I feel like I’ve molested my son

When he was a newborn I gave my baby an open mouth kiss (jaw opening) on his head. I’ve never seen anybody else kiss their kids like that. He’s almost a year old and I can’t get past it. I do it on camera on my hand in mirrors and on used to do it on my son’s head and cheek as a checking compulsion. One time I was checking on his cheek and he turned his head so it landed on his lips. I feel disgusted. I feel like that’s something that only happens between romantic partners. Also when he was 3-4 months old I was lightly stroking his back, the side of his leg, and then the inner thigh. I felt an intense amount of anxiety the entire time. I feel like I SA’d him with the inner thigh part. I’d compulsively check to see how far the crease of his diaper was from his private out of fear. I just want to be a good mother but I feel like a monster.

Username: Starve_The Monster2099Starve_The M...

Date posted: 38w ago

I think that it's just ocd you sound like a amazing mother remember ocd will go to every single detail to prove that the ocd thoughts are true when in reality there not these thoughts are putting false accusations towards you

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@Starve_The Monster2099 Thank you 🥺

Username: MerriMerri

Date posted: 38w ago

Hi, ocd sufferer too, and since I became a mother my thoughts are mostly about my son (he’s now 2years old). I even had the same thought as you have now. Just want to let u know that you are not alone. OCD latches on the things we value the most that’s why it’s focusing on your son. I know it’s hard but try not to focus on the small details but just continue taking care of him and yourself too. Self compassion can also help

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@Merri I’m sorry that you’re going through the same thing. Thank you for the advice!!

Username: CrawfishCrawfish

Date posted: 38w ago

Hey!! I'm a dad of two and honestly dealt with the same thing with my two daughters. Gotta do ERP. That's honestly the only way out of this! You got this! One exposure that was so difficult but helped a ton was washing my children and then holding them! You go mom!! Take it from me when I say you don't want to miss out on these precious moments because we are dealing with ocd. Tell ocd to take a hike!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

@Crawfish Im so sorry you’ve gone through the same thing. I feel so sad that I haven’t been able to fully enjoy these past 11 months and even my pregnancy because of ocd. Time is going by so fast 😭 thank you for commenting. It helps to know that I’m not alone.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 38w ago

I feel like I’ve acted on my intrusive thoughts 😭 what do ya’ll think?

Username: b2192

Date posted: 4y ago

I was putting my boy to bed last night like I usually do. And i had an intrusive thought that felt like an urge to touch his bum but more between his bums and private bits So I put my hand on his bum like I would anyway if I was comforting him, but then i started to move my hand over his bum to check for arousal or anything I stopped myself as i felt bad, but then I questioned how I'd touched him so I put my hand back on to check how I'd touched him. Then I stopped but checked again to see for arousal. This has happened befor but I touched his leg I know I have no intention of touching him sexually it kills me But is it wrong that I did this or is this a common thing that happens with pocd?

Username: allygoode

Date posted: 2y ago

Paedophilia Ocd

I have the most lovely 3 month old daughter....and I have chronic OCD over harm/paedophile OCD and it just consumes me. Last night , I was rubbing her chest to help her sleep and my hand rubbed over a wee button under her sleep suit. As she's a girl and I was rubbin her chest my head thought , " that's like a mound as if a breast"..... I can't remember what I thought or did after this but I may have thought " that's nice" and kept rubbing. Not long after I remember the thoughts being too much and lifting my hand away. I'm absolutely mortified at the thought I didn't lift my hand away the second my head associated that wee mound with a breast and feel like the worst dad ever now. I'm so upset over this . The amount of effort I put into not doing anything inappropriate then I let this happen. Hoping for some support! Thanks

Username: Anonymous2414

Date posted: 49w ago

Struggling. Mom with pocd answer please

I'm struggling. So a while back my son was sitting on my lap. He was sitting against my chest. But then I kept getting these groinal things. And I don't remember if I stayed there for a second and that trips me up bad. But what also makes me anxious is it got so intense that I moved him quick. Almost like I was worried I was having an "o" from the sensations of my chest and sitting on my lap. Then what makes me question the "o" thing is when I moved him away I got these weird like pulse feelings that I don't usually get with just a groinal and it happened at least 4-7 times or so. Like back to back. I hate this. I need to know it wasn't. And I also need to know I didn't keep him there for a second. Has any other mom felt like you kept them there for a second because of the feeling? And did you ever worry or question an "o" just from them sitting on your lap, etc. I'm so close to beating this monster 3/4 of the way. But this feels too real to let go of.

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I feel like I’ve molested my son

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