Fixated on a thought and can’t move on

(Synopsis: Has your OCD ever latched on to someone and caused major changes in your life? How do you deal with feeling like a total creep?) My OCD has latched on to a guy I had a crush on through my school years. It started when I followed him on Instagram. I then broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years (which was for the best) and immediately started trying to SLEEP WITH THIS MAN. We DM’d and it went nowhere but I was EXTREMELY forward and aggressive to the point where a year later I am still very embarrassed by it. After that happened, I muted his story and posts and my obsessions faded. Then I was buying a home and since he is a carpenter I hit him up for a quote… It went nowhere as well probably because I BASICALLY SEXUALLY HARASSED HIM. Anyway, then I saw the gym he went to looked like something I might enjoy so I signed up. I fell in love with this gym and now I go every day when I was never an active person. I’ve seen him there a few times and we just say hello. Super awkward. My friend is into manifestation so she suggested I look into manifesting a “specific person” and there is all of this content online about manifesting someone into your life no matter the circumstances. All you have to do is speak it into truth. Well that doesn’t mix well with OCD so I FULLY convinced myself that he and I were meant to be and all of this insane stuff. I realized it was a problem when I was talking about him to every one of my friends and sounding like a weirdo. That’s when I started NOCD. That brings me to where I’m at now. Every time I go to the gym, I wonder if he will be there. When he pops into my head, I go to his (muted) Instagram to see what I missed. I still have lingering feelings that I am so obsessed with him because we are fated to be together. This man has been the catalyst to several big things in my life: breaking up a long term relationship, becoming a gym rat, and starting NOCD. I’m even in the beginnings of a great relationship and I still can’t stop these obsessions. I just started working on it with my therapist here but I need someone to relate to! Does anyone else have these obsessions and how do you deal with feeling like a stalker creep?

Hey everyone! I’m new to this app, but not new when it comes to OCD treatments. A few years ago I had to leave school/ my job in order to work on my mental health which was hard but needed. Mentally things have more or less gotten better OCD wise but I still really struggle with protectionism. I started a new job within the past 6 months that is challenging, but I enjoy enough to hopefully stay at for a few years. As of the past two weeks I have been really struggling with ruminating over my performance at work. I have been trying really hard to learn all the moving parts of the job, but because of lack of mentoring and constant little hiccups I have been stressing. Currently I have been overwhelmed/ overthinking so much that I have been messing up my work and it seems like my coworkers are pretty annoyed by constantly having to correct me. It’s honestly my worst fear as a perfectionist to feel like a burden. My intrusive thoughts as of late is that they are going to think I don’t care or try hard enough, that they talk bad about me to each other, and that they are going to fire me. Has anyone else experienced this type of OCD perfectionism that affects there performance within school or work and if so is there anything that you did in order to help recenter yourself in the moment to stop your brain from running in circles?

so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partner’s back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. i’ve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldn’t hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didn’t know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since i’ve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i don’t have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i don’t want to be with anyone else. but i’ve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i don’t want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - ‘what if you actually want to be with him instead and you’re just in denial right now’ or something like ‘you dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughts’ and i’m just so..drained. i’m so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously don’t want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with him…i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and i’m paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesn’t hold what i did against me but he’s well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesn’t deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i haven’t told my bf about these thoughts because i’m worried he would take it the wrong way. i really don’t think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i don’t want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)