PLEASE SOMEONE HELP. IM GOING TO START SELF ERP THROUGH A SELF HELP BOOK AND I CAMT STOP SEEING MYSELF DOING THE ERP AND THEN “realizing i’ve been bi the whole time”. AND IT SEEMS SO REAL. IT SEEMS LIKE ITS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN. BUT THATS NOT WHAT I WANT. BUT WHATS FREAKING ME OUT MOST IS THAT THIS ISNT FREAKING ME OUT LIKE IT WOULD BEFORE. ITS MAKING ME THING THAT THIS THOUGHT ISNT CAUSING DISTRESS WHICH MAKES IT NOT HOCD. THE THOUGHT ISNT CAUSING DISTRESS TBH BUT I DONT LIKE IT. I DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN. AT ALL. IM SCARED ABOUT THAT HAPPENING

yes and that’s the thing, none of this logically makes sense bc i don’t look at girls and think “i want to be with her” or anything like that. if anything, i think “oh she’s pretty. i wish i had a body like her” it’s almost always something i wish i had of hers. or sometimes it’s just “oh she’s pretty”. and i know there is a difference between noticing when someone is attractive, and being attracted to someone, but if i notice they are attractive, my ocd tells me i’m attracted to her. it’s awful.

ok so ive learned through this process that doing the things that scare you the most will be the most helpful is helping you recover and to be happy again. erp is meant to make you anxious so you keep doing it until you no longer feel anxious anymore bc you’ve become accustomed to the exposure and no longer see it as a threat. basically maybe start with a small erp exercise then build it up once you feel more comfortable (my therapist calls this creating an ocd hierarchy)

woah, lol reading that “accepting the thought doesn’t make it true or untrue” kinda scared me there for a bit bc it’s not what i wanted to hear. but it’s because what i wanted was reassurance and that’s NOT what i need or should be getting. so thank you for keeping it real. and yes, the anxiety hit me when i thought that thought but you’re not supposed to just push it out so i let it be there and i let the anxiety run through me and now when i think that thought, i’m kinda just like “eh whatever” but then there’s that fear of why your thoughts aren’t causing you anxiety and fear, and that’s my problem because everywhere online when i used to seem reassurance that way, said that hocd is when the thoughts cause you extreme distress and anxiety. so when they don’t, i feel like it’s me being gay. but, i have to realize this is me on the road to recovery

@helloworld287, thank you. i have now let the feelings of anxiety hit me, and they hit me HARD, and i did not perform any compulsions, and i feel better. it doesn’t feel as real. but i am still kind of fearful of that happening

you and me both. it’s awful but it also should be comforting to know that they don’t mean anything. if they were truly inner desires it wouldn’t be anxiety provoking and if it was it would be for different reasons

i also really recommend you see a therapist, especially one that is familiar with OCD bc they can put you on a path to recovery. this app is helpful to an extent but i have been guilty of abusing the forum which just hindered my progress so much more. i know it may not be affordable but if you have insurance call them and they can provide you a list of therapists that they can cover completely or subsidize the price of therapy sessions. if not it may not be a bad investment because your mental health is SO important. also just speaking from my own experience with HOCD is that i wish i would have gotten help sooner. if you are experiencing these symptoms now go seek help ASAP so you don’t allow it to get worse like i did.

yes true. like i got anxiety that in the intrusive thought i saw myself “accepting that i’m bi” and that freaked me out more than anything. i even thought about “coming out” if all this were to happen and that didn’t freak me out as much as the actually being bi and me accepting it bc it made it seem true.

accepting the thought doesn’t make it true, doesn’t make it untrue. just next time it happens be like “who cares” or “cool” eventually you’ll teach your brain that these thoughts are pointless

thank you. i just ordered a book on self help that has been recommended by so many people who have had hocd and intrusive thoughts and said it helped, and it was written by jon hershfield, which idk if you know but he has studied hocd, and i’m going to start with that. i really hope it works because i think that if it doesn’t help at all for some reason, i’m going to think “well then this all must be true and i am bi” and that is going to scare the shit out of me.

no i get it bc that happened to me too. and here i am two months into treatment and i still don’t want to be with a woman. like the things that used to scare me don’t anymore and my head has taken on other compulsions / scenario to keep fueling it. so it’s really just viewing it as “this is one fear that i have and i can conquer it”

i’m in your same boat! they are definitely less anxiety inducing which not gonna lie scares me but i’ve had this theme before too about 2 years ago and it went away so i know it can happen again

yes. so now that the fears don’t bother me as much, the ocd and anxiety has latched into the fact that they don’t provoke as much anxiety or distress anymore so that must mean they’re true inner desires. geez i feel like i can never win with this awful bs

it really is. but it’s like you’re on the path now just stay focused with your goal bc you will achieve it. i also found that talking to my mom about anything or hanging out with my family and baby cousins helps a lot bc it takes my mind off of it. or even this coloring app i’ll do when i’m really anxious just to make sure i stay with the thought but also keep myself occupied.

that gives me so much hope to know that you’re in the same boat but you have gotten over it before! i do not want to freak you or anyone else out by saying this, but also the “backdoor spikes” and all that stuff or like in your case, having it come back, scared me because it makes me think that it will never truly go away which then makes me thing they must be true. see, this just makes it to where i can never win

i talk on here instead of my mom, because (i am young and i know i should not be using this app at a young age bc it’s 17+, but this was one of my last resorts and it has helped!) so my mom thinks it’s normal to question your sexuality at this age, bc she doesn’t understand the extent of this for me and i’ve tried explaining but she thinks i’m just “making it an ocd thing”

its also funny bc this all went away the first time bc i literally faced my fear head on. i went out up at school in a huge bar and i looked around and was like “wtf am i afraid of i don’t want to be with any of these women/ find them sexually attractive” then life was literally so great up until like three months ago. it’s also just in the nature of ocd to make you doubt literally everything. so these backdoor spikes are super common

but yes, i do have a niece and nephew and another on the way, and hanging out with them helps, but it’s in a way that’s not helpful in the long run bc it just keeps my mind off of it for a little while.

oh dang about your mom. i’m sorry but i’m glad you’re finding other ways. can i ask how old you are?

i am very fearful of stating my age tbh because i fear that then everyone on here will think this isn’t ocd i have. but i have been diagnosed with ocd and since i was 4 there was always something i was obsessing over, and even my parents know i have ocd and an obsessive personality.