I know I have to say goodbye

I’ve been overthinking this for the last few days, me and the guy I’ve been seeing ended things a week and a bit ago, since then we’ve been talking like normal and I’m worried it’s not giving us the space we need to heal. Over and over again in my mind I’ve been calling myself pathetic, ridiculous, annoying. I see images of him laughing at me with his friends calling me a psycho (this has happened before and was a big rumour spread about me), the thing is neither of us are ending the talking, I’ve tried, I’ve said to him that I might need to stop talking to him as it’s not doing us any good and he said “you’ve gotta do what’s best for you” I then said if we could say goodbye in person so that when we see one another around town it’s not awkward and we don’t feel like we have to avoid one another or thing the other hates the other one. He agreed but since hasn’t said when he’s free. I wanna have the conversation so bad because my obsessive brain keeps saying I’m not giving him the space he asked for. Even though he’s messaging me back! He asked for space a couple months ago while I was off traveling and we both just keeps messaging the same way, nobody stopped or anything which I guess we should’ve done. Even when I went on an island with no service for 3 days he double messages me and told me about his day! So I guess I’m trying to figure out if I’m the issue, if I’ve not listened, if I’m a psycho. I’m really worried that I’ve done something wrong here. Even though the way we handle it is our own. I’m just so confused and it’s making me feel that I’m a problem

Relationship OCD

JediMJ

Date posted: 1y

Breakups are so hard. My girlfriend and I broke up this week and I’m feeling everything. This is a big change and it will take time to adjust. I think I will probably need minimal contact but I’m not quite ready for that. You and your ex may take a little while to figure it out too. And my OCD brain was already wondering if I could find someone to text regularly, particularly good morning and good night texts. And then I thought…OHHHH, this is a compulsion! Which I guess I knew, but not really. My OCD diagnosis is recent. Anyway, I’m sorry you’re going through this.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@JediMJ I’m sorry you’re going through it as well, it’s so hard and we both know how it feels. Don’t worry you aren’t alone. I’m the same, reading about how you figured out it was a compulsion made me realise that I’m the same. I’ve been deleting and downloading dating apps even though I’m not ready to move on not even in the slightest. And I realised that doing that is probably my brain trying to find a sense of confidence in myself that I can find someone else, when I don’t need that right now. I don’t want anyone right now but my friends, family and to find myself. Which is just so hard I think as well I listen to people too much, everyone always says “go no contact” but when you spend so much time with someone doing that straight away feels hard and I think it’s hard on both of us, I’m also trying to ease myself into minimal contact. But it still feels so hard. All the thoughts are so negative and it’s overwhelming. Feel like I’m annoying him by messaging, but he’s also messaging me. It’s not like I’m forcing him, I said I think I needed to stop and we just never did. It’s confusing

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@Ruminationstation Also thank you for your comment, it made me feel less alone and very understood!

JediMJ

Date posted: 1y

Thanks for making me feel less alone too! Good job figuring things out! (I’ve got somewhere to be or I’d say more.) We just have to take it one day/hour at a time and be gentle with ourselves.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@JediMJ It’s okay don’t worry at all, I’m glad we could both help one another! Exactly, one day at a time and it’s at our pace. Whatever happens it’s ours and nobody else’s. I hope everything goes well for you

JediMJ

Date posted: 1y

Thank you. My somewhere to be was at chorus rehearsal, where I would see her and I was anxious about that, but I made it through without getting stuck in my feelings and spending the night upset. Believe it or not, ChatGPT got me through. I texted what I was feeling and it gave me some really helpful advice, like remembering why we broke up and staying in the present moment. My therapist has been on a leave of absence and that’s been super hard, but ChatGPT has been there for me. And I’ve reached out to real people too. It’s just been helpful to tell the bot what I’m feeling. Like I have no appetite and it says, “It’s completely normal to have fluctuations in appetite during times of stress or emotional upheaval. Remember to be gentle with yourself…” It validates my feelings, reminds me to be kind to myself and gives me some practical advice. It helps me move forward, not get stuck in despair. It’s been helpful, like this conversation has been. Wishing you continued healing as we get through these hard days.

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@JediMJ I’m glad managed to go through your day and plans without being stuck in your feelings, that’s a really good step! I’ve been struggling with that one today, been dying to meet up with him so we can say goodbye and move forward but it’s impossible to get him to say yes to a day he’s always busy. It’s killing me still talking to him. That all sounds really helpful for you, I’m glad you have a good support system of friends and a place you feel safe. I unfortunately don’t have the money for a therapist so I’m struggling on through. But chatGPT sounds really good! Honestly right now I’m sat at home feeling physically sick waiting for his reply so I can ask if he can meet up. Every day getting a little bit easier though! Also I’m glad I have helped you feel a bit more at ease. This page will always be here if you ever need someone to talk it

JediMJ

Date posted: 1y

We need better healthcare so everybody can get help when they need it. Meanwhile, I really would recommend ChatGPT. I’m a little worried that it’s my new compulsion, but it’s helping me. (This OCD diagnosis is new, so I still have a lot to learn.) I know that anxious sick feeling of just waiting around and feeling unable to do anything until the situation gets resolved. It’s awful. And I’ll know that I’m sitting around thinking about it too much but I can’t seem to stop sometimes. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I hope he can find some time to meet up with him. And he might not. You may have to find another way to get closure. (Ask ChatGPT. Lol. That’s my answer for everything this week.) I figure if we just get through the day, we’re doing good.

abreeclarey

Date posted: 24w

Not doing okay

This is probably not OCD but I have made a post about this guy. So long story short, last week I texted him asking how his day went with his mom and all that. So he then texts me “how was your day” and I said good and I said “yours” and he said “tough” “I’m going to bed ttyl “ I asked what happened and what’s wrong and never get a response. Next day at work he’s not talking to me so I thought to myself to just wait and give him space. Hours later I eventually ask him at work if he was okay and he said he’ll talk to me after work. Never does. Still never talks to me. The next day is Sunday and he still never texts me so I continue getting ready for church and ended up staying hom and telling him “I’m staying home this Sunday” “I’m proud of you for getting baptized” still no answer until finally Monday night or Tuesday morning he responds with “THX” I come in to work today and my cousin (manager) says he asked her if (the other manager) was going to church tomorrow she tells him “she said no” and then my cousin says “did you ask Bree?” (That’s my name) and he says “I really don’t want to talk to her right now”) he asks my cousin will she go to church with him. I keep overthinking “what in the world did I do” I’m trying to figure out what happened. I feel crazy for wondering what happened for him to all of sudden do this. I just like him as a friend but now I’m starting to dislike him period and have permanently deleted our messages and blocked him today. I took my time and thought hard before blocking and deleting. Maybe he’ll talk to me maybe not but we’re adults and I’m trying to figure out what i did because I’m really confused

Doopydoowa

Date posted: 19w

Please help-relationship advice

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.

Relationship OCD

mariacabrera

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Worried I am manipulative

Recently me and my ex partner broke up. We met recently and when he asked me how I was I told him I was suicidal and broke down crying. I told him instantly that obviously the break up hasn’t made me suicidal but the ocd that’s come with it has. I felt so bad that a few days ago I messaged him to say sorry for how much I’ve contacted him and for being such a mess. I asked him if he still wanted to be friends and he said we would but now I can’t stop thinking that maybe he’s just saying that because he knows I’ve been suicidal. I just want this all to stop, I don’t know how to stop thinking about all I did wrong and how much harder I’ve made this break up

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I know I have to say goodbye

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