Even more nervous about my health now 18+

I think so but I didn't want to make it known because I'm really ashamed of this. I was just going these problems would go away but they're not. I have referrals for all of my concerns but haven't used them yet

I checked long ago about this for a UTI but I never had a UTI. This was back in August. Now, I've just had bumps there from my embarrassing, impulsive sex addiction and now it's making everything worse. It can't be an STD because I'm not sexually active. I don't know what's happening to me. I occasionally fear it's syphilis but I just don't know

@BigGyro09 Don't be ashamed. You'd be surprised how many people go through this kind of thing, lol. Besides, I can promise you whichever nurse or doctor that picks up your call has heard and seen much worse. I know it's hard to open up about it but it will be beneficial in the long wrong. Even if you feel shame. Do it shameful, knowing the feeling won't last forever. There's an awful stigma around "gross" conditions that are out of your control but it's nothing to be ashamed of. At least, I dont think it is and I know your doctor won't think so either. Also if you're not sexually active with anyone other than yourself, the chances of you having syphilis is incredibly low. Of course I can't reassure you for sure but. It might just be irritation from excessive touching?

@Northern_Downpour I just can't help it. Maybe if I were to get through this and be 100% fine, my shame for all of this would decrease. I just hate where this has taken me and every single day it's a problem that I've only told specific people. I have an idea from where this has come from, but I don't want to gross you out by it so I won't say it. It's too shameful and disgusting and I just have a lot of trouble forgiving myself for this. I always replay the event in my head and I feel terrible about myself. I just hate where anything sex took me in life. I just don't know how to open up about this and I'm afraid. I just don't know what's wrong with me.

@BigGyro09 Nothings wrong with you. You're a victim of unfortunate circumstances. I won't make you talk about it if you don't want to. Forgiving yourself if one of the hardest but bravest things a person can do. If this were something me or a friend were going through instead of you, would you tell them they're unforgivable? Would you shame them? You need to extend yourself some kindness. Even if you don't believe it at first. Be kind to yourself until you believe it. Acceptance that the event already happened is the first step. Growth starts from there. I'm here for you if you need anything. ♡

@Northern_Downpour No, I wouldn't. You're right.. I'm really trying to not worry and blame myself for doing something so stupid but I just want to remind myself that I didn't have a choice in what happened to me when I was younger even if I think I did. And I'm just stuck with these awful habits and they've escalated to worse places at times, like this has. I would like to tell someone to see what they think but I'm just so afraid they'll think I'm disgusting for it. Can you get HPV from objects in the environment if they're dirty?

@BigGyro09 I've read that you can get it without having sex and I'm worried that I have it now.

@BigGyro09 I don't know how true that is. I'm just really afraid

@BigGyro09 Old habits die hard, yknow? Anyone with an ounce of empathy would understand that. As for HPV, I'm not a doctor by any means but HPV is spread by physical contact. I think that means you can get it just by touching someone else who's infected with it but I dont think you can get it from objects unless someone else whos infected has used it. I'd say you can tell me, I promise not to be judgemental but also I don't think there's dms on this app lol 😭

@Northern_Downpour No one I live with has HPV at all, so I guess that's out of the question. I hope my old habits will be gone permanently. I wish I could go back in time and just protect my younger self from being exposed to this and at least tell him about the dangers of this. Or help him with some kind of path to just believe in himself and be away from bad things. I don't know. Most things said it isn't possible and the chances are very small. Unfortunately there are no DMs on this app. That's something that I think would absolutely be huge for this app because there's plenty of people that want to talk but need to find a place and exchanging information can be tough for some people, like me. I guess I can just summarize what had happened and what I think it is. There was a point where I used surfaces for pleasure but it quickly backfired.. I was just so deep into sex addiction that I wanted to find a way to go further, but I just regret it so much. Around last August, that's when it happened. I used a very contaminated surfaces for an attempt of pleasure and it felt horrible and I hate that I did that to myself. I hate how I treated myself and continue to treat myself for this. After that, I just kept getting pain on my side, my back, I think headaches, but that's all gone now. Now there just exists the bumps and now this one that came out of nowhere. Honestly, the more I think about it, this addiction has turned what's supposed to be positive and human like into mutilation in my eyes. This addiction has brought out so much bad in me but at the same time I know it's not truly me but some horrible, awful hijacker that keeps urging me to bring out the worst. I hate it so much.

@BigGyro09 I mean this 100% not to downplay the validity of your emotions but to give you an outside perspective; is that all? I think you'd be surprised how many people do much worse than that for pleasure 😭 'worse' in the sense of more extreme? That's not bad at all. I would even argue it's normal? Especially for someone going through a self pleasuring addiction. I'm assuming surfaces means like, tabletops or bathroom counters or something. Yeah. I haven't done it personally but I also don't have a...yknow. lol That being said – I really don't think you can get HPV from that. I think at worst you could get a bacterial infection from that or a UTI or something. But that was back in August and you've been tested since then. And there was nothing, right? I'm not saying reach out to your doctor about this. Because just to be safe, you should. But im feeling like this event is unrelated to what you're going through now?.. thats judt my guess. Anyway. You're very brave for sharing, thank you for trusting me ☺️ I really don't think you have anything to be ashamed of. Just be more careful next time with stuff like that.

@Northern_Downpour You really mean that? It just seems like the worst thing in my head. I've been beating myself up over it non-stop but you and someone else has said that it's kind of normal. I guess it's all just magnified in my head... Like it usually is. It was a counter and a contaminated wall but it was just full on impulse and it was so regrettable. I'm just surprised you and someone else I told on a forum basically said the same thing. Yes, last August I've been to a clinic 3 times and tested for a UTI and I was prescribed antibiotics based on symptoms I had and not because I actually had a UTI I think. The last time I went, I was told I didn't even have a UTI and never had a UTI. I didn't accept it right away but several doctors told me that I didn't have a UTI and that I was fine. I mean, I feel fine and these bumps aren't giving me any pain whatsoever like the pain I had in the past, they just bother me to constantly look at and this big bump bothered me even more. I not only want to be more careful with this, but I just want to try and not do it at all.. I want to try and reset my dopamine and no longer have it desensitize my mind. I just want to be done with anything related to sex. Maybe it is unrelated.. I've just never seen anyone like that happen before. Thanks for talking with me as usual. You always know what to say. I really appreciate it.

@BigGyro09 Of course. Really, that's not a big deal at all. Honestly, people stick their little dude in worse places HAHA 😭☺️ nothing wrong with it. It's just a matter of being safe about it. If they're not hurting you, I think that's a good sigh. I'd still say check with a nurse just to be sure? But otherwise unless it gets worse overtime I'd say just keep an eye on it and make sure it's nothing bad. You may not have seen anything like it happen before but also how often are we looking at other people's private parts n stuff? Yknow? But im happy I can help. I hope it gets better for you 🥺

@Northern_Downpour Yeah, I've heard worse scenarios, and I guess there will always be worse off scenarios. I'm glad I'm not in any pain but my mind keeps jumping to "What if this is syphilis?" Or "what if you have an STD without being sexually active" and the one the always bothers me is dying in my sleep because of this. I guess also true that we aren't looking down there a lot in general. I just don't know what could have caused that. Maybe it was because I squeezed what I thought was a bump, then it became a real bump? I really don't know. I just hope it gets better overtime. I'm still afraid about the bumps that won't go away. They've been around for so many months, and I don't know what would get rid of them. I have a razor bump that's similar in the sense that it hasn't gone away by itself for such a long long time. It's only noticable by touch mainly. You're always helping so much. I just hope I can get through this completely. I hope I can just put this behind me and it all gets better.

@BigGyro09 Hi. I hope you've been doing okay with OCD and other things! I hope things have been well and I just hope that you are at ease with whatever it is that may have been stressing you out. So I know this is random but today was the day I finally got to see a doctor about it and they told me it was normal. I have trouble believing them though, even though I really want to. I've told them everything I could about this and they said it was normal and it won't go away but doesn't need treatment. I'm really anxious about it, mainly because I wanted to do it on my own without telling anyone in my family about it because I'm just really embarrassed about it. I also just want to be able to do things on my own as well I'm a sense.

@BigGyro09 Hi !! Omg!! It's good to hear from you, I hope you're well too ?! I'm so glad you finally got to speak to a doctor about this !! I know it can be hard to just take it at face value (especially with OCD) but hopefully you can work on that. That being said I don't really think you have to tell your family if it's too personal..? I mean you're an adult so your business is your business 🤷🏾 and it's not anything serious. I think you should do whatever makes you most comfortable, yknow? Anyway really nice to hear from you :'D

@Northern_Downpour Yeah it's a little tough, but I'm going to try and keep what they said in mind and just accept it as that. I have doubts of such because I have other symptoms in my body outside of that but I'm still going to try and accept the medical opinion. Thank you. It's really nice to hear from you too! I hope things have been good and that the holidays have been good for you too! :)

@BigGyro09 Same for you! :D the holidays def can be hard with ocd and being anxious all the time but I'm trying to be in the spirit you know ?

@Northern_Downpour Absolutely! I've been anxious throughout the day but what has been helping me at the very least if just the positives of each day. I'm willing to bet there's a lot of positives for you, but it can just be hard to see them because of OCD. I hope that can help you out!