So... nothing is really wrong in my life. I have a job, my own place, friends and family who love me. I have resources to support me. And in spite of all of this that I have been blessed with, I am unhappy, depressed, and have much fear. And sometimes, the smoke clears and I’m sitting here feeling horribly selfish. Has anyone felt this or maybe know why it’s this way? Part of me (probably the OCD) likes to be miserable. I cut for no reason sometimes... I just don’t know.

Its like the OCD is a second person. Its like another person controlling you and trying to make your life more difficult. You cannot help how you feel, you cannot change your emotions. Maybe you havent been entirely honest with yourself and others, maybe there is something still holding you back? Or maybe you need a change in your life where something thrilling happens. Theres a lot of things that could be wrong, and theres a lot of things that you can do to get rid of these cloudy unhappy feelings. For starters, try being more honest about these depressed, unhappy, and fearful emotions ❤️

Josie is right. I’ve been there too where I’ve felt unhappy even though everything seemed to be going right. Although I think in my case it was because my OCD was convincing me I didn’t deserve anything good that I was being given. In any case, being honest with yourself and confronting your feelings is a healthier way to approach this so you can finally move on from it. I think practicing mindfulness would work. It takes a lot of practice and I’m not perfect at it myself but I’m doing far better today than a month ago since I started it.

Sometimes I just feel like I like being in this darkness and maybe it’s a defense mechanism. But I was doing better and I hadn’t cut for three months, but then I moved to a different town and I started cutting again. I know I’m scared to change, so I most of the time I don’t want to. It’s all very confusing...

Exactly. I feel so selfish and unhappy while i have e v e r y t h i ng anyone could wish for. Its feels like im sad for no reason but i know its hocd.

Koko, you have the same issue with your OCD where its like a genuine second person? Ive been afraid to say this because im afraid of sounding like a crazy person, but as long as i can remember my germaphobia has been like a devil on my shoulder that I know its speaking but at the same time, it isnt a voice that can be heard. Its like the second half of my brain sending messages I didnt know I was thinking!

Honestly, yeah. OCD feels like a second person and its own being entirely. Every time my themes switched it would be completely random and like a rush of anxiety would flow through me. Like I would be just thinking of the usual and all of a sudden OCD walks in like, “have you ever considered that this horrible thing could happen??” And I’m like??? What the hell?? How did that thought just pop in???

LOL SAME! Except my brain, due to past traumas, uses that against me. But im grown and mature, ive spent years mastering those emotions and making sense of my situations! ?