now i feel like all the self help and therapy and erp is gonna do is make “accept that i’m bi” i don’t deep down truly feel like i’m bi but i feel like i just haven’t realized it yet. wtf. why wasn’t this happening before. before i was hopeful and i felt like the self help and self erp and the book would help me realize how silly these thoughts are. this is making me wonder if this is even hocd anymore and no one is responding and i’m freaking out

HOCD is really complicated. It feels like you forcing yourself to have these feelings, even though deep down you know the truth. It’s like a constant battle, and your only fighting yourself. As you are seeking for help, things can only get better! Don’t doubt yourself. Even I think of random thoughts in my head and I start to doubt myself. The more I think of these thoughts, the more anxious I get, and the more attention I’m giving this thought. Meaning I’m letting this thought overpower my Mind. It then starts to feel as if these thoughts are real. I constantly have this thought on my mind and I’m arguing with myself. What helps me is giving the thought no attention and no care at all. As hard as it sounds, you will see that your anxiety will start to fade away. Just believe in yourself, don’t let these thoughts win you over. You are definitely not bi. If you were, you wouldn’t be seeking for help and you wouldn’t be so anxious. This thought makes you worried and you don’t enjoy this feeling at all. Let this be your evidence. God bless! And things will get better for you! I know exactly how you feel. Don’t feel alone and don’t stress.

thank you so much! i just started on this app earlier today and it has already helped tremendously! i can finally understand what people say when they say i need to accept the thoughts and let the anxiety hit me and let it fade away and for the first time, i’ve been able to do that today! and it has helped and this stuff definitely still bothers me but not as much. now what’s bothering me is the fact that these thoughts don’t bother me as much ?‍♀️. but, i know that this is the road to recovery!

Aww yeah I know exactly how you feel! That’s how I felt as well. And it’s extremely confusing. But deep down you know that you are not!! And always go by your instinct and what you have always believed . For me, I get so used to being worried all the time. That when there is nothing to worry about I feel like I have to pick on something else to worry about. It’s like my mind has to feed off being anxious all the time. When this usually happens, I let myself have a break and realise that when I’m doing is not making me any better. Just try not to stress and trust me you will be fine. Always remember that time is the best doctor.

i’m the same way! i’m a worry wart and there’s always something i’m worrying about. and when i get bored i sit there and overthink and that’s when my hocd gets worse. i am feeling much better today after getting this app, and i hope i stay this way and continue to get better bc even being a little better like this, feels so great compared to being so disturbed and stressed and anxious to where you don’t wanna eat or move or talk or do anything, like i used to be.

since just the tips people on here have given me have helped, i really think the book i ordered is going to help! and i hope it does. there’s still that doubt and worry and fear in my mind because that’s what ocd does to you, but i’m much more hopeful than before!

That’s really good to hear!! You are more positive! I know exactly how you feel and it’s a very confusing and annoying feeling! Even for me there is sometimes that doubt but then I don’t let it bother me and it goes away. Same here! Ever since I was young I was always worried, about the most ridiculous things as well. And ever since I have gotten older the problems get bigger. I usually have the same thoughts as you but I have recovered several times from them.then they have come back at times . And what makes them come back is when my mind gives them importance and the attention. And it’s so frustrating!!! Never in the world would I imagine having these thoughts!

exactly! wow it’s crazy how similar we are because i thought my case was soo different than everyone else’s and no one else had any of the same symptoms but going on here made me realize i’m not alone! this has also helped bc it helped me realize this is real and more people suffer from it than i think!

Yeah!! You are never alone! Even today was my first day joining this app to Help me out a bit! When I first got this problem I literally thought I was the only one in the world with this, and that I wasn’t Normal. But it’s an actually problem that only effects 2% of the population! I read that haha. So unfortunately for us we have to deal with these thoughts! I’m not sure if your religious or not. And it’s totally your choice. But for me I have started to pray more often. And it’s had helped me and I feel like I have more strength to get rid of this pain. No one will understand how I feel, unless they have this problem. But when I pray it gives me faith that god is listening and he will help me through this.

i just joined today as well! and i’m not super religious, but i do pray, not as often as i should tbh, but i do! i do want to pray but somehow i feel as if i am going to pray for the wrong things when it comes to praying about my hocd ?? idk it’s a fear and worry bc that’s what i do ?‍♀️

That’s okay! It’s totally up to you! You never pray for the wrong things. God understands how you are feeling. I believe he will give to the strength to fight this. Because he knows you deep down as well! But yeah that’s ok, I totally understand what you mean.

How long have you been dealing with HOCD?

it started about 5 months ago but wasn’t bad. i think it started when i was watching tv and something popped up, i’m not sure but at first it was just a what if i’m gay thought and then i thought no i’m not but then i kept thinking about it bc i was like omg why did i have that thought, a straight person wouldn’t of had that thought, so then i started searching up how do you know if you’re gay, bc i didn’t know hocd was a thing, and it got so bad to where i was like omfg i am, then i was like but no it doesn’t really make sense, so i searched more and looked up how do you know if you’re gay in denial and an article popped up about hocd and i read it and related to every single thing there. but i still didn’t feel at ease and i thought i should so i kept reading it over and over and doing more “research” but really it was reassurance searching and i kept looking allll over online for reassurance and people to relate to and i searched my symptoms, then it spiraled into me looking into my past for evidence and doing all the testing and all that

Yeah I totally understand you! I’m very similar as well! I never thought twice about this topic and I actually found it quite disturbing. I was like how could a girl even like a girl wtf. Then once I was in class at school and I was just bored and my mind was all over the place just day dreaming. Then idk how, but that topic came in my head. I was like wtff am I serious, this can’t be real. It’s like I knew it was so silly because I’m not gay or anything. It’s just that my mind was forcing me to. Even though I hated the thought it. Anyways this thought then went away and I sometimes get it back when I give it attention. The only way to fight it is to stop reassuring myself and checking. I also didn’t know about HOCD, and that’s what made me think I was actually not normal for having these thoughts. I hate them and would do anything to get rid of them. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me, and forcing me to be someone I don’t like or ever intended on being. I never ever thought I would get this problem. There is ways to get rid of it though!! Which is good!! It’s kind of like his book we were reading at school. All the characters were made to believe that 2+2 =5. When really it is 4. The government was persuading them to believe this and the people were certain this was the answer. Even though it sounds so bizarre that someone can be made to believe something that isn’t true. I guess that kinda relates to us. Become our brains are manipulating us to believe things that are wrong!

yes exactly! but since finding this app and finding tips on what to do, it’s tremendously helped and i’m starting to recover (i hope). i’m starting to feel less anxious about it because i did what everyone told me to which was to accept these thoughts and let the anxiety hit you and don’t do compulsions. it was so hard to do but once i did it becomes easier and easier! i’m kind of starting to realize how irrational these thoughts were and they don’t seem as real now! and that’s just from the tips on here so i really hope the book i am getting helps even more and i fully recover! it didn’t seem possible before to recover and i thought i would forever feel like this and it was torture! but now i truly think recover is possible even though the ocd tells me no, it doesn’t bother me as much bc i think there really is recovery in my near future. and maybe i’m just too hopeful, but i hope not lol. everything i’m feeling rn seems to me to be the same as it did to other people when they were on the road to recovery, so i’m in a way excited for my book to come in and me to read it. and i hate reading but i’m so excited!

Yay!! That’s really good!! You will definitely recover! See you are already feeling better today, so tomorrow and the next your anxiety of these thoughts will go away! The less you think of the idea the less realistic your thoughts will be! Until they fade away. The more you think, the more real they become.

Another way is when you get this thought, to see it as a compulsion, Instead is telling yourself you are bi or gay. Try and get rid of the compulsion by acknowledging it and forget about it. If I make sense haha

exactly! and since they don’t bother as much rn, i’m able to have them but kinda let them go. like they’re still there rn but it’s not bothering me so i get distracted from it easier. i feel as if it’s going to get easier from here! i think yes there will be some hard days, but i believe my toughest days are behind me now. they are in my past! i hope at least! and i’m going to start praying about it as you suggested. that, combined with the book i ordered, and the tips i get from here and being able to vent on here and have people who know what i’m talking about listen and respond, i think is going to tremendously help!

Good good!! Exactly! Just try and leave the past behind, and believe in yourself, that all of this will get better. Trust me, when you are out of the compulsion, you will think back to how you thought. And you will be like how did I think like that. That’s what I did haha. You never know when you will get triggered, but we have to learn to control them.

yes and i think that the book will really help with how to keep it under control when i get backdoor spikes and when you randomly get triggered again. i really hope this works because i have so much hope and faith in it that i think if it doesn’t, i’m not gonna know what to do and i’m gonna fall apart. and that’s the scary part but no one seemed to be disappointed with the book i ordered and there was about 300 reviews so ?‍♀️

Yeah I agree! For me, I just have to believe that I have to change myself. Because I can change the way I think, but it’s just so hard . Even when you tell yourself 100 times!

The first step that helped me was to just say no to myself when I got a thought. And to not analyse it and reassure myself.

i hope you’re still on here when i get triggered and i need advice bc you’ve really helped!

That’s the best thing

Even I stopped looking up HOCD on the internet. I just stopped everything.

yea i get what you mean but i think i tried that and idk if it’s bc i still have i to compulsions, or that just didn’t work for me, but i don’t think it did. i’m going to stick to what i’ve done today that’s helped so much until it doesn’t work anymore, even tho i don’t think that will happen because what i’ve been doing is what has been recommended by psychologists and people who have studied hocd! but i’m glad you’ve found what works for you!

Aww that’s okay!i guess everybody is different! But yeah it’s good you feel much better! Keep it up!

at this point right now, what’s bothering me most is the loss of attraction to guys. it’s like i question when i am attracted if i’m faking it or not :(. but it’s not too bad right now tbh but still a bit worrisome. but i know this is very very common amongst hocd sufferers, i’m just wondering when the heck i’m gonna get it back bc what’s worrying me is what if i don’t get it back