Feel like I take 10 steps forward, 20 steps back

My OCD has been stuck on my weight for a long time now. When I gained 25 pounds it became debilitating. I have a history of anorexia, and now 25 pounds heavier I’m actually healthier then I’ve ever been. I have a very active lifestyle, eat a lot of fruits and veggies. I ran a 10k a few weeks ago. But my BMI says overweight. My parents and family call me fat. Even strangers have insulted me for my weight. I know I’m strong and I’ve worked so hard to improve my relationship with my body and food. One week I’ll have a confident day, the next week I’m in a dark place of body dysmorphia feeling like I’ll never make peace with my body. And I feel so much shame. For wanting to change my amazing, healthy body. This body that allows me to dance and run and hug my loved ones and carry me through life. I am so scared of gaining weight. Sometimes it’s all I think about, that fear. Days like today, I don’t know if it’ll ever get better.

Username: blazedblazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w ago

I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I don’t have anorexia but I struggle with body image issues too, and I get negative comments about my body so often. It’s hard not to take it to heart especially when you have a mental illness. It’s genuinely so upsetting. I know it’s easy to criticize yourself, but at the end of the day, you’re doing what’s best for you and that’s all that matters. Keep taking care of yourself and give yourself some grace. You can get through this; you’ve done it before and can do it again 🩷

Username: zortnorp zortnorp

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 43w ago

@blazed Thank you for these kind words friend ♥️

Username: PiaCollins88PiaCollins88

Date posted: 43w ago

hey there, i really feel for you. it sounds like you've been through a lot, and the strength you've shown in improving your relationship with your body and food is truly admirable. 🌟 it's tough, but you're not alone in this fight. i'm dealing with a different ocd theme myself, so i might not have all the answers specific to your situation, but i wanna share something that's been a game-changer for me. there's this app called "unstuck ocd therapy tools" that my local ocd support group recommended. it's pretty cool because it offers ai-personalized guidance and exercises right when you need them. it might help you too, especially on the tougher days. also, the ocd reddit has been a great place for me to find support and hear from others who really get it. hang in there. 💪

Username: happyllamahappyllama

Date posted: 16w ago

i thank you for putting into words exactly how i feel over and over again. just a cycle of feeling good about myself and then back in the shitter. yup. it can range from months to weeks to days and I know our bodies can’t change that much in days but I can feel so disgusting one and fine another, but there’s always the lingering fear of being fat and disappointing others.

Username: zortnorp zortnorp

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w ago

@happyllama Absolutely. I’m glad someone knows how I feel but am sad others have to experience this :( I will say this past week I’ve been doing very well. It comes and goes. Well be okay friend ♥️

Username: Salvatoria

Date posted: 5y ago

Does anyone struggle with their ocd when it comes to weight and exercise? I feel like I’m getting too obsessed with it and getting in the mindset of having a negative body image

Perfectionism OCD

Username: anna banana

Date posted: 5y ago

hey guys, anyone with eating disorders or body dysmorphia? ive had certain habits for a long, long time but ive started seeing them through a different light now. i usually try and starve myself to stay unbloated and skinny looking, and usually after a while i get so hungry that i binge eat. after the binge is over, i either drink excessive amounts of coffee (to work like laxatives) or i starve for days on end to “make up” for it. in all honesty, i would just throw up if it wasnt for a surreal fear of vomiting (only way emetophobia has been good for me ever) about half of the time i feel good about my looks, weight, body, face and all that, but the rest of the time i feel like i look disgusting, and thats where the starving comes in, and excessive grooming habits to cover my flaws. all of this was way worse a couple of years ago, and then it got way better, but along with all of this ocd this has gotten worse again. i feel like the way the “eating disorder” habits and the “body dysmorphia” plays out kind of look like an ocd cycle (sorry for self diagnosing, i dont know if i actually have these) another thing that i know for sure is very unhealthy is the amount of shame and embarrassment i have towards my body. i feel i “have” to do so many things to cover up, prevent or get ready for certain events or plans. overall, any time i need to be proper or any bodypart of mine has a role in something, i get so stressed to the point of panic attacks. i nearly had a burnout when i was seeing this guy for two months (my first time dating someone) from just sheer stress. before meeting up with him i would panic for hours, and still would while being with him. i barely got to enjoy the good times.

"Pure" OCD

Username: Nikki Kim

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

OCD & body image/food issues

every once in a while my body image issues flare up & it can get intense. i obsess over the feeling I have in my clothes to check if I’ve gained weight, think of food, and have this perception that everyone sees me in a certain light I don’t want to see. i really can beat myself up with negative self talk. i haven’t realized until today since body image issues are so common that this could be my ocd. i used to engage in highly restrictive behavior when it came to food—I eliminated any white carbs, dairy, meat, etc & would do intermittent fasting. it’s hard not to fall into this obsession. I gained a few pounds over the last couple of months and it makes me feel anxious for the summer. anyone have a similar experience? x

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Feel like I take 10 steps forward, 20 steps back

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community