my boyfriend is perfect. i cant believe how happy i am. but my ocd has this image of his ex gf and doesn’t drop it. Even tho she went insane at the end, they dated for 4+years. it just makes me feel like our experiences even cute aren’t original. i just want to let myself be happy but her face and etc is stuck inside my brain. i even stopped stalking but it didn’t really help. help.
Hi, I'm speaking for the bf's perspective. I was in a relationship for 3+ years. I eventually lost feelings, and have a boyfriend of a 1.5 now that I love. Every experience that YOU and your boyfriend have are always going to be different and original than him and his ex's. He's chosen you! He's with you for a reason. Let the past stay in the past as best as you can! You're doing great though keep pushing.
@falsememorysucks thank you, that def made a difference in how i’m feeling
@sofagrl I'm my boyfriend's first gf. In the beginning, he was constantly anxious about my ex and told me he felt like he was just a "rebound" and he felt like I still love my first bf. I just had to remind him that I choose him, and that if I still loved or wanted my ex, I'd be with him still! But I also remind him that I can't change my past or who I WAS with, I can only choose who I'm with now and I think that helps him find comfort.
I’m sure he isn’t comparing your relationship to the one with his ex… that to me means someone doesn’t truly love their partner or isn’t over their ex if they do that. It’s your own insecurities around her that make you worry, trust me I’ve been there, I’ve been worried I’m not as good as my boyfriends ex before and that she was prettier, skinnier, etc than me and worried that maybe he would think he was happier with her ?? But I know that is stupid considering that everyone has a past and people leave their past in the past, before they choose to enter a new relationship. Don’t compare yourself to her or their relationship it’s so damaging, trust me in that if your bf is a man and not a boy, he has no attachments to his ex - and I’m sure he isn’t comparing or even thinking about his ex, if he did that he’s a dog and you deserve better… I think that you will have your own relationship together, your own experiences, your own happiness, memories, love, etc
@SadUnicorn3 thank you!!! i agree. it’s hard cause of the unwanted images, but i consider myself a confident girl and this is making me second guess some insecurities that i didn’t think existed. i know im the catch and an upgrade but comparison is the thief of joy
My ocd is bringing up ex’s and it’s like “love is a choice u guys could have worked out if u made it work” but I love my bf now and ugh any advice or tips?
Im in a relationship for 4 years, but i had been in contact with my ex a few times. WORSE DECISION, after confessing i developed ocd. Different themes, i literally quit my previous job because i believed that i was going to fall in love with just anyone from there, female, male, kid etc. It was very difficult, but that theme is not loud anymore. I noticed how my ocd attached to the mistakes i made, and now is torturing me by reminding me every day with hard evidence i dont love my partner, or love songs remind me of my ex. Almost as if i see him everywhere, there are days that my bf says something and my mind tells me oh it sounds like your ex, or if i see my ex in him, its so weird, next year we planned a trip, same country/neighborhood where i met my ex, i feel like going back to where i met him might trigger my anxiety. How do i get rid of these ex thoughts, i dont want to be with my ex. I just want to erase these thoughts and everything is annoying me
So, this long story will have to be cut down a bit but here’s my story and my plea for some guidance… My childhood was not that great. Although I am grateful to have had a better childhood than others who are way less fortunate. My dad was an alcoholic and suicidal, my mom was toxic and vengeful. This lasted up until I would say my 10th birthday. I was also molested by a family member that to this day no one believes that it happened and would rather me keep this info to myself. I searched for attention from the wrong people. Being bullied, I decided it’s best to be the bullier. So, I started getting in trouble at school, home, with the cops. Everything. Me and my mom started to develop a resentful relationship. I met people online who were older than my age at the time, who had zero business talking to me. They manipulated me and made me feel horrible. I got caught and went ten months without a phone. This time was peaceful. I then went into my sophomore year of high school and entered a relationship I was not comfortable in. At this point, I was healing from previous trauma and was not looking for a relationship to be in. But, I did it anyway because I was afraid to be alone. This relationship was the worst relationship….and I mean the WORST relationship I was in. It was narcissistic and abusive. It broke off abruptly with no closure, no explanation, and leaving me empty and suicidal. I dated during this time and made it clear that I was not ready for a relationship yet. I decided to take a break from dating because although I do not have feelings for my ex, I was now experiencing anxiety and PTSD from what happened. I fell into a deep depression that I did not know when I will be getting out of. I met my boyfriend while continuing to heal about a month after. It was an instant connection and of course I questioned it but I didn’t think much of it. I caught feelings for him pretty quickly which is something that is rare for me. We had insanely similar personalities. It has been the best relationship I have been in. I could even go as far as to say this will be my future husband. We are also long distance and will be closing that distance soon. Something inside me though… keeps bringing up my ex. Small thoughts, small feelings, and knowing I don’t love him. Now, I sit here. I am questioning my love for my partner, asking myself what is so special about my ex that he occupies my mind but weirdly not my heart… It hurts. I just want these thoughts to stop. I have become suicidal before, I am scared to become this again. Why do I feel like I love him when I never loved him while we were together? I know my brain is tricking me, because I know I love my partner. But I am scared I still care for someone who abused me. I am scared I now love two people at the same time. I am scared that the one that I am with isn’t the one for me and this happiness means I am faking it. Is it all an illusion? Why can’t he just go away?
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