I'm freaking out
I was on tiktok there was this video about a girl saying "I Always have obsessive crushes but Then when they like me back I realize I don't like Them, I just created an idea of Them in my mind" and I related and everyone in the comments were saying "this Is Just comphet", "I used to have crushes like this and I'm a lesbian", "She Will come out soon". I'm going Crazy.
I’ve seen stuff like this too and as someone who identifies as a lesbian that’s not true especially for someone who has sexual orientation ocd. Don’t let those things on TikTok scare you because those issues do not apply to everyone and TikTok has a way of doing that. Having an idea of a crush in your head is something everyone goes through not just gay people. Ik it’s not much help since his hard but separate yourself from that side of TikTok and that idea it does not apply to you at all I hope you feel better :(
Thank you so much, I Hope you have a beautiful day❤️❤️
@ughhhh Can u tell me what is the difference between comphet and having ocd?
Everyone has their own experiences. Compulsory heterosexuality a reality for many lesbians, however it can be a scary concept for those with SOOCD. The word can be thrown around to be biphobic in some circumstances. I don’t want to give you too much reassurance but we are all humans trying to figure out how to function on this planet. Just know not everyone on tik tok knows what they are talking about 24/7.
i’m watching a youtube video on being bisexual and i’m freaking out omg. this is giving me so much anxiety. she’s saying stuff like “yea i never wanted to kiss a girl or have a relationship with a girl; i just always thought they were pretty” , “for all my life i was attracted to guys and always wanted a boyfriend” and stuff like that. i’m freaking out so much because it sounds A LOT like me. i’ve never seen a girl in that way until my HOCD hit and i’ve ALWAYS loved guys from the time i was little. now i’m doubting everything again. so many things are going on in my mind rn and i’m so confused
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
So on tiktok there’s been a lot of talk being secretly gay but not knowing it. One of them is having only celebrity crushes or influencers people ‘unattainable’. I fit this in a way, I have had like one or two real life crushes. but I haven’t really interacted with guys like that. I’m not the prettiest so I haven’t really gotten make attention or really had straight guy friends before. And I usually crush on real life guys who seem kind or smart. So I’ve mostly crushed on guys that are celebrities. This has left me spiralling and worrying that I’ve just been lying to myself. I’ve always read heterosexual books about romance and have idealised that and have always wanted. Was it all fake? Was it what I thought I wanted?
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