POCD

I really need help. I'm feeling extremely panicked and refusing to go into a loop, so I'm asking for immediate help. TMI, but I was master***** earlier and had an intrusive thought about a child. I pushed it out of my head, and kept going. I would stop, tell myself I'm ok and I do not like that thought, and then keep going. I felt like if I didn't keep going while trying to get rid of that thought, it meant I was letting the thought win and kind of "believe" it was true about my moral and about whether or not I'm a ped0. I felt immediately guilty after and now feel extremely stressed because I'm convincing myself I masterb**** to those thoughts. I feel disgusting. Now I'm ruminating and thinking "what if I did like those thoughts" and now am turning it into a false memory situation. I really need desperate help. Normally I succeed in ignoring the OCD and intrusive thoughts and I normally am ok after, but I tried to do an ERP type situation and still climax even after having those thoughts. I feel so so disgusting now though. Please help.

POCD

Cashmoney321

Date posted: 1y

I want to start this comment by first saying that you are NOT a disgusting person and you are not in any way weird for experiencing what you did. I think you would be surprised to find the number of people who experience racing thoughts during personal times like this. It sounds like you know the difference between an intrusive thought and thoughts that aren’t intrusive which is good! It also sounds like you know methods to get yourself through situations like this. I can tell by your post and the way you write about your experience that you feel great fear and discomfort about this which shows me that those thoughts do not reflect your values at all. Those thoughts mean absolutely nothing about who you are. As for the false memory situation I would try not to engage with the false memory. This false memory means nothing. I can assure you that you are going to get through this. Also, these thoughts are not necessarily something you ignore. With OCD, what has helped me is acknowledging that these thoughts exist but not to fight them because they are not harmful and they don’t deserve my attention. Maybe try responding to the thought with a mindset like “I see you’re here but I don’t care because you don’t mean anything” once you become indifferent to the intrusive thoughts that pass through your mind, you begin to have more control of how they effect you. I believe in you! You can do this!!!

AnomyousOctopus

Date posted: 1y

@Cashmoney321 Wow. Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your approach with me. I will try your technique!!

Cashmoney321

Date posted: 1y

@falsememorysucks Of course! Also, make sure not to be too hard on yourself if certain techniques don’t work because while there may be certain rules on how you handle intrusive thoughts, sometimes people have to personalize the way they approach these things!

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Cashmoney321 hi! thank you so much for your advice. really similar stuff happens to me and it absolutely sucks. i like the suggested attitude of "I can see you're here but I don't care bc you mean nothing" - thank you!

Jessie-

Date posted: 18w

Pocd

Anyone experience intrusive thoughts of their children during intimate moments? Have you done erp to this? I had one and continued slightly before running and needing to vomit now feel guilty anyone else experienced this?

happygirl15

Date posted: 11w

POCD/ Intrusive thoughts & Images

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

POCD

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 7w

So distressed plz help :( 18+

*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔

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