i got a thought of “why are you fighting against the “urge” so much? just give in” and it’s scaring me. it’s like i now i don’t know why i’m fighting against it. but i know why i have been, i don’t want to hurt my family. but now this thought makes me think i actually do. i don’t know what’s going on truly, sometimes i feel like i’m able to tell it’s all ocd and then sometimes it feels so real.
Keep hanging on in there. I suffered hugely from this.
@Mummaof2x im trying but it’s so hard. it’s like the thought made sense in my head? i actually thought about why i’m fighting against it so much. i’m scared this means i actually want to harm my family now.
@stargirlll It made sense in my head too. You’re fighting the anxiety, not the thought. try and let the anxiety be there and see how you purposely try and solve it.
@Mummaof2x that makes sense. the anxiety i get is the problem but still even after you telling me that i’m still wondering why i even had that thought. i keep trying to think so hard about why i’m fighting so hard against it, this doesn’t seem normal. i’m scared i’m going to question this so hard that i’ll just decided to go ahead and do it. sorry to bother you, but i’m just so worried right now.
@stargirlll How long did your thought stay with you? I’m kinda going through this same thing
@Anonymous i was able to stop focusing on it so much for a little actually, so not that long. now i’m able to think rationally now that i’m not as anxious anymore.
@stargirlll for me it’s just the exact thought of “kill mom” or something on the lines of that. It just pops up and it feels like it’s with me all the time .
To me it sounds like you are ruminating and stuck in a loop of trying to figure this out. I would suggest doing something you enjoy even if you are just going through the motions right now. Hopefully that will tell your brain all the false alarms it is sending you right now are not important.
Overcoming Harm OCD is a good book to have for ideas on dealing with this
How do you "fight" these thoughts or urges? Just curious
@Wolfram When you “fight” intrusive thoughts you are likely to make them come back. Everyone gets an intrusive thought now and then just letting it pass as meaningless
@Wolfram now that ask you me i don’t know? i guess fighting as in trying to calm my anxiety down and trying not to have the intrusive thoughts.
@stargirlll OK 2 questions. How do. You calm your anxiety? How do you try not to have the intrusive thoughts? There's right and wrong ways and they're not always immediately obvious unfortunately 😅
@Wolfram i def do it the wrong way. i use the sos feature on here and watch the video regarding harm ocd, i think it became a compulsion for me now. then while watching the video i’ll search up harm ocd on reddit and read them just to show myself that i’m not the only one struggling. doing that helps calm me down, especially when my thoughts are telling me i’m actually going to do it.
@stargirlll When you go on reddit, what's the purpose behind it. Is it in spite of the thoughts or because you want to go on it anyways? This'll help me understand how you think. Then I can suggest some stuff
@Wolfram i go on reddit so i can search if anyone feels the same way i’m feeling in the moment so i can get some relief.
@stargirlll Seems like reassurance seeking-ish. Watch some videos that explain ironic process theory. If you have any questions on it just ask. Theres a fairly well known experiment called the White bear experiment that shows how it works too. It's something you can do yourself and doesn't take long
@Wolfram will do, thank you!
@stargirlll If you need. Help understanding anything on it, let me know as I can do that experiment with you. It'll only take a few minutes
Suddenly I started ruminating again but I no longer get bad anxiety over the thoughts but it feels like the ‘urges’ are still there and it’s making it seem more real that these are true. Why am I having urges without the anxiety or it’s weird like i don’t even know when im anxious maybe i got use to the feeling of being anxious but it feels too real and I get these weird thought that are like ‘imagine you was evil anyways’ or ‘imagine you want to be but your in denial’ or the worst makes it feel like you would like acting on the thoughts even if you choose not to do it and it feels really real. The thoughts are about stabbing and it felt so real and I started imaging it on purpose to ‘test’ myself but it doesn’t ever feel like I hate it enough or don’t want it like I feel numb to everything and it feels really real like I want it or do want to do it but I’m just choosing not to and it’s scary but I use to get so much anxiety over this and now nothing now it feels like I don’t even feel like I ‘hate’ it or I should know that I don’t want to do that? Instead of sitting there experimenting with the thoughts to see. I want it to feel like I don’t want it and don’t like it I constantly feel like I’m lying about not wanting this, but it’s concerning me a lot because it feels so real that I like it or want it and there was one point where it felt like it was about to happen and that I wanted it and now that’s made me think there is something wrong with me or that I want to give in to it 🙁 please I don’t belive anything I don’t even belive I am sad it feels so real that it was about to happen or I wanted it and I don’t know what to do I was fine before and suddenly I started ruminating and now this
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??
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