Rocd

I can’t stop being bothered by my boyfriend masturbating. I think it’s because he has a low sex drive and we don’t have sex as often as I’d like, yet he is able to masturbate regularly without issue. Often we will have sex and he doesn’t finish, which I understand and try not to let bother me but with him having such ease with masturbating and watching porn I sometimes wonder if I can’t satisfy him enough. He says that’s not the case and that it’s completely his deal with low sex drive and whatnot. I feel like I’m crazy for being bothered by him masturbating but I can’t help it. It triggers my anxiety and sometimes feels like a slap in the face (he one time left me to go masturbate while I was asleep for an hour and I didn’t find out until I woke up). In that case it felt like he could’ve woken me up or waited for me to wake up if he was in the mood. It just feels like a waste when he rarely gets horny and he was, and I was right there, yet he chose not to initiate sex with me. The other night we were on the phone and we usually talk until we both go to sleep, but he instead told me he was just going to let me go to sleep and he’d talk to me in the morning, not that he too was going to sleep. I know this was because he was going to masturbate and then sleep, but he didn’t want to tell me. Again this made me anxious and led me to go over and over the obsession. In that case we weren’t together, but we used to send each other sexual messages and perhaps photos and that never happens now, so it feels like there’s a disconnect with us sexually and I’m not sure how to feel about it or what exactly is going on if anything is wrong. I’m sure most of this is all normal but as you know, it’s so hard to tell yourself to ignore it. And to top it off I think I’m feeling a bit of cognitive dissonance due to the fact that yes I am human and I too masturbate, so feeling bad about his masturbation really bothers me since I do it too. Maybe it’s the fact that I do it without telling him, because him telling me or alluding to it makes me feel devalued. I’m not sure, but I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts. Thanks!

So I've always had an issue about my partners watching porn. I've always felt super uncomfortable with it and just now realized that maybe it has to do with rocd... but then I fight myself on it because I feel like maybe it's just something that I strongly believe in. My current boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for not letting him watch porn. I then caught him watching porn once after he said he wouldn't and I freaked out. I felt really insecure. He said that he would stop doing it but I obsess over it and I check his phone when he's not looking. I also obsess over if he is talking to other girls. And then when I don't find anything, i tell myself that he has just gotten better at hiding stuff.

Is it normal ? My boyfriend has rocd he used to not be able to look at girls but now he’s having a wank over my sister ?? Told him to stop it and he’s done it again after everything he’s put me through with this rocd which I know isn’t his fault but 3 years of hell and I have been expressing my mental health is bad last couple days and he goes and does that when I told him to not ever do it again am I in the wrong for being mad he keeps saying most boys would do it and he felt an urge to