Rocd

Hiii :) I feel like I come on here and type stuff out all the time , but this one is about my Rocd. I have had a difficult time in my relationship more than once with Rocd and this time my brain is saying “maybe this keeps happening because he truly isn’t the one”. When I have said multiple times to my mom and family that he’s the one I’m going to marry. My first ocd attack in this relationship was back in may/June of 2023. Our one year anniversary was on February 25th :), everything was fine , my mindset was fine , our relationship was healthy. I have been going to therapy so my self esteem and confidence has gotten a lot better and apparently that changed my behavior in my relationship, to a point where now my boyfriend is overthinking and feeling afraid that I will find someone better than him because I now think highly of myself. Which I do not judge him for it, I was once in his position. My therapist said something about how it’s either I’m losing interest in him or I feel secure with him and that’s why I’m acting differently. Which I think was my first trigger , then my friends called me up soon after my therapy appointment and said “forget the boyfriend and come move back home we miss you” because I moved to Florida to be closer to my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend more than anything and even typing this out now my brain is like “do you? “. “But you feel nothing”. I feel like there is a wall between me and reality right now and every time I am with my boyfriend I try so hard to feel something that I feel nothing, I have gone numb. I don’t have a sex drive , I don’t feel butterflies, I question if I’m attracted to him, every time I look at him I try really hard to feel infatuated with him and I feel nothing. This numbness came out of nowhere and it’s making me so frustrated and depressed and I do not know what to do. I struggled with Rocd in my past relationships but the guys I were with couldn’t handle it so we ended. This is the first guy to stick around. So if I had stayed with those other guys would it have kept happening in those relationships too? Or is the guy I’m with really not the one? I feel so stressed and defeated and all I want is for things to go back to the way they were last week when it brain wasn’t being like this :/ Of course I love my partner , so why do I feel so numb with him and why am I not having panic attacks like I used to whenever Rocd hit. Am I not panicking because I truly don’t care? The stress is so depressing.

Relationship OCD

msyed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Hi, I struggle with rocd too. My friend with ocd also once told me that if I didn’t love him I’d just leave, if I didn’t wanna be in the relationship I’d just leave. But clearly I’m still here and now married to him bc I choose him and do love him. My rocd is so obsessed with how I’m feeling with him and honestly everything rocd related. Point is, I think you need to stop trying so hard to feel something and “figure out” all these questions you have. Because most likely it’s just the ocd thoughts & questions not you. A good analogy I remind myself of is if you bring a friend to a party and you’re constantly asking them if they’re having fun, they’re gonna never be able to have fun bc you’re constantly asking and demanding an answer. Likewise with our thoughts, just let the thought be, let the friend alone so they can enjoy the party & see if it’s fun for themselves. Anytime you want an answer so bad, your ocd will continue to pull you in a never ending cycle. So I would really recommend try non engaging responses to any ocd thought & continue with your day, show ur brain that these thoughts are not important. Also, I also had flare ups during important dates like anniversaries, so know that that is normal. Big moments scare us and bc we have ROCD, the big moments or important dates are gonna be hard sometimes, but u are strong enough to handle it, I promise. Also to help put things into perspective that helped me, i took ocd out the picture and saw that my relationship is very healthy and there’s no major red flags or problems. And the only times i have big problems & doubts is when my ocd is flaring. So that goes to show that there’s nothing actually wrong with my relationship, it’s just ocd trying to trick me and think there is. Stay strong, continue therapy, you got this <3

faye1010

Date posted: 24w

ROCD

Good morning everyone, I need some opinions or help on what people might think is wrong. March 2024 is when I started questioning everything about my relationship for no reason he is everything that I wanted, but my mind is trying to tell me that it isn't April 2024 was probably one of the worst times of my life I stayed home from work because I was constantly crying and totally sick because I didn't know what to do. The thoughts slowly started to not bother me as much. I feel like since it ever started I never have gotten that. Love feeling back for my boyfriend, but I want it back so bad because when I did have it, it was absolutely amazing. I have no desire to kiss him or be intimate with him either which also scares me fast-forward to today. I am waking up with so many doubts in questioning myself. Is this ever gonna go away or am I ever gonna feel that love back for my boyfriend ever again? I feel like I'm wasting his time and my time because it feels never ending. I went to a therapist shortly after starting to deal with this and she didn't really seem to help so now on Wednesday I have a new therapist that specializes in OCD I think does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.

Mariabae

Date posted: 22w

im so lost, my rocd is taking over.

I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

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