OCD kills me

Hi this my first time ever hearing about this app n i downloaded it because lately my ocd been really bad and I feel I can’t have control over it it scares me because I sometimes hurt people around me when I don’t mean to for example my bf everytime something goes well my head just starts spinning in circles with bad thoughts n wanting to ruin stuff with him lowkey I messed up big times bc I let this time my thoughts win me over n took everything off on him without thinking n realizing how bad I had affected him it kills me because everytime I think im jus a weak person bc I always let everything get to me I’m jus so scared because now my head jus tells me your not good enough your gonna lose him this literally jus happens when something positive comes in my head or something good happens always jus wanna ruin it I hate it because I always believe my thoughts instead of him not because I don’t want to but because also of my past n trauma jus fucks it even more from the deep of my heart i believe him but my head reacts differently n lets it out n now am in the situation of knowing I can lose him any minute now even tho am putting my faith in god n trying my hardest to think positive n be better everyday I’m really trying but w ocd it’s so hard n jus get scared n let my thoughts get to me😞 idk what to do anymore

Does anyone experience ocd really bad with posts they see online? I just saw a post just now about someone who said they’ve come to terms with dying in their early twenties, and it popped up on my Instagram for you page and i panicked. I’m 20 myself and posts like this genuinely scare me because I always think “It’s a sign or there is a reason it’s popping up on my page.” Has anyone dealt with this before or had an instance like this? Especially with those posts that say if you don’t share or like it something bad will happen, it genuinely freaks me out and I love instagram.

I feel like I’ve had a lot of different categories of ocd. Some categories stick with me more and are repetitive. I’ve been doing well with mental health - not having anxiety stick around. When the physical feeling of anxiety sticks around, every thought is horrible, but when the feeling of anxiety is gone the obsessions don’t really impact me. If I can keep anxiety at bay, my life is good. I’ve been doing well lately, although this week I was scrolling through tictok and watched a video about someone in a coma and wondered if I was in a coma right now and didn’t know it. I had a panic attack for about 15 minutes. Anxiety, sweating, etc. It didn’t take ahold of me and it quickly lost its impact on me. It still shook me and I was just like “wow” where did that come from. Now I am staying away from social media. Is that avoidance? Should I make myself keep watching social media? Many ocd problems have come from social media or watching a movie or show that triggers something and then spirals. I am limiting what I watch, which I believe is good because I shouldn’t be watching that stuff anyway. What do you think?