Harm OCD

Really need some prayers and support as I feel so horrible. My harm OCD gets so bad. It may means nothing for you but is very triggering to me when I see bugs in my pool. I was swimming in the pool yesterday after work. I try not to pay attention on bugs cause every time I try to save them my ocd twists things. I have a special floating pillow that helps animals to get out of the pool so they don’t drown. Bugs sit on it sometimes. Yesterday I tried to remove some of these bugs so they don’t fall into water to save them. Then I left them alone but thought came that some of them may dropped in water cause moved that floating pillow. I wanted to check what has happened. It was getting dark so I used my phone camera to check if that bug was still on the floating pillow. And it was. Now my mind tells me I might blinded it cause I used my camera light. I thought not to use the light but still did cause could not see it in the dark. I am so tired of it. I can no longer do what I like (gardening, swimming, etc.) as it gets me in trouble with my head. 😞🥲 I think that somehow I still hurt creatures one way or another. Example: I save that bug from drowning in water, then my mind tells me I still somehow caused the harm to that creature. In this case, phone light may blinded it. Everything around is triggering now. I feel I’m never good. 🥲🥲🥲

Harm OCD

Stormyweathe...

Date posted: 1y

I love you and it’s not silly at all what you’re going thru, I definitely can understand. I’m praying for you. If God helps, try making the decision to trust Him with the bugs. But also I get it ya know. Something that helped me too was something I heard from a podcast talking about “who’s to say you saving them helps them?” Like basically, and I hope this helps you how it helped me. If you let them fight for survival or don’t help them, you may be helping them more than you think. It can prepare them, etc. help them learn if that makes sense, but also if they die that could be a better death than the one to come, long story short bc I don’t remember that well, death and pain isn’t all bad. It’s best to do what brings you peace. But if the cost of peace is stress, then does it really bring you peace? I mean it’s a battle, but I often have to let things go and accept them just for the sheer purpose of my brain not being on fire which it’s a struggle. But if we can talk ourselves thru it/ be quick and take action/ accept things and try to move on it’ll help create that pattern for our brains. And logic doesn’t always or ever help ocd but idk this is just what helped me ya know. Much peace and love and I’ll be thinking of you in my prayers. Isn’t it interesting how if I never had ocd, I wouldn’t be able to help others with ocd, I wouldn’t be able to share on the topic, it’s not a super power or anything, but I believe God uses us if we wish to be, and he’ll take every bad thing that’s ever happened to us and turn it for good, use it for good. And also, the mantra from this ocd calming video on YouTube “ your worst thought, won’t come true” and “these are just thoughts that are a product of a stressed mind “ helped me a lot

Lidusha

Date posted: 1y

@Stormyweather2023 Thank you so much ❤️

Lidusha

Date posted: 1y

@Stormyweather2023 I also have a hard time in accepting actions I did. Example in this case is the phone light and possible harm I could cause.

I’llbeokay

Date posted: 21w

OCD harm tw

Honestly ocd has been so tough these past months, like I wake up in the morning thinking I accidentally hurt my whole family and just don’t remember. And I start to question so much. And freak out thinking that I did. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you ;) and any things that may helped you

Becoming Whole

Date posted: 17w

OCD Is Telling Me I’m Being Harmed

I had blood work done for a test I was having a couple weeks ago. The phlebotomist hit my vein weird, my arm bled a lot, but eventually stopped. My arm is still sore several days later. The following week I had my bronchoscopy. The nurse used the same arm that was already sore to put in the IV for the meds. My arm started hurting, swelling and burning. I told her it hurt really bad but she ignored me; then I was out. It’s been a week and my arm still hurts, and my veins are tight and hard. Couple that with the white stuff all over my face, that nobody from the care team bothered to wipe off- which I didn’t know about until my husband asked me what it was, I got harm from my OCD! At first I chalked it up to the white stuff on my face was bad bedside manners. Now, I keep thinking that my doctors and everyone associated with the clinics are trying to harm me. This morning I had an incident with the fryer oven while toasting my bagel. I asked my husband about it and he says he didn’t notice anything. I was down to the last few bites of my bagel, and suddenly started feeling loopy. I spit it out and threw the rest away. After sitting awhile thinking of the doctors and phlebotomist etc… it dawned on me that it was my OCD telling me people were trying to harm me. I don’t know how to get over the fact that my arm hurts really bad and my doctor completely ignores my health concerns. I’ve been nauseous for the past two weeks or so - there is definitely something wrong! I think when they find out that you have OCD and/or Anxiety, they treat you differently, as if you’re making up the symptoms. I most certainly haven’t felt heard! My husband always says, what’s wrong now? It’s such a horrible feeling to hear him say that. Is this what you call Harm? Or is it associated with Harm? I’m not sure if this is triggering or not. I hope not.

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 15w

Horrible, feeling anxious.

Hey guys. I feel like no one will even reply to my post. I feel anxious af. I could barley eat a plate of soup. I feel so drained and fatigued and feel the anxiety in my stomach. I'm just so worried I don't even have harm ocd anymore. Its just... I grew up in a household where swatting people was normalized like if you did something really naughty. I never really questioned it and I grew up thinking it was an okay thing and would sometimes swat someone when they are being naughty growing up and even recently. I would never swat someone at full force or enough to make someone cry just more like a hard tap to get their attention but it feels automatic? And even then it's really really rare for me to do, i much rather talk sternly or tell someone. When i do swat its bc like if someone scared me I guess I hit their hand and say "THAT SCARED ME" and we both start laughing or if my older niece was roughhousing with her younger sister and the younger one gets hurt and the older one laughs, I swat the older one once or twice on her arm as a discipline and say "what is wrong with you??? Why are you laughing? You are much older than her! You could've seriously hurt her." And idk how but i never thought like how wrong this is?!... and I feel like sh/t like ocd keeps saying "well you have swatting impulses when someone is misbehaving or if someone scares or hits you, meaning if you get an impulse to do something really evil instead, you wouldnt be able to control yourself huh?" And I started to get so anxious and scared. Ive NEVER acted out on the harm ocd thoughts (nor do i even want to) ive been getting daily for 4 years even when they are misbehaving. But i get so scared like WHAT IF I get an impulse to do the evil thoughts? What if I lose control?! Is this a history of violence/ low impulse?! Does this mean i would act out on my fears?! I've never wanted to do these thoughts before but i get scared like what if I do one day? This whole day ive been ruminating and asking ai for reassurance. I feel terrible. I feel like a horrible person. I started to cry. I just cant anymore. I feel this weight on my chest. I feel so evil so irredeemable. I f/cking suck. I hate myself so much right now. I feel so much guilt and shame. Why am I still here anymore? Maybe i dont even have ocd and maybe i never did. This is just breaking my heart. I want to change and unlearn this swatting behavior as well for sure. :(

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