Whenever I laugh or try and live in the moment my mind flashes back to the past or things bothering me and reminds me that I shouldn’t be happy because of x y z. It’s really so depressing. I am 26 and I feel triple my age from stress. Even though I want to relax I dread going home at the end of the day because I’m afraid of what else I’ll remember or what new obsession I’ll have. I keep comparing myself to others saying no one would do what I have done everyone is better than me.

I’m sorry about all you’ve been through. Life can be really tough but you’re doing it.

I’ve found that telling a friend when my day is going south kind of helps. I’ve got a friend who for the past two nights has messaged me and let me dump the days bad thoughts on her so she can try to help me see the irrationality behind them.

I'm 26 too. This OCD bullshit and anxiety does not help with stress it just multiplys it.

I know what you mean. I didn’t want to be a burden either. This friend pressed me to start talking to her. Otherwise I wouldn’t have shared. If NY feels lonely do other places too? Maybe NY just isn’t the place for you and another area might feel less lonely?

Feel the same whyyy, like I’ll be laughing at something and my anxiety is like nah let’s worry about this. It’s sooo annnoying and frustrating, but we just gotta push thru. The more frustrated we get the more we give it power. I have better days now since I found a med that works and going to therapy but still had bad days but I still want to live my life it’s just hard some days.

What kind of thoughts do you get? Have you tried doing anything to help get through the thoughts instead of trying to avoid them?

I’ve been to therapy before on and off for 10 years and got all the tools I needed to respond to such thoughts but when I’m in relapse it’s really hard to use those tools. I have real event ocd and I think my past will come to haunt me or feel extra guilty about things. Like I said something prejudice when I was drunk 6 years ago and only because I heard the remark from someone else and just blurted it out to hurt my friend who did a lot to me. I am the most cultured person and now I fear people will find out about my drunk remark 6 years ago or just think the worst things. Or I tried a sugar daddy site when I was in debt because my friend mentioned it to me and it was the worst experience of my life. Then there’s me and my mother getting into physical fights sometimes and I hate that my anger got me to that point. One day when she’s no longer here I’m going to break down in guilt. My Muslim upbringing gives me extra guilt about things I’ve done. Raging alcoholic outbursts from depression and promiscuity during my wild stage because of daddy issues. It all just builds up in my head. Friends I’ve lost because of my depression. I have friends but scattered all over the world. I moved back to New York from Dubai and I’m just working now. Constantly obsessing in my head. I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend in Dubai that I found out was married with kids and he triggered off my ocd and made me feel guilty about a lot so I’m still recovering from that.

I just don’t want to bother anyone with my issues. I always feel like negative energy or like I’m bringing them down. I’ve lost my best girl friends over the past few years and don’t talk to anyone on that regular of a basis anymore. Ever since college ended and everyone went different places it’s been hard. Plus I’ve been traveling a lot and moved abroad for some time. NY is really lonely.

I was born and raised in NYC area but there’s bad memories here and a lot of people moved away or don’t talk to me anymore. NYC is a lonely city in general tho. Due to financial reasons I am living with my family here and commuting for work. Once I’m out of debt I’d like to move. When I moved to Dubai I made friends so easily. I think it’s also where I’m living. I commute from my parents house in suburbs to the city for work and that in itself isolates me because it’s hard to make plans. I’m hoping to go to LA and start new one day. But in the meantime I’m here.

I always fear being a burden but I think that if you font share it feels worse. I try to talk to different friends or family members to let it out.