Does anyone else feel that OCD can be defeated with mindset adjustment ? It’s pretty clear that I suffer from negative thoughts and have severe self doubt and uncertainty. It’s like I don’t even know my own identity. Over the past few days I’ve become more confident in myself by not caring what others think of me. The effects on my mood were very unusual but much appreciated. It’s almost like we can teach our brains new thought patterns. Anyone feel the same or heard stories of similar value?

It seems that most of my problems result from poor self esteem and confidence. It’s weird to say but it feels like that way

I believe in what you say. And even more than just adopting new patterns, getting to the core of our insecurities and healing from there is key to me for personal evolution.

That was a big part of my ocd too, low self esteem and lack of confidence. The way I truly began healing was by getting to the root of those feelings and emotions. I realized most of it comes from childhood. Have you searched for a way to cultivate self love?

I’ve never really practiced self love. It’s a weird feeling but I’m finally learning to think of myself in a positive way. I have always thought of myself in a negative way since childhood. Always putting pressure on myself to live up to a certain way.

That’s awesome, beginning to think of yourself in a positive way is already an act of self love. It for sure is a journey rather than a quick destination, but it’s worth it, after all it’s our lives we’re doing all of this work for. When you mention the pressure you put on yourself since childhood, is this related to what your parents or caregivers continuously expected from you?

Yeah i had pressure to perform well in school from my mom but she did it out of love. Maybe I developed issues from the pressure I put on myself

I don’t doubt that she did it out of love ?? The problem arises when trauma is caused without awareness. I’ll explain: Until the age of 8, we are prone to get traumatized from severe traumatic experiences but also from simple everyday life situations. If the parent put pressure on the child to excel in school, we know they did it out of care for the child’s future and wellbeing. But this isn’t how it usually works out. If the child fails in some way to meet the expectations of the parent, while being pressured, the child can easily get traumatized and acquire thoughts and feelings of self doubt, self blame, feelings of “not being enough”. This unhealed trauma is carried into adulthood and it is manifested in various situations. These situations serve as “wake up calls”. It is like the unhealed trauma is crying for help. What makes it difficult to target them is exactly the “innocence” of the situations we experienced as kids, as we know our parents (in this case) wanted us to excel in school. That sounds simple and harmless, but the way it affected the child is very severe. We know our parents did the best they could with the way they educated us, most likely they experienced the same in their own childhoods. By embracing that, we then don’t necessarily have to deal with the childhood trauma our parents caused us by accusing our parents. But instead, what is our “inner” mother or “inner” father still dictating in our lives? Exploring those emotions to their core, I believe, is the beginning of true healing and integration. So I would say, poor self esteem and lack of self confidence must come from a place. If we go back as much as we can to target when those emotions arose, we will ease the understanding of their place in our lives and we will be able to work towards a more self loving life, because we won’t be dealing with the unknown anymore.

I love my mom and it tears her apart that she might have something to do with my anxiety. I’ve always had problems communicating to her. I wonder if this has something to do with it? It’s like I can’t open up to her and instead have a much easier time talking with my dad. It makes me sad to be this way because I do love my mom very much

It’s awesome that you are loving towards her and also that you can open up to your dad. When you say that it tears her apart that she might have to do something with your anxiety, do you mean that this already come up and she’s tried to deny it, or didn’t know what to say or how to help? If you’ve always experienced problems communicating with her, this could be part of the fragmented trauma within yourself. The first question would be, what was the reason(s) you couldn’t open up to her? Is the reason linked to what you discussed earlier or are there many other important factors? What’s great is that you’re in a loving space towards her, but how amazing would it be if true communication happened between you two and you were able to express how you feel, while being validated for your emotions and not being pushed away, misunderstood or denied? It’s a long journey I began in my own life with my mom, there was a lot of resistance, I couldn’t communicate with her, it was like I was living a double life: my life and the life that she knew of. It isn’t an easy process but it carries great importance in our lives. It was through self exploration though, that I was even able to very slowly introduce these psychological topics to her. And yes our relationship is a lot better and I am now able to truly cultivate authentic love for her. Which before, I couldn’t. I’d say: without a doubt your parents have a role to play in your current emotions. That said, it is not to blame them, but to instead understand them and the situations that lead you to these feelings. There for sure is a bright valley out of the woods, but it is the journey in the forest that will shape your for the wonders of the bright valley ;)

I’ve broached the subject with her and she took it pretty hard. I’m upset that I’ve put up my guard around her and I can’t be open with her about my day etc. even when we hug it feels like a chore. Deep down I do care and love her. Maybe the early pressure I was put under has affected me? I have a twin brother who does not have any of these issues

I don't think you should blame your mom man,while low self-esteem may have been caused by your mom,ocd is a neurological disorder it wasn't caused by your mom it's just biology bro, improving self esteem def helps not just with ocd it's good in general but it isn't the cause of ocd like my self esteem is really high but i still struggle with ocd

Right. I’m just saying I’ve noticed negative thought patterns and the way I view myself. Idk why I developed those but I am working to fix the mess in my head. Recovery and healing is the only option :)

@bdstwin, the reason I shared the info above was mainly from own experience and knowledge that I’ve acquired throughout the years. My OCD was definitely linked to the way I was feeling, it’s almost like through having ocd I could feel a warmth of reassurance that I didn’t feel within myself. Saying that improving self esteem helps over all, is a valid statement that holds truth. But, where does the opposite feeling which you’re experiencing come from? Where does the lack of self esteem come from? I’m not sure if @starboiklem read the entire thread, but I made sure I said that we shouldn’t blame our parents, but instead realize trauma emerged from childhood. It’s important to know that everyone on this earth, no matter how wonderful of a childhood they had, they got traumatized from certain situations with their primary caregivers in their childhood. Just like our parents did with their grandparents. So it isn’t to blame, but to understand. What happened, when it happened and how it’s making us feel now, in adolescence or adulthood. If we simply say OCD is a neurological disorder, we’re implying there’s something wrong with our brain. We’re looking at the symptom, rather than the cause. And they’re entirely different perspectives. So yes, improving self esteem does help. For sure. But how can we do so if we don’t look at why we lack self esteem in the first place?

I had a great childhood and I’m not sure what trauma caused this. I have a twin brother who obviously doesn’t have the issues I do. The only thing I can think of was my parents fought and argued a lot and my mom put pressure on us to perform well in school. My brother wasn’t affected by this but I was. Is that possible? I have a better relationship with my dad than my mom. I love them both and it bothers me that I have trouble with my mom. Did I take the pressure differently than my brother? I was naturally prone to anxiety because I had a more timid personality?

Even though your brother is your twin, he is still experiencing life his own way, so it’s healthy not to compare or ask why you’re different. I have many friends who are twins and when I get to know them I fully see they’re different people with very similar looking bodies. You must know this yourself ;) The thing with trauma, is that it’s not just one or two fragmented pieces of your soul, but it could be hundreds, now, don’t be scared, again I say this is for everybody on earth. It is what it is, we have a choice of wether to deal with it or continue in reaction to it. The pressure to perform well in school for sure holds many emotions that you might consider looking at, but if you start working with yourself you’ll quickly see that many more situations emerge in your memory. Let’s just acknowledge this as something good instead of bad, because this is the opportunity for us to integrate our emotions, to see what’s really going on and to really build a path for ourselves that is centered in awareness and self love. What’s important to ask yourself is: what am I feeling? (Google a sheet of emotions and choose the appropriate ones to convert them into words, eg. Powerless, angry, hopeless, etc.) When you target the exact feeling you’ll then be able to begin to trace it to the time of origin. I know you said that it bothers you having trouble with your mom. I know it’s hard, but how about you see it from the perspective of: now you’re able to untangle the trouble you’ve “had” your whole life with her, and by working on yourself, you’ll discover ways to make your relationship better. It takes time but it’s posible. Work with your “inner-parent” (inner-mother) before you approach your actual parent, specially if they’re not in a space of being able to handle a deep psychological conversation.

V11 I agree with what you say im not saying childhood doesn't play a role it does offcource,ocd is a neurological disorder im not saying this based on my opinion it's what experts on that matter say so i trust them, offcource environment plays a role for sure like trauma can definitely trigger the symptoms but not always, personally my childhood was the happiest period of my life,no ocd no problems just enjoying life then ocd came out of nowhere when i was 15,there was no reason at all just bad luck? Like i read something online and suddenly I started questioning my sexuality for no reason and that lasted 5 years. In the end i totally believe that improving self esteem or curing trauma is great and he should do it but the best way to treat ocd is erp and that should be everyone's priority,now bdstwin maybe your brother also has the gene for ocd but hasn't been triggered yet? Ocd can occur at any time throughout life it hasn't been triggered in your brother yet and i sure hope it never will.

I was just thinking of something along the lines of this, in which was wondering if being more confident can help ocd(and as you say not caring what others think). Only because i also have low self esteem and ive had it a while, and thats why ive also started lifting weights and its actually helped my symptoms of anxiety diminish which helped the OCD, and i know when you workout you do feel more confident so its 2 in one! ? i think it can be defeated.

Maybe not completely related, but before my OCD, I generally didn't care what people thought about me I'd just do my own thing and wear whatever I wanted. Now I'm worried if what I wear will make them think something about me or whether they can read my mind. Going from not caring about people's opinions to being preoccupied by them has been a strange shift for me.