Depression drains my energy so much. Trying to get back on my feet without meds is so hard. So much has happened in my life and I’m filled with bad memories and low self worth. I don’t find the point in things anymore or lack interest. Even at my office job I got which is a great well paying job I am slow at working because I’m so drained, uninterested, and distract myself with music or some Netflix throughout the day. I was on adderall, Wellbutrin and klonopin, the adderall for off label use for ocd to focus. Ever since I got off I’ve never been the same and was dependent on it I think. My mom hates that drug and told me if I want to go back on it I have to move out. I just got back from Dubai out of an abusive relationship and have to work for some time before I get medical insurance again. I’m working 7 days a week between 2 jobs. Lost a lot of friends from self destructive drunk behavior and now I’m alone. I have friends all over the world but no one really in New York where I am. Idk how to get the energy and life back into me naturally. My ocd thoughts make me extra guilty over past events as far as 7-8 years ago and I always think things will haunt me so it weighs me down and prevents me from becoming the best person I can be.

Now that you have a job, do you also have insurance? You can probably see a psychiatrist then about meds. I wouldn’t recommend getting back in adderall and klonopin. Sounds like you had quite the cocktail there and those are both addictive and easily destructive. But I think an SSRI could certainly help you right now.

If you feel like alcohol contributed to losing all of your friends... you’re welcome in an AA meeting. And if you’re looking to stop drinking but struggling, you’re welcome in an AA meeting. I think talking with others who are also struggling and have been through similar experiences would really help. You can use the meetup app too. But you won’t necessarily find others who are going to connect with the place you’re in right now. They may be in a much better place and not want to discuss things that are a little darker and deeper and harder to handle. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it! I’m just pointing this out so you keep it in mind. Also, don’t worry about not having a core group at your age. In fact, young people are actually lonelier than ever right now: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/amp/ncna945446 and https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2019-03-11/1-in-3-young-adults-suffers-from-loneliness-in-us

Try a meetup then! You’ll find friends again. We all go through periods of loneliness and there’s always a chance to find connection again.

I have a job from a temp agency and since their insurance is costly I have to apply through New York State, but I can’t until November. SSRIs weren’t working, that’s why I got the adderall. I tried many of them. In the meantime I can’t even hang out with friends or talk for comfort because over the years I’ve lost them due to a drunk outburst I had from pain within myself crying out for help, or they are in another state or country. I lost my best friend and our mutual friends don’t even look at me anymore they hang out with her and it kills me. I moved back to New York to pure loneliness.

Have you tried going to an AA meeting? I think connecting with others in person who have lost friends and family because of alcohol and mental health issues could help you feel less alone and connected to a community.

I was going to try but I’m too embarrassed to go and I still don’t believe I have an alcohol problem, but I need to stop drinking until I get my life together and work on myself because all my emotions come out when I drink. Not all the time just once in a while. Still enough to be destructive to my life. I was going to try the Meet Up app to make friends. I just feel like at 26 it’s sad that I don’t have a core group of friends.

Not all of my friends but some of my best friends. And then mutual friends just followed. I still have best friends from college but we all went separate ways. When I moved to Dubai I made friends so easily. I am trying to relocate to LA but can’t do so for another year. No one at my job talks to make friends everyone just keeps to themselves. But even when I make friends I don’t want to talk about dark things. I just want good influences around me. I admit during college and some people I surround myself with love drinking to black out or are just negative influences. I guess maybe I’m being dramatic. I know many people are lonely. Social media makes it worse because I start comparing my life and getting too much in my head.