How can I know if I have POCD or are in denial?

I’m 23M and looking back at some past choices that concern me. I was a huge porn addict and just now started to realize how harmful it is to the brain. I don’t know if I have POCD or in denial. I’ve lost sleep, been late to work, been lacking in my health and responsibilities for almost 2 months. Feel like I don’t deserve to be around my best friends. Feel like I have to admit to someone. It’s the first thing I think about waking up and the last thing I think about going to sleep. My therapist tells me that I’m okay but I kinda don’t believe him. I feel like I’m not giving him all the information or that he doesn’t understand. He didn’t even knew what POCD was. After 4 sessions I didn’t really feel like it was working out so now I’m switching to someone hear. There’s a lot of details that I’m not including but only because I’m just scared. I feel like I have had something inside myself that I didn’t even know I was capable of and now it bothers me.

rosieeee

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm in the exact same boat. 26f and was exposed to a LOT of shit online as a kid/teen that I shouldn't have been, and I've been grappling with my consumption of it/what it means as an adult now on and off for years. You are not your past experiences, and the fact that you're bothered by them speaks volumes about where you are now as a person.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm 22 and I've been through the very same thing. I've seen a lot of things that I shouldn't have and thinking of what I've seen still bothers me a bit. Like the person above me said, you have to be kind to yourself about all of this. What happened in the past is different from things now and who you are now. I've also lost sleep and had my health affected because of porn. You've learned from all of this and you're different than who you were when you were younger.

Ocd9239

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm 18 now and I've struggled similarly, I was also exposed to stuff like that as a child, and I wish I hadn't, but I can't change that. And I also struggle a lot w pocd aswell

lifeisworthit

Date posted: 1y ago

oh bepis, you’re not alone. at the very least rest assured that we are all in the same boat together, and have so much good in our hearts always :) sexuality is so annoyingly policed for how complex it is. our brains form connections that we have no control over just to be told we’re doing something bad for having them. it’s really ok. give yourself some love and patience and don’t try to take on the whole world all at once (ex: relationships with all of your friends, family, etc.) baby steps into getting to know that you’re a good person and remembering that each thing you do is a win and is not too small. if you get up and shower, that’s an accomplishment. if you make it to work at all, hats off to you. keep working on those little goalposts and don’t put so much pressure on being happy & healthy and having it all together all at once. you’re good :)

lifeisworthit

Date posted: 1y ago

@lifeisworthit *by the way when i say sexuality is so annoyingly policed, im by no means supporting any child-related stuff. only saying that these weird brain connections are shamed so heavily when they really are just that - brain wirings*

Wessers19

Date posted: 12w ago

Could being exposed to content as a kid affected me in this way?

Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.

misereri

Date posted: 12w ago

Urgent: i need yalls opinion

Sometimes I think " do I like kids?" "Would i get aroused if I saw content with kids?""What if I'm a pedo and cant accept it?" "What if I'm ok with these thoughts?" "What if I'm not distressed enough " "What if I enjoy these thoughts?" , i avoid kids as much as i can, i cant look at them bc I'm scared I'm gonna have some groin like response. I keep testing if I'd get turned on or if I'd have some groinal response to sexual scenarios with kids. Sometimes I think that if I took my life this would be over and i wouldn't have to think about this and i wish i doubted something else instead of things like this. I had similar situations just with different topics such as if i loved or found sexually appealing a guy while in a relationship and i kept asking myself those questions for months and i avoided going to school for weeks and when I went I'd cry and have anxiety attacks. I had it with past actions i obessed over and felt the need to exploit every detail and be honest because otherwise i was being a fraud. I had it for sexual things that happened when i was a child. Im not diagnosed with ocd but should i tell this to my local counselor? Can someone help? Give me advice or tell me anything?

POCD

UnknownPersonel

Date posted: 11w ago

Dad with pocd

Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore

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How can I know if I have POCD or are in denial?

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