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Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 37w ago

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Conflicted feelings about sexuality and a long-term relationship.

SOOCD after a long time

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 37w ago

Yes, I had intrusive thoughs about being gay since I was 13, I'm 20 now, and at the begging I was trigger as well, but now it just seems like that's what I really want, and the false atraction seems like I really like this person more than a friend, and when I see my brother with his boyfriend I feel like I would like to be in a relationship like that

Username: hr247hr247

Date posted: 37w ago

@Nicolas:) and do u actually consider urself gay or no

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 37w ago

@ocdposting - Such a triggering comment for the guy that posted. If you don't understand that subtypte kindly don't write ignorant comments like this one. The guys suffers from OCD, this is why he's ont this plateform and more specifically from SOOCD.

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 37w ago

@ocdposting - No, I don't think I am, or at least I hope so

Username: AnxiousMind24AnxiousMind24

Date posted: 37w ago

I totally get your feelings, this is such a scary theme 😫 you probably already know the usual advice of resisting rumination, which sometimes is so so hard to follow. I’ve had this theme twice and this is my third time dealing with it, but it’s interesting how every time it comes back it has a new “twist” to it. But what I can say from my experience is that you can’t let your mind engage in these future scenarios. I also have this fear of ending up with a woman, but I tell myself that I will cross that bridge when I get there. I don’t know how yours got originally triggered, but I always wish I never read about latebloomers and stories like that. They really messed with my head. Also that story from a bi girl is just her personal experience. If it happened to her, doesn’t mean it applies to you. I totally get that it’s very triggering nonetheless, but just remind yourself that we don’t know that girl and we don’t know her full story.

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 37w ago

thank you so much for your input! honeslty I kind of always had these thoughts in the back of my mind but once I got into a relationship they were sooo loud! so even tho I have "breaks" they're always in the back of my mind... and yes I know I should stop, its just that sometimes it feels like I could relate you know? and I guess the fact that Im getting older and feel like I have to take important decisions ( get engaged/married/have kids) soon make me even more anxious because at the end of the day I just want to be happy no matter the outcome. Maybe yes, maybe no! how are you doing?

Username: AnxiousMind24AnxiousMind24

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymousesti I’m also at the age where I should be making important decisions about my life. This theme is really preventing me from dating because I’m so scared to lead anyone on and I feel like I have to “figure it out” before I even go on a date. But there’s nothing to figure out, we all just have to live our lives and stay in the present! My theme is around being bi so I just tell myself that “what’s the worst that would happen if I never truly knew my real sexual orientation? Well, I guess I would just happily date men like I’ve always had”. It’s interesting how so-ocd is about this fear of not truly knowing ourselves but I don’t think it’s possible to know every facet of your identity anyway. Anyway, I’m starting to ramble… I’m doing okay today, will be taking a break from this app because I really want to get better! I hope you feel better soon too 🙏🏻

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 37w ago

@Anonymousesti - I undertand completly, even when I'm not actively ruminating I still feel it in the back of my head, it's like that feeling you left something unfinished

Username: AnxiousMind24AnxiousMind24

Date posted: 37w ago

@Nicolas:) I have this too!! The last two times it went away completely for me, but then it would come back after 3 years every time…

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 37w ago

@AnxiousMind24 The false atractions feel so real tbh, without anxiety they feel like just the regular ones

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 21w ago

This litrally describes me, when this theme forst came in was so debilitating and it don’t feel like that as much now. I’m 21 and have been with my boyfriend over 3 years and we a looking at houses and having babies and it feels like so much pressure and a need to ‘figure it out’

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 29w ago

SOOCD nowadays

Hi guys, do you ever feel, even when the anxious feelings are gone (and your not in the back door spike window) that you still dont know who you are and what you're afraid of ( for instance in this case, not being straight) is actually true and that whole OCD cycle you're in might or might not be OCD but it doesnt matter because you're just using it as a way of proving that what you're feeling is normal and not actually face the truth? these are my thoughts right now... I was doing well, but even when I am doing well I still think about those stuff idk... like how do I know what true love is? am I faking my love for my bf and one day I'll be tired and actually just "want to accept the truth because its lighter?" becaus at that point I really feel like I'm in a movie and just playing the role of someone. Between renée rapp coming out as a lesbian after saying she was bi and sophia bush an Chrishell stause falling in love with women after being with men all their life its been kind of a triggering week (even tho when I learned it felt like I was happy like yes! they're a part of the lgbtq+ community as if I was part of that community too which triggered me even more) PS : no disprespect to anyone I'm just really triggered and confused!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 26w ago

SOOCD came back strong

Hey guys so I've been doing kind of okay for the past few months (SOOCD was still there in the bcak of my mind but it didnt stop me from living me life) however I got triggered (or I think I did) these past few days for 2 reasons : 1) a person I know just got married to her partner of the same sex and I saw pictures of the ceremony all weekend and it felt like "I wanted this and this feels more genuine than what I have" + they wrote a caption saying how they won't hide anymore and they're poud of who they are etc etc... which felt like I could relate and that I'm actually in denial 2) I was scrolling on Tiktok and saw a video of girl talking to another girl on her podcast and saying that she always thought she was a lesbian and then met the love of her life which happens to be a guy. And then she goes on and says, "growing up I always feared of being anything else than a lesbian" and the other girl says " you know, that's weird, that means that deep down you know it wasnt the right label for you because whe I came out there was no fear of ever being straight or bi, like that was it for me." and then the first girl goes on and says " That's what I've been telling my girl friends. When you're straight and you know that you're straight you dont fear a label or being of another sexuality it shouldnt really matter to you but if you are scared this means that you're actually maybe hiding something". Anyways that triggered me a lotttt!! I dont know what your thoughts are on that so I would love to hear them! for info : I'm a women and have been with my bf for 6 years now.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 25w ago

SOOCD for a long time

Is there anyone here who has struggled with SO-OCD for a very long time? or as long as they could remember? I see a lot of post of people saying "yes, I always knew I was straight and it came suddently out of nowhere" or "yes I was always boy crazy and one morning I woke up and had these thoughts". However, I have had these thoughts for as long as I could remembrer (maybe since I was 8 or 10 years old) and I am 26 today! Which makes me feel like 1) my OCD is fake and its just denial and I'm just too afraid 2) I feel so alone. My therapist actually dignosed me with SOOCD 6 years ago but I just always feel like there is something not right... I also have been with my bf for 6 years and I love him but again it always felt like something was missing... and at the same time I cant imagine life without him and I love cuddling/being close to him... I know that there are a lot of people on the spectrum, I'm just scared that I'm living a lie and will deceive everyone and will come out later in life (like Sophia Bush or Chrishell Stause) when I have kids and I'm gonna ruin everyone's life... Like my mind is telling me now is better than after, come on do it!

Sexual Orientation OCD

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Conflicted feelings about sexuality and a long-term relationship.

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