Emotionally unavailable relationships

I've been in an on and off (mostly on) relationship for a little over 4 years. During this time my ocd and anxiety have been pretty consistent until the last year-ish. During the last year it's slowly gotten better and I have made great strides. I'm doing better than ever with minor flare ups, but nothing compared to before when ocd and anxiety ruled my mind. I was in counseling for a while last year (my counselor had to drop his clients for another job, I'll probably be back in counseling eventually but im not in a rush because I'm doing a lot better than when I started therapy) and that helped. Research about ocd has helped me. Most of all a strong will to get better has helped me most. One thing that I struggle with is that my girlfriend is my main trigger now. I don't have rocd and I don't obsess on her. Her carelessness (in reference to how careful I am in daily life), her kind of lack of common sense, her over emotional tendencies (I know females are naturally more emotional), the fact that she's so mean on her period that there's really no excuse, she treats me like a crush she's known for 2 weeks instead of her boyfriend of years, and she has a bit of a temper although she never crosses the line into abuse. All these things give me anxiety and bring back my intrusive thoughts. When she's gone they go back to a manageable place. When she's around or about to come around it is like a time bomb of ocd and anxiety. Most women I've dated (pretty much all casual except the woman I'm with now) have brought similar feelings out in me. I like living my daily life alone. I'm not sure if it's my girlfriend or just the fact that I'm in a relationship with another person regardless of who that person is triggers my ocd and anxiety. I'm a high twenties male dating a female that's my age. Sometimes I feel like I have no right to want to be treated differently since my ocd and anxiety are not easy to deal with, so dealing with other people's issues is just a fair trade? Idk. I'd really appreciate some input on my situation. Please feel free to comment your true thoughts. I'm not a sensitive person so realism is best for me.

So my most current theme has been ROCD. It’s been nagging at me for the last 4 years. OCD makes me INCREDIBLY self critical and I often turn that internal voice on to my partner and can be incredibly critical of him. In essence, I’m almost subconsciously sabotaging my relationship which is the OPPOSITE of what I want. I’m looking for people who experience this same response and patterned behaviour. Share tips, in-the-moment awareness suggestions. Words of encouragement (not reassurance). OCD is such a trip lol

My relationship OCD has been severe lately and with seemingly no trigger to cause this flare up. I am constantly anxious, doubtful and panicked that I don't love my partner, overanalyzing whether or not I'm attracted to him, and ruminating on the numbness I feel when we are together. Every idea I can come up with to test and check to see if there's that love feeling, that attraction or interest/excitement in doing things together feels invalid, like it won't work. I get triggered further when my partner asks me if I'm okay, and that wave of panic comes back. I can't tell if this is OCD, or if it's my gut telling me it's not a relationship I should stay in. We've been together for five years, I'm not in OCD therapy, and I've been off meds for four months now.