What if ur exposure is a sin ?!

TW pocd This is really hard to explain but I’ll try. Struggle with POCD. I find the thoughts absolutely revolting but I think? A compulsion of mine is replaying the thought to check as the unwanted thought makes me feel like I “enjoy” the thought? It’s sickening. Anyway, the thought came, then another thought / temptation? Came to rethink the thought and “check” it. I resisted but then got this sickening feeling like my mind was telling me “awwww you’re disappointed you couldn’t enjoy the thought and at the same time find it repulsive” and know I feel like I’m just in denial that I secretly like the thought. My biggest fear is that I’m secretly attracted. Can anyone shed this light? Is this still OCD or temptation / unrepentant sin? ( I’m Christian. ) Thanks guys, struggling so much.

Okay so, I know ocd has prevented me from basically doing anything I used to do… but I also have had a lot of eye opening moments to what I see is or isn’t okay. Me and my partner have had issues with porn and shit in past, which has contributed to me not feeling ok about certain scenes in movies, like even if before ocd I used to watch whatever scene/movie with my bf, and we used to not care, porn is a big reason as to why I have chosen for us to not watch Sex/sexual scenes, strip club scenes, nudity, etc… I made it a rule when I had ocd , but just because I made that a rule doesn’t mean that it’s the only reason why. I shouldn’t have to be “ok” with certain scenes in movies, not everyone in life can watch that stuff without having their soul affected. I’m also religious and feel that certain things are wrong, so there’s a few reasons as to why we don’t do that now, but ocd is trying to tell me it’s a compulsion and that I’ll never get over ocd because of it. Like I think people are aloud to have change of opinions , yes when I made that rule part of it was because I was worried about triggers but there’s also that because of past issues I don’t want either me or my bf engaging in those types of scenes, no I’m not being immature (my own Nan skips past anything like that) we are religious and see certain things differently than others. On top of that because I used to watch like cardi b music vids and shit where she is just being a slut the whole way through in EVERY music video, I used to love her music and songs and shit, I still listen to her occasionally but just because I used to watch stuff like that doesn’t mean I should have to just to “get over ocd” yes part of it is about preventing being triggered, but also is a respect thing to myself, my partner, and Jesus and my relationship. I know lots of people wouldn’t give a shut about that stuff, but I do! It affects my soul. We are all brainwashed into thinking that people making videos like that is right, I’m sorry it’s not. I get that there may be some music videos I watch that may have certain things that pop up, but I can CHOOSE to look away like my partner does if there’s like twerking or something in it, but when I just KNOW the whole music video is going to be something that affects my soul or I feel Is disrespectful to my partner, myself and our relationship, (I wouldn’t like him watching a music video like that) I shouldn’t have to do that as an exposure right???? Exposures should be things that are normal like going to the shops, or public places for example. just because before in the past I didn’t see an issue with stuff like that doesn’t mean my opinion can’t change on that stuff??? As I said why would I do something I wouldn’t like him doing? It’s hard for me to sometimes know wrong from right because ocd fucks with my head, but sometimes I rely on other peoples insight like my mum or partner because I can’t think for myself at times… anyway all I’m saying is just because I used to fo that stuff before I REALISED how it affected my soul and stuff, I shouldn’t have to just be “ok” with it just because I used to, I just don’t want to think this is a compulsion and that I won’t ever get ocd with this mindset because that’s what OCD is telling me…. I don’t want to play it’s games anymore, but I also shouldn’t have to “expose” myself to sexual/slutty content/material just to “get over ocd” I’ll repeat again I have been a lot closer to god through this and feel certain things are just wrong like those scenes or certain music videos. Any Christian’s maybe similar to me, can give me some perspective?

how do u deal with guilt caused by intrusive thoughts during sexual activities?