My dad said I should never have been born yesterday. He also wanted to kill himself because of my OCD. I feel heartbroken.

Yesterday I had a panic attack from OCD fears. I live alone, so in my panic I called my mum just to get some emotional support. It did not go well. I was asking for reassurnce to much and basically she got annoyed with me and started to chastise me. She said I was being ridiculous and accused me of just making up my symptoms to emotionally manipulate her. She even went as far as threatening to call the police on me to have me sectioned. I feel so humiliated. I know that I can be annoying during my panic attacks, and that my OCD puts a massive toll on my familiy. But I don't want to manipulate people. Now, I feel like an abuser. In these moments, seeing how much my weakness makes my family suffer makes me just want to not be here anymore.

Afraid to tell people about when I'm down. I've been told that certain people don't want to hang out with me because if I encounter a trigger then my mood changes and makes everybody else be down too. To me, this means I have to hide what I'm feeling because they don't want to deal with it. I should be able to openly talk to these people without judgments and without worrying if they'll get tired of my condition. I grew up with one of the people who told me that and she used to be depressed. Never did I feel like I wanted to distance myself when she was feeling down so how could someone say that to me. I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to anymore. One of the other people who told me that is my mom and she has said before that I'm lucky that they are still with me because anyone else would have left a long time ago. I feel like I'll never find someone who wants to stay with me because they won't want to deal with my sadness and the depression that ocd brings me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't. My family and I were gonna go to the beach but I started feeling really sad all of the sudden. last night my brother looked down so at night I blew him a kiss and the my mom was like go give her a hug to him but hugging and physical touch makes me uncomfortable because of my ocd and she knows that and not only did it bother me that she kept insisting despite all the times I've told her jsut that but it bothered me most that she kept insisting with him right there. I don't want to make him feel bad or feel like I'm not hugging him bc it's him. and idk but I couldn't go to sleep until I explained that to him so I had sent him a text last night before either went to bed. and then I explained in person today earlier too and I told my mom over the phone since she was out all day about how it bothered me and that it bothers me as it is because I'm an affectionate person and the ocd takes that away from me constantly I don't need her to keep pushing me to do what makes me uncomfortable you know? but odk why I suddenly got a wave of sadness now but I didn't want to bring the mood down at the beach and I also kinda just needed to be alone and cry alone

My ex just told me I’m a narcissist and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for days now. He broke up with me for the 7th and final time now and I did have an avoidance compulsion but I don’t think it was all ocd because he would continuously make poor choices and I was feeling used by the end of the relationship. However I was still trying to convince myself it would get better and it’s just a rough patch we’ll get through eventually. I blamed my ocd because I didn’t want to give up on him and I feel like maybe I was just in denial that it wasn’t meant to be but I also wanted out for a while now. I felt guilty for feeling relieved when he broke up with me but it was a civil conversation and it seemed like we were ending on good terms. But now he’s telling everyone that I’m a narcissist and I abused him emotionally and I was controlling when I let this man do WHATEVER he wanted. I’m controlling because I said I wanted to do his hair because I’m literally a stylist. He said I’m just like my mother and I’m a sh*tty person. He sent me a long paragraph of why I’m worse than all of his exes and that I’m a bad mother days after we broke up. I know I should’ve handled the situation differently but I don’t think that should ruin me as a person. He also said he no longer believes what the men in my past did to me because I’m a narcissist so that means I’m a liar. Knowing one of my biggest fears is becoming the people who hurt me. Part of me feels like he knew this was an obsession of mine and used it against me. I really feel like the worst person alive right now. Like Hitler level evil. I normally don’t post much but this is ruining me right now and I don’t know who else to turn to. I’m out of options and I’m really just helpless right now.