Anyone else have scrupulosity? Has anyone seen success? I have been struggling for over a year now and although it’s not as bad as before with certain thoughts, new thoughts keep coming in. They all tell me that I need to do more to earn God’s love. Drives me to the point that I question if I should even continue to pursue God.

I have been dealing with scrupulosity since I was around 12 it usually revolved around my family but has spread to my everyday life. I like to write, to draw and to think up stories to write down. For the past six or seven months I have been obsessed on and off worrying that God doesn't want me making up stories or even imagining things including my future. I keep having these thoughts that say "You don't love God more than this." Then I have a feeling that makes we worry that I don't. So the thoughts go back and forth "do you love this more than God?" I say "of course not." Then I get a feeling that makes me feel like God wants me to stop thinking and just try really hard not to actively think so I find myself praying reptively be to figure out if thats what God wants. When I ignore it, I feel like I am disobeying God. I feel like I will end up loving writing more than God if I don't listen. The ocd keep asking me if I would stop imagining stories and writing and drawing forever if God wanted me to and I tell it "yes," I have stopped for several months before this but I don't want to if I don't have to. This is a horrible obsession and when I fall into it and realize what it is, I feel like I cannot carry on drawing or whatever because I messed up too badly and God will be angry at me if I do. I keep worrying that I secretly don't care what God wants I regards to my hobby and I would just keep on doing it anyway, of I really cared I would stop as soon as the ocd made me feel like it was Him, but deep down I know that isn't true. Why is this so hard?

Hi guys, I just wanted to see if other people have ever gone through what I’m going through (most likely yes). Last year I had trauma from my church. I had my beliefs in check before the accident I was forming my own opinions and interpretations and values with my religion (Christianity) and then the incident happened. Ever since I have been deconstructing severely. I’m constantly having mental breakdowns over is Jesus really love, what does it even mean to be kind like Him when he sends people to h*ll over their sexuality or different religion, is he punishing me because I’m not following his will correctly or wanting to believe the Bible fully, is my wonderful loving and amazing husband spiritually right for me, every time I interact with my LGBTQ+ friends why does my mind say they are wrong, is my internal dialogue the voice of the Holy Spirit, uncertainty doesn’t apply to me, is the dev*l making me think these things etc. I would love to hear if anyone has had a similar experience. And note please do not tell me to pray about it and so on.

I’m a Christian, but my OCD makes it feel like I’m always disappointing God. I deal with scrupulosity. I remember signing the cross compulsively throughout the night to where I was in physical pain. But the doctrines of, “God died on the cross for you. Stop being in ungrateful.” I was doing this because I had a bracelet with a cross on it, and when I moved my arm in a certain direction it would be an upside down cross. The filthy feeling I felt was so bad, that i felt like it was going being a demon into the room if I didn’t pray. I spent that whole night signing the cross in tears. Then the next morning I got up like nothing happened. I still deal with forms of this. Like feeling God is going to punish me if I sin. So if a bad thing happens in the day, I blame myself. For example, if I listened to a sing with a curse word in it, I would blame myself for things going wrong later in the day. I still do. Not to mention the things I restrict myself from to please Him. Even though I know He is already pleased with me. There is nothing like the depression and dissatisfaction of feeling like a you did something wrong while everyone else can do that same thing freely. I can’t tell the difference between my OCD and conviction. Can any fellow Christians help me out, and give me tips. I already know Jesus loves me, but merely being told that doesn’t help anything.