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@GermanCowboy Do you think that what I saw is cp?? I’m so scared I don’t want to be a predator. I don’t watch any kind of porn anymore. I gave that up. I meant to say I did not go specifically looking for characters I thought looked younger. I never looked that up, I just looked up hentai and I think thought that was safe because I didn’t look up underaged characters. But looking up hentai without specifying 18+ now I realize is very dangerous especially because I was just looking in the google images. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sure I saw a character on a school desk and that’s wrong to me and disgusting. I don’t want to have seen that I’m so scared.

@bloominglotus It doesn’t sound like cp to me, so you’re safe there. I’m being a bit ambiguous in my answer because I am avoiding giving you reassurance. Actually, I admire you for giving up porn entirely. That’s a compliment and I hope you see how strong you are already. On my end, I too had similar thoughts but to be honest, ERP helped in reducing my anxiety. I also reduced my consumption of porn, I say it’s maybe 1 or 2 times a week tops, versus everyday lol

@GermanCowboy Ok, I still feel horrible about it but I feel a little bit better you don’t think I’m a monster. I’m not excusing it at all because it’s still wrong what I did and that I saw that. I know I never had any intention in my mind of specifically seeking out characters that I thought were younger. Thank you so much for saying that. It’s something I have no desire to go back to and I really just want to be a good person. I hope to get therapy and work through this. ERP seems really scary but I want to do anything I can truly to get better. I will still go watch what you suggested even if I’m scared. I’m glad to hear that it has helped you, that gives me hope. I’m glad you’re in a healthier state of mind.

@bloominglotus Don’t feel like you are alone on this, I too see problems with porn addiction, even if it’s the legal kind. Also, I too admit I’ve come across questionable images while searching, but honestly I pass on them because I’m just not attracted to them. That’s all the “evidence” I need to tell my OCD to stfu. That I’m not a pedo, because that’s simply not attractive to me and plus I choose to not identify as one. Your OCD can spin some strange narratives, and demand 100% certainty that either something is true or not. But bottom line, your intrusive thoughts don’t define who you are and you can certainly choose to not engage with them.