Can anyone relate?

i don’t know what to do anymore. i love my boyfriend but i also feel so guilty because i critcism him in my mind and im really controlling and i know that and im pretty sure if i really loved him i wouldn’t be thinking the things i do about him sometimes i wish he was smarter or did certain things and i hate it is it bad that i think that? part of me thinks i should just give up and find someone perfect and wait for the real one but i also love him and he’s my best friend and i don’t want to lose him but at the same time i want to break up with him because sometimes certain things don’t feel right and just the fact that i have cirticisms about him makes me feel terrible and he’s so so perfect and sweet and i think he deserves someone better and i really don’t know what to do please help i wanted it to be him i did and it just feels like something’s going to happen to us like i’m going to break up with him but at the same time i don’t want to but i don’t want to feel like this forever i wish i didn’t judge him because he’s perfect and i planned my future with him but i also can’t stand having all these thoughts and it’s not right to him either and i love him but i don’t even know what to do anymore i want to be with him forever but i want this to go away and i wish he was different but i also know i can’t make anyone change and it’s bad that i don’t love him just the way he is? shouldn’t he deserve someone who loves him just the way he is i just feel so awful and sick this is going to break my heart it feels like i should break up but at the same time i start crying as soon as i think about losing him please help im paralyzed and sick and losing my mind

So I’m scared I lost feelings for my girlfriend of almost 9 months and I feel like it’s my mind overthinking and anxiety. I talked to her about it and I started crying to her because I don’t wanna break up with her. I care about her being a good person and all and just making sure she’s okay but I don’t wanna lose feelings and I would do anything to get them back. I had the biggest crush on her and seeing her with other guys before we dated even broke my heart for weeks. I wanna live a life with her but it hurts because I think I lost feelings.

maybe i dont want to accept the factvthat i lost feelings, maybe i never actually loved my boyfriend and i hust wanted a relationship , i dont want reasurance, but in very scared i dont love him, because it feels real. im scared