I’m scared this isn’t ocd…

It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.

Username: anonymous8850anonymous8850

Date posted: 34w ago

Hey there I’m sorry that you feel like this.. but I can totally relate to ur story.. it happened to me awhile ago, i got so stressed out in my head of all those negative, unwanted and harmful thoughts. I also got pictures in my head of me killing my family or strangers with a knife. I was so scared and I had so much anxiety. I really panicked I couldn’t find peace in my mind.. I had a feeling that I was about to loose control.. Im feeling much better fortunately And here’s what helped me In the beginning it really helped to write all my thoughts and worries down. I started every line with “what if” first, and then my thoughts or worries after. It helped me a lot to get more piece In my mind and head. When I got one of those thoughts I’ve wrote down, I kept telling myself that my thoughts and worries are now in the book, and it should stay there. And then some of my thoughts or worries kinda faded, (not all) but most of them. Also remember not to listen to your thoughts, it’s the OCD and the anxiety that keeps bullying u! Just remember that thoughts are just thoughts, your thoughts has nothing to do with u as a person or you as a child.. The reason why u keep getting those thoughts all the time is because of your anxiety.. The anxiety tells ur brain that this thought is important, (because it’s a danger to u and ur afraid of it).. and remember that everyone gets wired, unwanted thoughts, sometimes. it’s also normal to react on your childhood, and questioning everything.. i did too! In my childhood I once hit one of my classmate with a book in the head, for no reason. That memory made me doubt myself so much, and I was afraid that I actually would kill someone because of that memory.. But remember that everyone does something wired in their childhood, and the only reason why we get those memories back is because of the OCD. I will recommend u to go on YouTube and watch some of (OCD and ANXIETY)s videos, his videos really helped me, and I’ve got some great tips from him! Here’s one of his tips ‘ I’ve leaned that when I get a thought, I should not try to ignore it, push it away, or distract myself.. it only makes my unwanted thoughts stronger and more powerful. instead I act like i don’t care about the thoughts I get, even tho it’s the worst thought ever.. I keep reminding myself about that OCD and Anxiety are just bullies. So when I get unwanted thoughts I say something like this out loud “ay thanks ocd, I love this thought” “ok OCD it’s just a thought I don’t care” “Alright then, come with more of those thoughts OCD it doesn’t bother me at all” Then you kinda beat the OCD. Then the OCD don’t find it funny to bully you. You could also do some [mindfulness exercises] to get more peace in your mind, when you feel stressed out, Og read a book before you go to bed. That also helped me! I really suggest, you to take the medicine you got! It helped me so much, and I was also afraid in the beginning, trust me! I also got symptoms, like anxiety, and I was really fighting with the OCD, but I made it. The symptoms was over after a week, and it was totally worth it! I

Username: mehdismehdis

Date posted: 34w ago

Typical ocd, i have the same patterns but with sexual orientation stuff... My advice to you watch some ocd help vidéos on YouTube and try to minimiza or change your approach to triggers . Like whenever a feeling or urges pop up just sit with it and dont react until there is no more anxiety and theb move on , at fitst you will gind it so diffucult but with practice you will be better . Good Lucky and realize that its not you Being à bad person but indeed you having a mental bully named ocd that wont leave you live life peacefully until you confront it ans ignore it .

Username: ElChavodel275ElChavodel275

Date posted: 34w ago

Im sorry you’re going trough this everything you have described I have been going trough this whole week. I can’t offer any tips on how to exactly overcome this but just know your not alone.

Username: biglillinbiglillin

Date posted: 34w ago

This was reassuring to me (especially slide 5 of the post) as someone whose had intense thoughts that went against my current morals and values. https://www.instagram.com/p/C5g8343oJ_U/?igsh=MW43aGl3MGw0aG42eQ== Just know, as kids, we tended to experiment with and on things just out of curiosity. What happened then doesn't define you now ♡

Username: Purpleb34nsPurpleb34ns

Date posted: 34w ago

I'm no expert, but this certainly sounds like OCD to me. I have experienced similar thoughts, even with my treatment of animals as a child. Please know that you are not alone and that it can get better. It is possible for you to enjoy a vacation without this terrible worry.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 34w ago

Hey there. I will definitely try. Just all these thoughts and rumination has literally consumed my life. I’m even questioning of this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. I’m scared because it’ll make me question myself and ask if I really wanna do this stuff even though I don’t. I just visited my 3rd Dr today and I still haven’t been formally diagnosed. I feel like nobody is wanting to tell me anything. The only diagnosis I’ve gotten so far is schizotypal personality disorder but the thing is I’m not at all delusional. I’m fully aware of all of this and it’s threatening to me. Also the provider I saw today said I don’t meet the criteria for that diagnosis but still hasn’t given me a formal ocd diagnosis. All they say are ocd tendencies so idk if that means yes or no. I’m just really afraid because it’s almost like I’m questioning my entire life and character. I question if this all just a lie and I’m not really a good person. This takes up my entire day. The minute I wake up I’m bombarded by all of this and it doesn’t stop until I go to sleep.

Username: Allier792

Date posted: 1y ago

I’m scared

Hi. I’m just really scared and I want to ask questions. I have been ocd and have been really suffering since December. The intrusive thoughts come like I want them now and it’s more of a “ well oh yeah you want to do that, and it’s gonna happen” and I start panicking and can’t focus and it scares the shit out of me. Is that ocd? Or is there something wrong with my brain and I’m actually some psychopath you see in a movie? I’m terrified. Im scared to be around my family, I’m scared to be around everyone. But I’m scared to be alone as well because I’m alone with the thoughts. What if these aren’t intrusive thoughts and I’m actually some terrible person who’s gonna hurt someone or is actually some psychopath who’s crazy? I hate this so much because I use to be so happy and not have any of these intrusive thoughts or worried that I was going to to hurt someone and now I’m so scared all the time. Can someone please answer some of these questions? I just want to make sure that this is ocd and I’m not a terrible person.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 34w ago

I’m so scared rn

I’m so worried about being a literal psychopath. I keep reading that psychopaths start out hurting animals. I made some mistakes a kid. I was mean to my animals and for some reason it didn’t register that they felt pain. I never killed any animal I was just rough. I haven’t done anything since i was a kid. I get very emotional anytime I see an animal in pain and suffering. I even consider veterinary school after I graduated high school but chose not to pursue that because I have such strong emotions towards suffering animals/euthanasia. I could never see myself taking an animals life even if it was for the better. I currently live surrounded by animals and see them more as family than pets. They are my literal babies. I’m worried because I at times looked back to the things I did and wish I never did it but it’s never stuck so much with me until recently. It’s all I think about and I literally wanna punch myself and wish someone would’ve just beat me when I did that stuff. I’m worried it means I’m a psycho just waiting to break. I’ve been having harm ocd type stuff and have been ruminating and it’s all I think about is being a psycho. I feel like everything has been a lie since my childhood. I’m questioning my own emotions and everything and now I feel numb. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything but I constantly feel like a psycho and it feels so real. I always enjoyed watching true crime stuff with my bf and now that I know about all this I’m freaking tf out. Everything feels so real like it’s already happened or is gonna happen if I try to forget about it.

Username: Nancyyaa

Date posted: 20w ago

Please HELP

Idk if I have ocd or not I just want to know about 4 months ago I started getting harmful thoughts to loved ones im very scared because I would never hurt anyone. These thoughts scare me so much because they are so vivid and I have like these urges as if I’m going to do it. What is this? Am I ok? Am I going crazy please someone help it feels like I can’t take it anymore living this way with these thoughts haunting me day and night.

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