Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 34w ago

SOOCD nowadays

Hi guys, do you ever feel, even when the anxious feelings are gone (and your not in the back door spike window) that you still dont know who you are and what you're afraid of ( for instance in this case, not being straight) is actually true and that whole OCD cycle you're in might or might not be OCD but it doesnt matter because you're just using it as a way of proving that what you're feeling is normal and not actually face the truth? these are my thoughts right now... I was doing well, but even when I am doing well I still think about those stuff idk... like how do I know what true love is? am I faking my love for my bf and one day I'll be tired and actually just "want to accept the truth because its lighter?" becaus at that point I really feel like I'm in a movie and just playing the role of someone. Between renée rapp coming out as a lesbian after saying she was bi and sophia bush an Chrishell stause falling in love with women after being with men all their life its been kind of a triggering week (even tho when I learned it felt like I was happy like yes! they're a part of the lgbtq+ community as if I was part of that community too which triggered me even more) PS : no disprespect to anyone I'm just really triggered and confused!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w ago

I’ve had a tough time this week with all of these women coming out as well. Just try and remember that everyone’s story is different and that the same thing may or may not happen to you. But ruminating won’t help you figure it out! Also in the second paragraph when you described your thoughts when you are doing well, that sounds like ruminating to me. Which is still a compulsion! I think during the times I feel like I’m “doing better” I am still ruminating, therefore still doing compulsions.

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 34w ago

thank you for your input! how long have you had SOOCD and what are you main triggers if you dont mind me asking?

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w ago

@Anonymousesti I’ve had it since August. I didn’t figure out it was ocd until October ish though. I had harm ocd when I was younger and have always wondered why that happened to me so this diagnosis was very validating! And I have a lot of triggers. I’m doing a lot better now but still often get triggered by stories of comphet, women coming out, women being close to each other in photos, thinking about my past porn exploration and childhood curiosity, and pretty much anything sexual. It’s taken A LOT to finally get back to usually knowing who I am. I definitely lost that deep down feeling for awhile and still feel so triggered some days but practicing exposures over and over has helped me so much!! How long have you been suffering?

Username: AnonymousestiAnonymousesti

Date posted: 34w ago

@LV4523 - that's great!! so happy for you! I've had it for as long as I can remember (which is my biggest trigger because it feels that it was when I was dicovering myself and that I'm still "in denial") but I had my first breakdown at 18! and then it was on and off for me for years! (I'm 26 now). The fact that I hated some of my kisses with men also triggers me a lot but im trying to stay in the moment. I just celebrated 6 years with my bf and my dad always tells me "just live in the moment whatever happens happens and its not the end of the world". So yeah, that's my life right now! ( I also suffered with Health OCD and Harm OCD but I had light bubl moments with those themes and I knew on some level that it was OCD however with SOOCD it was never like that which also makes me feel like its the real deal and that I've actually been fighting my true self. But as usual maybe yes maybe no and we'll see!

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w ago

@Anonymousesti Ugh we can do this! 😭 I’m 23 and relate to feeling like this happened when you are discovering yourself. Resorting back to living in the moment helps me a lot too!! Just focusing on staying present!

Username: ChocolateChocolate

Date posted: 34w ago

Going through similar thoughts at the moment after a long period of doing well. It is so hard to stop ruminating and doing compulsions in your mind. I agree It is so hard to read pop culture and listen to all of the queer songs with out getting triggered and then feeling guilty for even being triggered. But these celebrity stories are not our own. I'm happy for them but that doesn't mean I don't know who I truly am. I'm wishing you the best through it all.

Username: LV4523LV4523

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 34w ago

Also, just to add. We’re in a very hard age of our society to be experiencing SOOCD! I’m an ally and 100000% support people finally feeling comfortable enough to be who they are. For us with ocd though it can be really tricky to not ruminate on if you feel this way too and question your entire life. Ive been hyper aware of peoples sexuality ever since this theme started. I feel you and we will get through this! ❤️❤️

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 34w ago

Yeah I'm feeling that right now, cause I'm like, I'm having a calm moment, but then I'm like "But I didn't conclude that I'm straight, I just stopped thinking about it for a moment, so what does that mean" and then I'm like "Yeah it's true"

Username: ChocolateChocolate

Date posted: 34w ago

Exactly! It's like oh okay I'm calm and not anxious. And then my mind reminds me I still haven't answered that looming question and the cycle repeats.

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 34w ago

@Chocolate - Yeah I get it

Username: Nicolas:)Nicolas:)

Date posted: 34w ago

Do you ever feel "gay", like you are just sitting there, no false atraction or anything, but something someone said, just make you start thinking "I'm gay" and then you start to remenbe the false atractions from the past, thinking that all that you are being going through due to this same condition, it's prove you can't be straight?

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 41w ago

SOOCD after a long time

Hi guys, I hope you're all doing well! I have a question to ask you! I have had SOOCD for a pretty long time now. So when I compare it to how it first started I rememeber that I was like " this is not me" or "what is this", I could'nt even imagine myself in a sexual situation with a women without saying "not for me no way" and everytime I used to see lgbtq+ couples on social media I used to get soo triggered and just scroll down. However fast forward 6 years, the thoughts bother me less, its like I actually like them, if I imagine any scenarios it feels "real" and I volontarly look up lgbtq+ couples which gives me a sense of peace? ( my therapist said that it was a complusion and a way of telling myself if it ever happens I'll be okay but im not so sure of her analysis). Looking at what I just wrote, I know that some of you are gonna say its the backdoor spike etc... but it just feel like I was in denial and year after year Im finally "accepting my true self?". Which scares me a lot because im in a relationship with my bf of 6 years whom I love ( as a friend or as a bf? idk at this point) and I dont want to throw everything away!!! or if I dont, Im sacred to realise in 3 years that Im actually into girls and have wasted 9 years of this guy's life juste because I was "scared". I dont know if any of you have had this for soo long to get to this point.... It doesnt help that I saw a tiktok of a bi girl saying that when she used to date guys she was in total control of her emotions and it was nice and confortable, but when she started dating girls she literally felt "honored to be able to share her life with her gf and to touch her and to be with her and can't believe that her gf chose her and just feels like she literrally cant breath around her from the love she feels". totally triggered.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 30w ago

SOOCD came back strong

Hey guys so I've been doing kind of okay for the past few months (SOOCD was still there in the bcak of my mind but it didnt stop me from living me life) however I got triggered (or I think I did) these past few days for 2 reasons : 1) a person I know just got married to her partner of the same sex and I saw pictures of the ceremony all weekend and it felt like "I wanted this and this feels more genuine than what I have" + they wrote a caption saying how they won't hide anymore and they're poud of who they are etc etc... which felt like I could relate and that I'm actually in denial 2) I was scrolling on Tiktok and saw a video of girl talking to another girl on her podcast and saying that she always thought she was a lesbian and then met the love of her life which happens to be a guy. And then she goes on and says, "growing up I always feared of being anything else than a lesbian" and the other girl says " you know, that's weird, that means that deep down you know it wasnt the right label for you because whe I came out there was no fear of ever being straight or bi, like that was it for me." and then the first girl goes on and says " That's what I've been telling my girl friends. When you're straight and you know that you're straight you dont fear a label or being of another sexuality it shouldnt really matter to you but if you are scared this means that you're actually maybe hiding something". Anyways that triggered me a lotttt!! I dont know what your thoughts are on that so I would love to hear them! for info : I'm a women and have been with my bf for 6 years now.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Anonymousesti

Date posted: 27w ago

SOOCD

hey, do you guys ever as yourselfs if its OCD or not with SOOCD? because I really feel like this theme is different... I have had other themes (health OCD and harm OCD) but got over them quickly compared to SOOCD. My issue with SOOCD is that it started at a really young age for me... and I watched videos about girls realising they're bi ou gay (yes I did and it was super trigerring) and it felt like I could relate on some level? But then some of my very straight friends also told me they could relate? I'm so lost and sooo stressed and honeslty I just want to be happy no matter what the outcome is I just dont want to be hiding my true self because of society. But then at the same time, I've been with my bf for 6 years and I feel like I really love him but every year we have this big conversation whether I believe this is real true love or platonic love and if we have to break up... and I always ask him if he feels something off about me (because apparently partners can know) and I always notice that whenever I'm busy at work or with friends I actually feel fine even tho the thoughts are still here.... but I'm also just scared that its comphet (yes I searched that too and got triggered). My therapist told me to live day by day and it has been great doing that but sometimes when I'm with my friends and they talk about love or the future etc I feel like I cant really relate but if I imagine it with a women (I know this is testing but it happens) it feels more intense and deep? I dont understand anything anymore so please if someone is going through that let me know! I'm 26 btw and I just dont want to be doing a mistake that's gonna ruin multiple lives later on! PS : did anyone whatch Bridgertion season 3? (Spoiler Alert!!) Francesca's story line really really triggered me! like I even imagined being fransceca and felt like I could fall in love with that women just by looking at her (and I dont believe that's possible in reality so I dont get it) Thanks for your help!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

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