- Date posted
- 1y
Does this mean I’m into women?!
Ok so I’m a girl and actually I always only had crushes on guys. Usually I also only have fantasies with guys. But for a couple of months in 2021 I called myself bisexual thinking I was into women too. At some point I changed that back to straight again and also got rid of other things that I did back then like thinking I didn’t want to be a girl. I still sometimes have trouble with the „what if I’m still not comfortable in being a girl?“ but that’s not the problem rn. I just went through episode and I wanted to go through the categories. I saw Lgbtq and remembered one of my friends who always reads Lgbtq books. I decided to click on the category and looked through the different stories they had. I didn’t click on any books tho I just scrolled through it. But I suddenly got the feeling „what if I’m attracted to women?“ and then my brain started telling me to read one of the stories and just let into my feelings for women. I also had a tiny feeling down there but it was already there before I had seen the Lgbtq category. And my brain kept telling me to „just let into my feelings and read one so that I will finally realise I’m into women“. And I then decided to quickly leave the Lgbtq category again. But now I’m doubting it. What if I’m actually into women? Bc I honestly don’t want to be I feel so ashamed even though it’s legal in my country and I don’t see any big problem with Lgbtq, I just don’t really want myself to be this way bc I actually think men are really attractive and I wanna be with men. I feel as if being into women would close a lot of doors for me. I just feel so ashamed now, am I into women bc of those thoughts? I often have thoughts going like „what if I’m into my online best friend?“ and like, she’s female and bisexual so my brain keeps being like „what if you both like each other and will end up with each other and you won’t just stay friends like you’ve been for the past years?“ and I know it’s really mean with the assumption that just bc sb is bisexual they’re in love with u bc you’re the same gender as them and I’m not thinking that but sometimes I just have these sudden doubts. It feels as if, if my best friend would ever like me, sth would change and that I would just accept those feelings and would end up liking her too. She actually sometimes tells me abt some girl at her school that she said she has a crush on and that’s perfectly fine in my opinion. But then I sometimes have these doubts like „what if I’m actually into her and am jealous of her friend?“ and like, I really like that girl too even tho I don’t know her. She seems really nice to her. I saw a picture of her on Instagram and though she kinda looks like a pig to me, it’s none of my business. Whatever my friend is comfortable with. But what if I’m into women? I feel so ashamed rn :/ I feel forced to keep reading wattpad stories with men because of this but sometimes these stories are just so boring bc of the constant enemies to lovers trope but then my brain will suddenly be like „well why don’t you read a lesbian story?“ and like, I don’t want to read a lesbian story bc that’s not what I identify with and I don’t want to imagine anything with a woman :( I didn’t have this problem at all up until a month ago..