Anonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
Intrusive thoughts
I don't like myself anymore. OCD took my personality. I don't know if this is my reality. Why does it feel real?
hellokittygirlhellokittygirl
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
i’ve been feeling the same way. i feel like i can’t trust myself or my memories and it feels so real that it’s debilitating. i hope ur taking care of urself and that u have a good support system 🫶
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
I do but some people don't understand this. I need advice
hellokittygirlhellokittygirl
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous ur at the right place :) nocd is a good place to connect with people who will understand. have u tried ERP yet ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
@ineedhelplolz - I have tried ERP but I haven't done it in a while. I would get help but NOCD doesn't take my insurance.
hellokittygirlhellokittygirl
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
@Anonymous there’s a lot of books that help u do ERP on ur own ! i also find that meditation and affirmations, although may seem corny, really help with big spikes. i like to say things out loud to myself like “i give myself permission to not over analyze” daily to help with the rumination and obsessing. i also learned in therapy that saying an intrusive thought out loud over and over again helps EXTREMELY, even though it feels so uncomfortable at first. being able to let urself think abt a thought and letting it pass naturally without giving into a compulsion is good practice too. u could start small and be patient when it comes to doing this bc i know how hard it can be. as for distractions i do anything i can to preoccupy my mind, even if it’s for a minute or two, by eating or watching something comfortable. it’s really important not to isolate urself too no matter how necessary it may feel. of course if u need alone time, that’s perfectly fine, but completely separating urself from people and good things in ur life always just makes it worse. u deserve to feel good abt urself and ur life! i’m sorry if i’m giving u advice you’ve already heard or tried before 😭 ocd really does try to take a chuck of urself and distort it how it wants, but u can always get urself back no matter how long it takes or how bad it gets. ocd is meant to feel real, if it didn’t, it wouldn’t have such a huge hold on so many people. but it really never is and it always loses in the end. you’re reality is not suffering and it won’t be forever. i realize this message is so long lmao but i know how it is to deal with this nasty disorder all alone and u should know there’s ways and resources to get better.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 1y
@ineedhelplolz - Thank you for the advice!
Brooke cookieBrooke cookie
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
As someone who’s had OCD for a long time it feel real but if you focus you can kind of tell which thoughts are yours and which one are the OCD’s if it’s something that you are afraid of it is the ocd. Please don’t beat yourself up about your OCD or feel shame or guilt for them. It’s just thoughts you can’t help it please don’t let it ruin your self-esteem. Ocd is a fear disorder you are a good person do not let the thoughts get to you. Stay strong and work on facing your fears. I was worry at one point I would hurt my family and avoided hang out with them which caused me great depression but one day I decided to hang out with them anyway even though I was having the thoughts and even though I still struggle with OCD, I feel a lot better and have a better relationship with my family. Do not let ocd stop you from enjoying your life , you can get through this
Catlove9Catlove9
- Date posted
- 1y
I’m in the same boat and I feel like it’s only gotten worse. Mainly because now I get that whole “not feeling in my body” experience that makes it feel like I’ve really lost it.
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issphra 🫶🏻
- Date posted
- 24w
I feel like I am OCD
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
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moon0270
- Date posted
- 21w
Why is it this way
I feel like my life isn't my own anymore. I live by OCD's rules. I can't ever switch it off. I spend most of my day mentally reviewing and constantly checking myself. I have to do things in a certain way or i dont feel safe. All this time that i've lost and for what? Idk how I let thoughts have so much power over my life and yet here I am. Every day. I can't even get away from it in sleep because i have dreams about it and I wake up anxious if i manage to get any sleep at all. I'm so over it all.
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 18w
I feel like it was never OCD, or it was but now it feels different.
There are moments when something takes over me, like I have to fight myself (literally restrain myself) from acting on my thoughts, like causing harm to my parents or brother. I get these feelings that feel so real, like they are genuinely my own. There are moments when I feel like I like them, and it makes me question whether this is truly OCD or if it's me. Then I wonder whether this is me lying to myself, because I feel the urge to smile at the thought, or feel like I have some pleasure. I check whether I like them, and then I feel like I do, so I stop immediately. I feel like my old self is gone, and I've become this person, and that it was never OCD. Right now, as I type this, I feel like I'm lying to myself. There are moments when I feel like my brain splits, as if this is my new personality. Or there are moments when I feel like it might feel liberating or freeing if I do it. I genuinely feel like this is not OCD. There are moments when I stop the thought, and I feel like it's out of principle, as if I don't truly want to stop at that thought. I truly can't picture this to be my life now. I never had these thoughts in my life until two and a half months ago. It truly makes me question whether it was OCD. I don't get why. I used to view my family as my world, and now my mind is making me scared and feel like my room is my only safe place from them, from me.
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