What to do when urges come back strong?😭😭

Trying to ignore my thoughts but it feels like they are only coming at me more now😭 im just at a loss i dont know what to do

Guys it feels so real and im really scared because it feels like i dont care about the thoughts and it feels like im going to do something terrible, its horrific. I am so scared i keep getting urges and images i dont know what to do because i get a whole rush of panic. I think what’s triggered it was my for you page on tiktok, on the Mendez brothers murder cases and The prada guy and im so scared but it feels like im not worried like abt the thoughts or feeling but i am scared pls reply its literally plaguing me in my head idk what to do bc it feels like im gonna do it

My intrusive images were an absolute nightmare back in April. I honestly don’t even know how it got better, I had written a letter to God begging for help. Well recently idk if it’s because I’ve been stressed a lot again and ruminating on a lot of pocd related things from the past the make me worry, but the images have started again and even though they are repulsive and awful, I feel like I’m not reacting how I should. I think I just got to where I would just try to like blink it away and ignore it, but I feel so bad if I’m not feeling absolute shame and guilt. I feel like I feel too normal and sometimes I forget that if anyone knew besides people on here, I can’t imagine what people would think, but I also know it’s not who I am so I feel like I don’t worry as much as I should. Also, I can’t stop worrying about fanfiction I read when I was like 16 and 17. It really bothers me because I keep wondering did I imagine this one character my age? Why did I read this? Did I even know what aging up was then, and even if I did it’s wrong and gross anyway but if I didn’t age this character up then that’s awful. And i just can’t let go but I think it’s triggering me to have the images so idk what to do.