rocdddd

recently got a rlly rlly good experience w my bfs friends the 4 of us spent all day together just talking and connecting and it was particularly happy cause me my bf and his friend who i used to have problems with and stuff but i lwk always wanted his validation / approval. we were on adderall (legally & prescribed to all 3 of us because we have adhd) which i think added to the element of happiness in the air i was too positive abt everything. anyway i bonded w them super well felt so happy about the experience it lasted hours it was just me explaining sm things that happened to me and them defending me it was great. then that night me and the friend stayed up all night talking because we were both up from the adderall since we took it too late, and i know that sounds weird but it was very much okay with my bf he wants me and this friend specifically to patch things up and we built the foundation that it would be ok for me to do that w this friend i wouldnt w others but this friend is all platonic. and this friend and i actually have a traumatic past being involved w the same girl and it traumatized us so badly so yesterday we talked for hours and hours abt how i try to be genuine & we debriefed that trauma and a million other deep life things ofc. but part of me feels so weird because what if im trauma bonded to him and catch feelimgs which i don't want at all and when i was w my bf today i felt so weird maybe bcs of these thoughts and the lack of sleep and the come down but i automatically assumed it means im not interested / in love since i cant physically feel it but i want to be in love w my bf forever no one else. but what if i do like this other guy and today i had a super split 1 second of jealousy w him and then it went away and i wanted him to hang out w us today but when i thought he wasnt or when i tried getting him earlier w my bf and he wasnt there i cant tell if i was too sad or if i just didnt wanna be there without my bfs friend which i do NOTTT want whatsoever which is why im stressed. me and my bf been spending last 3-4 days all day long but im scared im not enjoying it how i would if i loved him even tho i want to desperately and am kind of sure i do but this new bond is insanely heavy and i can usually adapt to a new guy friendship easily but this one stressed me out bcs the conversation was intense but i need advice is this ocd like is this a normal response will it wear off so i go back to good w my bf?

Relationship OCD

.e.

Date posted: 1y

I relate to this SO MUCH. To me it seems a lot like relationship OCD. It sounds like you’re having intrusive thoughts about “what if I don’t love my boyfriend” “what if I fall for this other person” and maybe even “what if something is wrong with me”. Let me know if those seem wrong, it’s what I gathered. These intrusive thoughts are leading to ruminating about this other friend and your boyfriend which is also a compulsion even if you can’t physically see it. Plus if you have ADHD this new bond is probably giving you dopamine! It’s exiting to build a new connection! What you’re experiencing is totally okay. Remind yourself that your thoughts are just thoughts and don’t mean you’re a bad person or doing anything wrong. Worst case what if you did like someone else? That doesn’t mean you stop liking your boyfriend! People can have multiple friends and that doesn’t take away from how much they like their other friends. It’s okay to have a little crush. I have been in a relationship for almost little over 5 years and have had to work through a lot of the same kinds of thoughts. At some point I ended up talking to my partner about it and now I know that even if I have a little crush, that’s okay and even feels nice sometimes. It doesn’t take away from the love I have for my partner. You’re doing a good job. I’m sending lots of love to you. 💗

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@.e. thank you so much this was so helpful i overanalyze every feeling and urge and then i amplify their meaning so that i question if it's really ocd or if it's real and that's what i don't like to think abt tbh

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous i have this w every guy i interact with too and i find myself looking at their .. sometimes literally even tho i dont want to at all its like such a weird thing idk if intrusive focuses or intrusive stares r a thing? i hope theyre a factor of ocd

.e.

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Maybe it’s a compulsive behavior in an unexpected way Either way I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@.e. also the thing js when i think i like someone else i just cant feel anything towards my bf out of fear or stress or what idk but then once i cant feel anything arnd him i comvince myself i j dont love him anymore and i lose my mind i cant handle both types of wmotions at once thats the issue

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

is it rocd or just a relationship?

hey you guys i’m new to the app, i just wanted to come on here and share part of what i’ve been struggling with recently- around the beginning of 2024 i started having intrusive thoughts and they completely took over my life to the point where i began planning my suicide once i had finished out some of my commitments for that year. during that time i met this girl and we began texting and keeping in touch with each other every single day since last february. (tw suicide) unfortunately i did have to spend some time in a hospital after i attempted suicide in may of 2024 and i never really knew if this girl was into me or if she even liked girls but we kept talking up until the end of october where we finally said we liked each other. immediately i could tell smth was wrong bc i was shaking and crying and completely scared because i wanted to be very clear that i couldn’t commit to a relationship and then i disclosed to her i was in the hospital in may and i still hadn’t fully recovered from that (#stillhavent #butiwillsoitsokay😛) and i felt awful that i had responded to such an amazing moment like that andever since then i had been plagued with these constant thoughts about not liking her, being straight (which i still don’t know and fully branched out into SOOCD and i have an incredibly hard time distinguishing what is OCD and what is genuinely true about my sexuality because ive never really felt like this for a girl) and for about 4 months we went out on dates where i felt absolutely horrible because i felt like i wasn’t acting like myself or i was being rude to her or i was more attracted to male passerby’s than her or i accidentally thought something about her that just felt so mean and horrible. i also convinced myself it could never work because i couldn’t picture her face and that continued for the first two months, but then i decided to call things off at the beginning of march because i just couldn’t handle debating if i actually liked her if i was gay if i was a horrible person and if i was wrong for all the things i thought every single day and currently we’re on a break because i tried to call things off and she kind of talked me out of it in a very kind and understanding way. i just hate leaving her in limbo because at the end of the day i just want her to be happy because she is an amazing incredible and sweet person and if i wasted more of her time i’d feel even more awful. kinda long lowk… if u read all this thank u and lmk what u think:)

Mariabae

Date posted: 19w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w

Rocd help please

Ok so this all could be for reassurance but I’m rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didn’t realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was “go away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guys” when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they weren’t true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didn’t do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc he’s the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and he’s the one guy I’ll leave my bf for. And it’s been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I can’t jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixed😓I don’t wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still “confused” if I don’t wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I can’t til I make sure I don’t like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar 😞

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