Breaking up

At the risk of asking for reassurance, how did you guys deal with your ROCD after a breakup? Did you leave your partner or did your partner leave you? My OCD greatly affected my first relationship but I have come to terms with accepting that it didnt work out simply because we both decided we wanted to explore new things as we were very young and our goals did not align. Right now however I am in a much rougher spot because the person I was with does not want anything to do with me anymore and its been one of the most painful things Ive ever experienced simply because of how abrupt the discard was. Without the reassurance of having them by my side, everyday I question more and more what my actual feelings were for them. If I really felt limerence or just comfort, if I was attracted enough, if it ever felt "right," etc. My daily mood fluctuates from emotional numbness, jealous rage, and what I think is genuine melancholy only to then get a fight or flight response when I start to think that I was kind of forcing my feelings being with them. I miss so many things about them, I miss their body, I miss falling asleep together, I miss the comfort they brought me, I miss the chemistry that I felt couldnt be replicated with anyone else I know irl. Yet at the same time my brain just feels a massive void when I think of them now as if they never even existed or the dopamine rushes werent enough to make me really *feel* something for them. This automatically makes my OCD go and say “well, maybe you werent *that* attracted to them and thats why you had some doubts from the start.” I had similar thoughts when I was with them, but I also felt genuine excitement by seeing each other that I really just ignored my OCD and it did not impede much in how I perceived them or stop me from enjoying myself. The recurring “grass is greener” thoughts were definitely prevalent when I was with them but not even close to as bad as they are now that were broken up. They were especially inconsiderate of me and my emotional needs during the last times we spoke and that just made me feel like I had all the more reason to just accept my OCD and realize this person was never someone I truly liked. Its just so frustrating because even after all thats happened I cannot cope with possibly accepting that this was all a lie. I know that I felt great when I was with them even if the dynamic of the relationship itself was very imperfect. It just pains me that I probably will never see this person again and I will now have to deal with these thoughts and getting help on my own without them. This experience has warped my perception of relationships, of my own attraction, and what I even really want from a partner. So I’m genuinely asking, how did you guys deal with ROCD after a break up knowing that your ex partner will probably never talk to you again? I dont need reassurance, just want advice and examples of how to deal with this emotional turmoil. Any help would be appreciated in the meantime.

Relationship OCD

TiffyTiff_xo

Date posted: 1y

I’m sorry about what you’re going through. This too shall pass. It’s okay and normal to feel those thoughts. I was kind of in the same situation in the past and what helped me was keeping my mind occupied on other things as much as possible. Such as doing hobbies I enjoyed the most and finding new hobbies or volunteering somewhere. Doing all that as much as possible really helped me.

Tryingmybest12

Date posted: 23w

My ROCD Has Made my Personal Life Such a Mess

Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks

Elizabeth010101

Date posted: 21w

How do I get past the sadness and regret?

(22F) Broke up with my ex. Didn’t know what ROCD was at the time. He has moved on with someone new. The depression and regret has gotten really bad as of lately, and I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I kind of want to be single forever, though my heart yearns for connection. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and parent with someone I love one day. It’s not worth it if my mind is this way. I’m working with a NOCD therapist soon. If someone has a story similar I would love to hear, I’m really struggling. Thank you so much.

Relationship OCD

Gmoki

Date posted: 16w

Dealing with breakup pls help

Hi - I’ve made a series of posts about my situation over the past few weeks. My bf asked to take a break from our relationship through text the first week of April. We haven’t spoken since. There’s a lot of outward details to this but I’ll try to keep it as simple as possible. My ocd is telling me the worst of the worst. He left me with full uncertainty because he didn’t give me a reason, and his decision felt like it happened overnight and I’m still so confused. He’s never been in a relationship as serious as this before. I’m incredibly hurt and angry, and my emotions get worse on Saturday and Friday nights because that’s when his frat parties happen. I do ERP phrases but my stomach hurts and it’s churning so bad. I deactivated/deleted social media apps for now because it’s too much. I just wish this physical feeling would stop. Does anyone have tips?

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Breaking up

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