Is this my ocd?

I am not asking for reassurance I’m just freaking out about something that just never crossed my mind before. I’m helping to raise my nephew since he was a baby. I vaguely remember patting him on the bottom when he was one playfully. He was bouncing around the couch and I was also just making sure he didn’t fall. I never thought of that contact or interaction as inappropriate or weird. Why on earth 6 years later am I freaking out? I started having unwanted intrusive thoughts surrounding past events and my anxiety is through the roof. Is it normal to question yourself like this if you have ocd? Please know I love my family so much and this questioning is killing me.

"Pure" OCD

OCDSurvivor123

Date posted: 1y

Yes. I question myself constantly. Especially because my thoughts feel more compulsive than they do intrusive. You did not do anything wrong. I promise you there are well meaning people who do the same thing to strangers’ babies sometimes!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@OCDSurvivor123 I thought the same thing, but felt icky as more intrusive words crossed my mind and kind of fused with that memory. Don’t know if that makes sense. I love my nephew so much and it’s a new thing today where I’m ruminating and overthinking every potential “wrong”. Scared to voice this to people who don’t have ocd because they may take it completely the wrong way and think I’m an actual threat.

OCDSurvivor123

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I suffer from a different theme but I am there with you and understand you. Remember that OCD latches onto the things we care about the most and says the things that are the most anathema/ last things we would ever say. I am confident that if you opened up about your OCD, your family would be supportive. They know your heart

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@OCDSurvivor123 My dad unfortunately was an alcoholic and I opened up once when I was 11. I told him I was scared I would hurt someone sleep walking. It was intrusive. He really didn’t comfort me or try to get me any help at that age. He responded to me like I was really capable of hurting someone. My mom went through years of verbal abuse with him and she’s 63 now and I don’t want to put any more strain on them though they are aware I have ocd and so far are not afraid of me. My sister just had a baby and I’m terrified if I talked about this stuff she would be afraid of me.

OCDSurvivor123

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I’m so sorry for your lot in life, but if your family knows you have ocd I’m sure they will understand. I don’t think your own sister would view you as a threat. If you wanted though, you could open up without being too specific. You could tell her just what you wrote on here. How much you love your nephew and how badly your ocd is afflicting you because of it

OCDSurvivor123

Date posted: 1y

@OCDSurvivor123 Such as you are being tormented by thoughts that you will be a bad aunt

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@OCDSurvivor123 Ty, I just have to be careful to not seek reassurance. It’ll get better though. I went off my meds and that was a big mistake. I’m back on them and it’ll take time to build up in my system again. I did tell her at lunch I was on the verge of panic and she welcomed me to her house and said if I’m gonna be anxious I can be anxious there. She is a special kind of person. I do avoid details to avoid reassurance. I really appreciate you helping me though. I see it as helpful. I forget how bad ocd can get sometimes and feel like I’m losing my mind.

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

sanshine

Date posted: 16w

I'm scared....

𝕊𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕪 𝕚𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕥 😞𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎𝕋𝕎 ℙ𝕃𝔼𝔸𝕊𝔼 𝔻𝕆ℕ'𝕋 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻 𝕀𝔽 𝔼𝔸𝕊𝕀𝕃𝕐 𝔻𝕀𝕊𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔹𝔼𝔻 𝔹𝕐 𝕋ℍ𝔼𝕄𝔼𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕂𝕀𝔻𝕊 hi everyone, I am really struggling with something disturbing and I'm so afraid I'm a PDF. So my sis came to visit with my nephew for the first time. So the other day we were taking pics with the baby I was already feeling kinda nervous cuz I never held a baby before. Anyway it was my turn and I like I wonder if this would sexually stimulate him( not exactly the thought but the of thought was more graphic and I don't wanna disturb anyone). And I can't remember if I thought that while I was bumping him on my stomach (like how people bump babies on their hips) or before I started doing so. Anyways I can't really remember what my reaction to that thought was or if I started bumping him before or after I had that thought... So I tried not to think much of it but over time I started to spiral really bad and wonder why I thought that and why then I would bump him on my stomach after having that thought or during. I just feel so disgusted. Like was I curious about it? Did I disregard the thought because my brain thinks disturbing things? Ik right now away from that situation that ofc I have no sexual interest in my nephew at all. I played with him and helped changed diaper and everything and never had the urge to do anything inappropriate to him besides that one weird instance. So like I'm so disturbed like did that mean something? I have P OCD but that didn't really feel like an intrusive thought? I also can be very impulsive, and if it was impulsive does that mean I had a desire? Now I'm terrified of having kids even though I wanted some or to foster some. I mean I know but myself I'm not sexually attracted to kids but then why would I think that I am so disturbed really and feel so sick. 😞😞😞😞 I don't know what to do I'm so scared about what my motivation was I feel so bad and scared😞😞😞😞

POCD

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 16w

Pls has anyone been through this?

Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?

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