I’m losing my mind. Please someone help me

@RememberWhoYouAre. At this point I can’t even tell when I noticed it first. I assume he’s always been that way, I’m also friends with his sister and she has very similar mannerisms so I assume it’s just their weird quirks. But over time they became more apparent. I don’t know how to describe it as anything other than odd social behaviours and idiosyncrasies I guess. It’s honestly something that can’t be explained, it needs to be witnessed. He just sometimes acts in an odd and hyper way that most people would think is really odd I guess. Or maybe in a way that I would associate with childishness. Idk I can’t really explain. He isn’t like that constantly but I’m constantly noticing it more and more.

@RememberWhoYouAre. I think he’s just a little odd in general, though when I first started liking him I probably wouldn’t have thought so as much, but I slowly became aware of his own weird behaviours and quirks and I started worrying that I would make the wrong choice and it’s only been making me more and more scared

@Anonymous_confessions Sounds like ADHD idk that’s an assumption from my part. Personally I can’t say much because I need more details and I can’t obviously witness this relationship. I don’t know your personality and based on his personality him being odd and weird does anyone else notice? Social settings do people get weirded out? Give examples of what he says and does exactly that is weird and odd? Have you talked to him about this?

@Anonymous_confessions Plus what do you love about him and why do you stay? Is he a keeper? There has to be something good about him that made you into him

@RememberWhoYouAre. I’m sorry, I really wish I could explain it in words, but it’s just extremely difficult. He just acts in a very goofy and childish way sometimes. Sometimes he tries to be funny and says the most random and awkward things that have nothing to do with what is going on at the moment, sometimes he almost walks/runs in a weird waddle, sometimes he speaks in a childish way, etc. he knows he’s weird, I have told him, it’s almost nice to be able to laugh at it and say “yeah you’re really weird” but then he always responds with “and yet you’re still here” and it makes me anxious because it is the source of a lot of obsessive thinking for me.

@RememberWhoYouAre. Him and I have a lot in common, I think that was one thing that initially drew me to him (among other things like his smile or his uniqueness). But as I’ve gotten to know him he’s grown and matured so much, I feel safe with him, he is so patient with me and always wants to make sure I’m ok, he encourages me to be a better person and he encourages me in my spiritual growth, he is always trying to be a better person. Those are just of the things I can think of the top of my head.

@RememberWhoYouAre. Oh also he has a great work ethic, he can cook, and he is very organized and loves to clean, he is also the most prepared person I’ve ever met, he carries first aid supplies with him almost all the time so he can help if ever someone is in need

@Anonymous_confessions Ok I mean how long have yall been together? Because he’s probably just comfortable with you where he could be himself and act that way. I have a girlfriend and sometimes I think I’m weird as well because I do the same thing, it’s because I love her and I show my love both physically and in that weird way. Does he know you have OCD and how it operates?

@Anonymous_confessions See there you go if you view him as whole being he isn’t just weird, odd, awkward. Him saying, “ yet you’re still here” is a way of saying that you love him or love being with him beside him being weird and odd. To be honest, no natter what relationship after honey moon phase you’re not going to love or like EVERYTHING about your partner that’s how it is.

@Anonymous_confessions Wow that’s amazing. What’s wrong with him being weird and awkward? I don’t mean to come off rude but I just curious. So you feel the ick or feel off when he acts that why but why? Does it make you feel uncomfortable and awkward and if so why exactly do you feel that way? It could just be OCD

@RememberWhoYouAre. It does make me feel uncomfortable and awkward and a little turned off, and I think it scares me that I feel this way, I’ve struggled with feeling confident about my decisions in relationships for a while but when I met him I felt pretty confident for the first time in a while, then almost instantly my brain started going into over drive and now I’m scared that those feelings of disgust and unattractiveness that I get when he does things is an underlying sign I feel that way about him as a person and I need to leave. I’m not sure why I exactly feel this way when he acts weird. But I’ve been desperately trying to figure out if those thoughts and feelings are bad. I think at times I feel second hand embarrassment and that could be because I have a very overly critical and negative view of my self all the time so it could be reflecting in the the way I view his actions. Those weird behaviours have been bullied out of me a long time ago and I guess he just hasn’t experienced that, he doesn’t feel embarrassment over those things like I do I guess. But they still bug me and I wish they didn’t. I should let someone’s weirdness be the reason I leave, I’m fairly weird in my own way and I try never to be that shallow. It’s frustrating

@RememberWhoYouAre. I’ve been getting to know him since September, and we have both had some very vulnerable moments together, so I know he is comfortable with me, and I’m glad he is, and some of it could be that, but he does also exhibit sometimes cringy behaviour in public too. He does know I’m currently seeking therapy for ocd and related stress, but I haven’t been able to tell him about the theme I’m currently struggling with. But he is very supportive of me getting help and he’s very happy that I am. And he is more than willing to sit with me on the hard days and listen, which I appreciate

@Anonymous_confessions Well at least you’re very honest with yourself. I think it’s okay to be turned off and feel that way, because realistically in relationships in my opinions you can’t always be turned on. The cringy thing and awkwardness in public how do you react in real time when it happens? Do you say anything or do anything or just feel that embarrassment? Wow what you said about those weird behaviors being bullied out of you is an interesting point. Maybe the hurt you felt by being bullied by those weird behaviors is maybe projecting or getting triggered by the past whenever your boyfriend does that. So idk what if you’re not turned off or embarrassed but possibly that bully experience you had is showing up through him if what I’m saying makes sense.

@Anonymous_confessions So you guys are new in the relationship hasn’t been a year. At least you guys haven’t been together for many years and feel that way. I think it’s normal to feel that way if his behavior is bothering you. I have ocd too so I understand that feeling that you have is painful and magnified as well as non stop. Have you gotten advice from therapy about this yet? Any advice and perspective from close friends? Are you thinking of making a decision about this or you just don’t want to have these feelings and thoughts about this?

@RememberWhoYouAre. I don’t really do anything in the moment, sometimes I might question him a bit about what he did or said, usually to give myself some reassurance. I’m not sure, maybe it could slightly be the bully experience being triggered, I wouldn’t doubt that being part of the issue, but I do feel that it could also be just embarrassment and being slightly turned off as well, because we are two different people with different social behaviours and levels of comfort, and I’m a lot more introverted and anxious in social situations, and he’s also been homeschooling his whole life so he’s gonna be slightly weird. I only just started therapy and I’ve found it more triggering than helpful but I’m going to stick with it. I am a little scared the therapist will just reaffirm my fears. I try not to seek advice from close friends because of the nature of the issue, they don’t understand my thought patterns and often tell me to just give up and find someone else, which I don’t want. I want to overcome these thoughts and feelings, I want to try and make it work for once.

@Anonymous_confessions Oh wow he’s homeschooled that can explain a lot. Yea I understand about family and friends and how that could turn worse and more triggering. Are you guys in college? Just graduated highschool, maybe over time this will grow out and he will change or mature. Besides OCD in my opinion I would communicate with him about this like it’s okay to not like everything about your partner. I tell my partner that I don’t like certain things she says and does. Of course you don’t want to leave him but just because of those thoughts and feelings doesn’t mean you have to leave him or that you have to decide the future. Just a roadbump in the relationship mixed with OCD. That’s the frustrating part is the anxiety and ocd that amplifying the situation. About the reaffirming the fear for therapy I think all of us with OCD has that fear. I haven’t seen a therapist in a while because of that too but I’m seeing one next week. Do you anything that helps ease your emotions like sports or moving around?

@RememberWhoYouAre. Yeah we’re both currently in post secondary. To be fair, I was also homeschooled for a bit, but I went to an academy prior to that, and then did online high school. I’m not convinced his quirkiness is entirely from being homeschooled, maybe it’s just from his family because they’re all a little goofy. He is only 19 and I’m assuming some of that will change with age. And I’m hoping I can also teach myself to be more gracious and appreciative of his goofiness and weirdness. I’m going to try and stick with therapy and hopefully things will work out. I hope things go well with you meeting a therapist again! I do find it harder and harder to ease my emotions, but being outside on nice days and enjoying relaxing things like listening to music or watching comfort movies can help a bit. :)