Ughhhh I have a new theme today that I’m a psychopath and I can’t shake it. I’ve taken some quizzes and I have a low chance. But I just fear I’m actually a terrible person and can’t heal from my past mistakes. Can anyone relate?
I've had this too in the past
I also feel like it’s OCD too becuase I’m trying to “control” the traits i do notice in myself. Like looking up therapy options and ways to heal myself out of those tendencies. Which seems OCD to me
I’ve been feeling like this too lately, only mine is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I’ve been in a long term relationship now and I’m starting to see bits of myself that are less than desirable. I can be a tad controlling and feel stressed when things don’t go as planned. (Probably my OCD actually lol) my partner and I have bickered about it from time to time. Instead of being rational that hey everyone has flaws, my partner has flaws lol my brain goes to “you must be a narcissist because you get annoyed your bf didn’t wake up on time for the date!!!” I know we aren’t supposed to reassure each other but ai highly doubt you’re a psychopath. I don’t know any psychopath who would care as much as you do in your original post. Also now that your OCD is focused on this topic it will heighten your senses and make you notice “traits” about yourself that could indicate otherwise. You’re a good person who sometimes has negative traits just like every other human on this planet. Don’t let OCD win
@Hope309 Awww thank u so much. This is so kind. I also relate to the NPD theme. It kind of helps to thing all of these diagnoses are a spectrum and even “normal” people can have NPD traits. We’re all human. So without reassuring I hope that helps you as well and it’s just OCD latching on!
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I knew someone when I was younger who I think became like that guy you dated. He used to be nice and look out for everyone. Life twisted him
@Tekma I totally get that! I also can attract people with narcissistic qualities. And also my mom was borderline psychopathic in some of her actions so I always think damn I mean I’m half of that. But we are really different
@Tekma True.
A little sad and down. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I grew up with trauma, made mistakes, dealt and still deal with hyper sexuality, and my ocd is so bad. All of this makes me feel tainted, like a weird bad person. I hate being around people and even talking to therapist bc I feel like ive successfully fooled them. Also, I recently saw a POCD hate train on TikTok so now I just feel like a fraud. I get all these thoughts and feelings that im just using ocd as a mask because I actually am a bad person.. and that im some sicko or something, and also my brain tells me and I go back and forth with myself about “oh you just have morals because you don’t want to be shunned from society, and if you were to have no rules you would do disturbing things” and I know I wouldn’t, because I have morals now that are ingraved into me…I just want a normal life. I just want to feel normal. I tend to feel useless in this world, when I really want to do good things but I feel tainted and like I taint this world. I try not to let this consume me but it’s hard.. If you read this thank you. I know I am just in a funk right now but sometimes I wonder if it will be a forever funk… or that I need to “accept” im a bad person so that I can move on… which I won’t bc even if I am (maybe maybe not… I will never know with ocd) I wouldn’t want to be.
recently ive been worrying that im ''secretly'' a narcissist and that im accidentally hurting all of my friends. it really doesnt help that i do relate a bit to some narcisstic traits like having an unstable ego/''needing'' validation, although i suspect it comes from a different source for me (like OCD, maybe?). it also hurts because ive been trying to understand more stigmatized disorders like NPD more and learning more about them so that i don't add to the demonization, but i feel like doing so has also instilled the fear into me that im accidentally harming people i care about or that im not actually a ''good person'' like how i like to think of myself
I look back at various past events in my life where I said or did things that I feel really guilty, disgusted, and ashamed about. I replay them in my head for hours. I feel anxious about crossing paths with people that I've hurt or upset in the past or who perceive me badly, to the point that I will avoid going out in public as much as possible. I go out for work, errands, appointments, and occasionally to eat (even though those all give me a lot of anxiety), but I avoid community events where people might recognize me and I tend to isolate myself. The only people I see regularly are my boyfriend, my parents, and my coworkers. I live in a small community and I'm worried about people confronting me publicly and proving what a bad person I must be.
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