[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 2y
EljoEljo
- Date posted
- 2y
Hi- you are not the only one, nor do I think you are ever the “only one” when it comes to these terrible experiences with ocd. I experienced this specific phenomenon at 18. I used to not be able to sleep without extremely graphic POCD themed intrusive thoughts. I would cry about it during the day, and at night it was just terrifying. It made me want to die. I hope you are also not feeling that way… but you also said “is this denial?” No, it’s not. This is just ocd at its most cruel. I also don’t know why this happens to us! But you are not alone. Best advice I can give is… let it happen. Let go and just let the images and thoughts arrive and leave on their own accord- it’s possible that distracting yourself is an avoidant behaviour and if you relax and don’t give these thoughts control then they lose power and you’ll get your life back. It’s SO scary though- I don’t remember how I got mine to leave except that they DID eventually leave, and I don’t have them anymore! This is temporary.
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
@Eljo I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I’m sorry you’ve been through that too, it’s such a nightmare and so scary and confusing to deal with. I don’t want to die because I don’t want to lose my family and I know this isn’t who I want to be and I have so many good things I dream about doing in life, but I really don’t want to live this way. I feel like I should want to die after these thoughts and that makes me worry that I feel hopeful and want to live. I’m so scared to let it happen and sit with it but I’m desperate to be free from this. The intrusive thoughts are bad but the images are a whole different level of suffering. I’m going to try my best to just let it be there if it comes up. I’m so glad to hear you made it through, that gives me so much hope. Thank you so so much for your comment, it means a lot that you read it and said something.
EljoEljo
- Date posted
- 2y
Hi! Thanks for responding and sharing this. I would not have been so brave when I was going through this. I also had the feeling of really deep down wanting to LIVE but having ocd tell me I did not deserve to because of my thoughts. It was so confusing- I felt like I *had* to be suicidal. So torturous- I’m so glad you have goals and dreams. This is definitely temporary and also terrifying. I think talking to those who understand can help you- life is so confusing and this is just one of those mysterious experiences
liliesinbloomliliesinbloom
- Date posted
- 2y
I hope I’m not creating these images I’m so sorry for this
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