Numbness and "did i actually think that"

Okay so yesterday my bf told me he can't wait to kiss me and suddenly anxiety hit and i felt triggered also felt numb 'cuz reading that text made me feel nothing. I freaked out. We are going to have a sleepover tonight and im scared the numbness won't go away and i won't able to be intimate with him. I barely managed to not answer the thought (not really) and tried to sleep. Now it's 6 am and im suddenly woken up by the thought "i don't really miss sleeping next to my bf and my bed is comfortable". Like i did really think that😫😫(my bfs bed is small tbh) And like 2-3 seconds later anxiety and the fact i thought that hit. But i did thought about it. I feel the anxiety and guilt now but since these are actually my thoughts. Am i falling out of love? Is this ocd? Is this normal? Am i forcing the anxiety and ocd? Does this mean we have to break up? What if the feeling of wanting to kiss him or sleep next to eachother doesn't ever come back? Also i am scared tonight when we have our sleepover i won't able to feel a thing and the break up thoughts are gonna come creeping in. I don't wanna find out that it was me all along😫 I tried to imagine him kissing me and us sleeping next to eachother to bring back feelings but it's not working😭😭Am i hopeless?

Relationship OCD

Maryah

Date posted: 1y

I completely understand how you're feeling. The thoughts that seem to swallow you whole especially when it's about someone you do love. I have no clue how long you and your boyfriend have been together. That can sometimes make a difference on the way you feel. Maybe you need to do some "soul searching". Dig deep, and ask your heart is this me or is this us? Am I feeling this way because of something I did, he did, we did. Or is it something you haven't had or gotten from this person. Are you searching for more or just at an impasse. Just listen to your heart, it is your best friend. I hope you get the answers you need and hope the best for you!

silabuse

Date posted: 1y

We've been together for 3 months. And we would have sleepovers a lot tho. So me thinking that really made me anxious. Im scared to ask is this me or not😫😫 I don't wanna find out if this is me

Maryah

Date posted: 1y

@silabuse It's never you for a bad reason. Sometimes it's your heart asking for more or less of something. You seem like a caring and sweet person who is genuine. Not someone who is the "problem". You're anxious for tonight, so maybe you can talk to him about rescheduling or if you're comfortable with being vulnerable with him, talk to him about how you're feeling. You are strong! You are kind! You are amazing!

silabuse

Date posted: 1y

@Maryah Thank you :(i did actually talk to him yesterday. I said "intimacy might make me triggered tomorrow but also im not sure" he said it's fine and not to think about it cuz tomorrow hasnt arrived. Even if i get a bit triggered he asks me if i want him to sleep in the living room. He is so understanding and here i am thinking all these thoughtz i don't want to😭😭😭

Maryah

Date posted: 1y

@silabuse He seems to respect your boundaries with intimacy and that's amazing. At the same time, I understand how scary those thoughts can be especially when you see this person who loves and cares and respects you. Its natural to question certain things and if you feel like it's spiraling into something that feels so draining, take a minute and breath. Or do some mindful observation or listening. Being in your head can be amazing, but also scary. But you're never alone! You have people here and in your life that care about you. You got this! Take some time out of your head and do some fun self care!

B4ll_Tongue26

Date posted: 21w

ROCD?

Is this ROCD? My girlfriend spent the night yesterday and we were cuddling when I felt that I may have not felt attraction towards her anymore. I started to freak out, because I felt that I hated her and didn't love her. When we would kiss I would get an uneasy feeling, like that I didn't want this relationship. I know I do, but it's freaking me out, it's like I can't even feel emotions towards her specifically anymore. I've been so distracted by this problem, I feel I'm also lacking attention towards her. I've been on my phone a lot during her stay because I've just been trying to distract myself. It hurts really bad, and I feel like a rude bitch.

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 21w

Feelings

Hey everyone, I wanted to come on here today to just share this post because I’ve been struggling with this recently. I just wanna know if this is a common thing in relationship OCD. So last Friday me and my boyfriend had a conversation that was important, and my emotions were high and I got a little emotional about something he said and we had a long talk about it, the conversation went great and afterwards everything was okay. On Saturday I was so excited to see him after work and I was overflowing with feelings of happiness and excitement. Sunday was great and we stayed on FaceTime just enjoying the day together after he went home that morning, and then came Monday. I remember getting a thought like this, “What if I’m losing feelings for him and I’m just leading him on?” And even this thought, “I don’t really feel anything towards him right now, does that mean I fell out of love with him?” And then the anxiety came, I could literally feel myself breaking out in cold sweats and I could feel the pain in my chest after these thoughts crossed my mind. But what bothers me so much about this is on Saturday and Sunday I felt so content and happy with him and I was so happy and I didn’t have any anxiety whatsoever, and then Monday came, and I had those thoughts and I feel almost numb and I can’t feel anything else except the feelings of worry and fear and my anxiety has been at a all-time high and I keep feeling this pain of guilt and hurt in my chest and I just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced the same. Because personally one thing I hate is that one day I can be so happy and energetic and then the next day I can feel numb and feel absolutely nothing towards my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this can correlate with my menstrual cycle as well, but I’ve heard that that can also make your relationship OCD worse and cause you to feel differently about your partner. Just wanting to see if anyone has dealt with the same!

user36373738

Date posted: 13w

Has anyone felt

I’m really anxious because I know my ocd is really bad right now so I shouldn’t try to figure it out cause my thinking is a mess but I’ve been having feelings of like I’m not sure if I love him anymore or worrying that I haven’t felt a lot like numb (a lot because ocd has been getting worse and worse) and thinking of like how I’ve been focusing on the negatives and only been looking at him through that lens and analyzing and also feeling like I don’t want this anymore. Basically just like negative thinking in feeling like I’m really scared it’s that it’s I don’t love him cause I don’t want it to be over and the thought of having someone replace him makes me ill. But like it feels like I’m not seeing him how I used to and it makes me upset. Today I was near someone I was like oh this person is cute and then I was thinking that the possibility of meeting someone new sounds exciting and now I’m freaking out because this in combination with feeling like maybe I don’t love him anymore is bad. Also my thoughts keep changing. and like sometimes it feels like I don’t care at all and this has happened but like worst it’s ever been and then other times I’m like I do care I do still feel. I’m just really anxious has anyone else felt this before and it was still ocd? 😭😭

Relationship OCD

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Numbness and "did i actually think that"

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