What now?

And I’m really really worried. As soon as he took it and he smiled at me even though I enjoyed it I was freaking out. Because what if it does work out but then he finds out about my mental illness and uses it against me? What if my pocd thoughts aren’t thoughts they are a reality and I find out I’m not attracted to him? What if we are doing great and we start to have sex but I can’t focus because of my pocd? A large part of me is hoping that he doesn’t call me and just tosses the paper away I feel like I made a mistake.

i went on Reddit to search for help, i posted a thread about a sexual physical compulsion i have related to my pocd, and a couple people messaged me asking for advice or whatever, this one guy did and we were chatting and he started saying some weird stuff and saying he thinks it’s really hot i have these intrusive thoughts and all this weird stuff and it triggered me really bad, i ended up crying and deleting the chat with him idk how to block but we were actually talking about it at first ( about intrusive thoughts ) and i was giving advice and it just turned weird. i feel like now i am a creep cuz why else would he say all that stuff to me?

About eight years ago now someone started impersonating me and posting sexually explicit messages on Craigslist using my phone number, instructing people to call or message me with a code phrase that included a comment about my vagina. He also opened an email in the format firstname.lastname@domain.com and messaged a bunch of casting directors and agents with photos pulled from my Facebook page and suggesting that I would do sexual favors for an opportunity. As an example, one photo was me in the booth doing voiceover and the text underneath was “Wait til you see what else I can do with my mouth…” The only reason I was able to get my Actors Access account back was one of the admin noticed that the explicit email’s address didn’t match what was registered in my account. I remember she just said “Poor girl” before we hung up as this was obviously something that was just… going to happen I guess. He also sent handwritten letters to prisoners —mostly convicted for violent crimes—which included more photos pulled from my Facebook account. I’m in the process of looking for other career opportunities, and one person I was in communication with hasn’t reached out in a couple weeks, which is a little concerning as he was pretty quick to get back to me before, but also a little par for the course in the entertainment industry. And I think I know who the impersonator was and he seemed to only operate using info he had: photos from social media bc we were online friends, my address bc he had come over before, my phone number of course because we would text. And he’s blocked everywhere and I’ve moved and we haven’t spoken in years but every time I don’t get the job or I don’t get a call back or whatever that sticky thought just won’t leave and it makes me so anxious about persuing better opportunities and it’s so unfair how much that experience can still effect me and I can’t stop thinking about and I know that I’ve done all that I’ve done and I’m continuing to stay vigilant, but it’s this thing where I *have* to know whether or not it’s him in the background pulling the strings. How do I live with this fear and keep going?