I did something that at the time, I didn’t think was wrong but now I feel super guilty. I didn’t cheat or anything but I feel really bad about it. People have told me not to tell my fiancé cause it isn’t important and it would honestly just hurt her. But shouldn’t I tell her if it’s something that could hurt her? It feels like I’m hiding something. Any advice please?
It will hurt her times 💯 if someone else tells her when you should have. You posting this indicates that you’re feeling guilt in some capacity. The truth will set you free, and give her clarity to choose her path forward with or without you.. withholding it will only torture you until you come clean.
@Leigh Green It isn’t something someone else can tell her.
@jesusm24 If people have told you not to tell your fiancé, someone else can definitely tell her.
Not pushing you to confess or anything, but without context it’s tough to gauge the severity of this. OCD often makes us blow very innocent actions out of proportion. Please keep that in mind!
@Cinnamoroll This is very valid. I apologize for responding so exact.
@Leigh Green No, you’re good!! It’s a tough situation and even my NOCD therapist says it might not be something I need to confess cause it’s just feeding into the compulsions. But this is a very hard situation.
@jesusm24 Got cha, if you’re open to it.. write down all of your thoughts in a safe place, maybe email it to yourself for safe keeping. If ever there is a time that it needs to be discussed, I think it goes a long way with a partner to see that consideration and thought went into the feelings that you weren’t sure how to express with a date stamp showing it’s not an afterthought.
@Cinnamoroll This is a really tough situation :(
@jesusm24 Seems like it. 😕 I agree with Leigh that you are putting in a lot of consideration into this which speaks volumes about your love for your partner! I would not allow this situation to put that into question. I find it interesting that you noted that, initially, you saw this action as innocent but only later developed guilt towards it. I can assume one of two things: Either, your OCD is making you retroactively condemn an innocent act and feeding guilt into you, OR, it was an action you thought was safe to do within your relationship, only to realize later it was not allowed. Or maybe even something other than that, it is not for me to know! Regardless, there IS a light at the end of this tunnel. That is: Accepting that uncertainty until the OCD relinquishes its hold on you, and/or communicating with your partner. Sometimes we do things that we do not realize that, at the time, are harmful or disrespectful to our partner. We are bound to make these errors through time. Absolutely. We are not perfect people. And your partner knows that! And neither do they want you to be perfect, in fact, they want to see you in all your imperfections, and to grow. The beauty within a relationship is that it’s a partnership, a two-person unit. You work with your partner to mend your mistakes, take care of one another, and grow together. Remember that your partner loves you, and you love them. They are not a victim of your “slight” nor are they your enemy, they are your best friend. Have faith in them, and in yourself! You can win against this current battle, and it doesn’t have to be a lonely one! Remember what’s motivating you here: Your love for your partner. Do NOT let OCD make you think any less of you nor your relationship. Only YOU and your partner get to determine where it goes.
@Cinnamoroll Thank you!! This is great advice and it’s great insight!
@Leigh Green Thank you!! I’ll do this!
i have a very strong fear of cheating on my partner due to past experiences in my relationship and so i was scrolling through old messages and i saw i was texting another girl i used to play video games and i also tried to get together with and in this conversation we had talked about how i had got a girlfriend and then we played some games but the messages just seem flirty and i guess i just feel guilty or like what if i cheated and didn’t remember or were my intentions at the time to be flirty does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?
I have been battling ocd for over a year now and it likes to switch themes. Currently, it’s attacking my relationship with my girlfriend who I’ve been with since I was in high school over 10 years ago. It first began as an intense feeling that I have to leave or break up with her over dumb little things. Then it changed into a lot of guilt for having any thought about another girl. And the worse is feeling this intense guilt for past things I’ve done in the past while in this relationship. We were so young and I was teenager, but I often found myself watching porn, fantasizing about real other people in my life, and getting off to other girls that I may have known. When I was younger I didn’t think it was bad and that it was just a normal teen boy thing, but 10 years later I have so much guilt about it. And yes I’m with the same girl now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I know I love this girl and I’m ready to propose to her soon. Anyway, these past mistakes I did when I was younger make me feel like a cheater and I can’t stop ruminating about it. I feel like I have to admit every detail and person I’ve ever had a bad thought about. I feel like if I propose to her and don’t tell her everything, that I’m a lair and didn’t give her the full picture. And the other day one of the girls I thought was hot when I was younger, came up in convo and I just went downhill. Now she knows I deal with OCD and she is very supportive, I’ve told her before that I did some bad things, but never all the details. And that’s all my brain keeps telling me to do. I have so much tightness in my chest and just want to be able to breathe again. But everyone says to not admit or it’ll reinforce the cycle, I’m just not sure how everyone else does that. And at the same time, maybe I am a cheater and just simply a bad person. Idk! I never cheated physically or anything like that, but my past mistakes feel like I did. But again I may just be a bad person! Please if anyone has advice or is dealing with similar things, I’d appreciate the help!
Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!
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