When you feel like you're "lying" to yourself - that's when you KNOW its OCD. Because it's a horrible thing that makes us think differently than we ever would! Side note: even if you DO find someone else attractive other than your boyfriend, that's completely normal. Don't let OCD make it feel like it isn't or that it means something more.. you're committed to your relationship and seems like you guys really care about each other - you'll get through this!!!

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