Does anyone with HOCD worry about the times they were homophobic? Like today in my Women’s study class, we were doing the heterosexual questionnaire and then my teacher asked us to fill the blanks in our head. I filled it with homophobic responses because I thought about what my parents or what others might say. But now I’m convinced that I’ve been faking being accepting the whole time and I’m really as bad as my parents.

I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?

Question for you guys, Those of you who suffer from HOCD or POCD and have vivid memories that contradict who you feel you are, how do you manage those memories? I had an OCD/anxiety attack that clinged on to the memories around me being curious after being bullied in school. My OCD keeps telling me that I enjoyed those experiences more than I should have. Even though it ended in tears and me knowing that that's not who I am, my OCD keeps telling me that it's an indication of my being gay or bi. I realize that some of those memories may be fake, but in the scope of acceptance of uncertainty let's assume that everything is right. My therapist tried to calm me down by saying that this is really normal and expected in young children and that it has nothing to do with who we are, especially since I was interested in girls and always fantasized about chased after them from a very young age.

I’m so afraid I might be lesbian. I was very anxious at first but it started to calm down. I’m only 15 and I have a boyfriend I love. At least I think I do, I always chose to question everything and over analyze. I found out about hocd and it described everything I was feeling. I’d take test and read articles like “am I lesbian” but I have never fantasied a girl or wanted to be with a girl sexually or romantically. But what if I’m in denial? I do think girls are physically attractive but I never crushed on a girl. I have always crushed on boys. And liked being with them. I’m just so lost. My anxiety about it had calmed down. But the question is still there sometimes. Earlier today, I found a girl pretty and I got scared thinking that meant something. Then I read about women who have married men, but they know they’re lesbian. I’m scared that that’ll Happen to me. I don’t want to be lesbian. No disrespect. But I just want to be happy. I think I’ve suffered from ocd before. Tell me anyone if I’m wrong. But I used to have thoughts of that my boyfriend would murder me in the future because of theses videos that triggered me. It caused me so much pain and felt so real. That I eventually started to think I’d murder my mom and sister for no reason. I felt so helpless. But I got through it. I hope I get through this. Please any advice? Is this hocd?? Does anyone else feel this way?