- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 49w ago
You ainât ever lied!
Thatâs a great question that I wish too I had the answers to. This is what Iâve dealt with for 20+ years. Itâs awful and my therapist says âWell theyâre just thoughts, just like hey that plant is green.â Iâm like yeah I wish it was that easy
I relate to this soooo much. Especially when ur doing better and there isnât anxiety with those suicidal thoughts so u think that they must be real. Itâs so hard but I try to remind myself that these intrusive thoughts go against my values and I wouldnât act on it.
And then⊠you start questioning your values and so you might actually do it??? OCD IS SO TIRING.
We got this tho, your not alone đȘ
Feel the same. Feels real. My intrusive thoughts develop themselves to other places all the time. Itâs so hard
Going through this right now !!
I haven't been officially diagnosed with OCD but when I learned more about it, I never related to anything more. A little back story: when I was younger, there were a couple of youth suicides in my area and the schools felt the need to have someone come in and talk about suicide. Well the person they had come in did a horrible job teaching it and basically made it seem like the smallest negative emotion or feeling or change in behavior made you suicidal. This ended up scaring me so much that I got horrid anxiety. Fast forward to now, Everytime I feel anxiety and panic, I fear I'm going to kill myself. Everytime I feel down and depressed, I fear I'll end it all. I'm scared to be around anything sharp because the "What if" I hurt myself comes into my mind. There are always intrusive thoughts at almost every point of the day. And it's not only for me. Everytime I hear someone being negative, I fear they will be suicidal. I know in my heart that none of this is true but it's terrifying me that it's stuck around so much that it makes me scared that maybe it is true. I've had a lot of death in my family in the past year and a half and a lot of other family drama that I'd never had before that is now also bringing up existential intrusive thoughts. And I'd never questioned anything about life before but now I get the "why is life like this?" and "does anything we do matter?" and I hate it. I don't want to think like that. I just want to go through life being able to handle things normally again. It terrifies me even right now going "what if you give up?"
Thatâs kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just canât make my mind up about something and Iâm using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
I feel like thereâs no way out of this. everyday iâm anxious and depressed from these thoughts. i feel like i have to constantly question if itâs OCD or not. the panic attacks are insane and i freak out. and a compulsion i have is looking eveything up on the internet when im stressing to know that itâs just my OCD and im not in danger. but looking things up add on to my thoughts and i start thinking âwhat ifâ actual suidcal people think. do others with this theme whenever they do something like if im taking a picture itâll be like âyeah you look happy people will wonder what happened when your goneâ LIKE i DO NOT want to end my life. or even as simple as cleaning my room, âyup keep it clean so when your family goes through your stuffâ then i panic and canât even do anything. those thoughts distress me so bad. iâll sit there and think how good my life is or when im having a good day my thoughts will be like âNOPEEE what if your just saying that to convince yourselfâ it never shuts up and genuinely makes me think i have SI or something. i hope this reaches the right people just to know im not alone. Even when i do get better in the back of my mind itâs always âpeople who want to are the same a day before tooâ im genuinely scared and im scared one day im going to just snap and do it because its âtoo muchâ do i need to go to a mental hospital! i feel insane.
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